Thursday, 7 February 2013


It's disgusting how long it's been since I've blogged, everyone, and for that I'm truly sorry. I'd fill you in on what I've been up to, but frankly it's been three months and aside from visiting my lad in Texas there isn't really a lot to tell.

So I'll tell you what happened. I got in from University earlier and I looked around my bedroom and I was appalled at the disarray I was confronted with. So I decided I was going to tidy it. And, in a move totally out of character, I rolled up my sleeves and I did it. And once my desk and chair were clear of all the shite they are usually covered in (not literally, obviously), I decided to sit down and write. But what was I going to write? Was it going to be a contribution to my dissertation, the due date of which grows nearer and nearer as the days roll along? DON'T MAKE ME LARFF, MATE, I'M DOING A BLOG.

For them what can't remember, in my NMEeeeeeh feature we listen to new music (hence the NM) and then go "eeeeeeh!" (hence the "Eeeeeeh").

New music, anyone?

One Direction - One Way Or Another
Released February 17th

So it has been revealed that, following in the footsteps of the Spice Girls and that time Peter Kay made that song with Fireman Sam and various other fictional characters, One Direction will be the performers of this year's official Comic Relief single with a cover of Blondie's One Way Or Another.

The song leaked in its entirety and everyone has lost their shit. One Direction fans are going mental because people are listening to the song before they were meant to, and everyone else is going mental because a boyband have covered a song by someone "authentic". RUN FOR THE HILLS, THE SKY IS FALLING, FIRE IS RAINING FROM THE CLOUDS, HORSES ARE EATING THEMSELVES; ONE DIRECTION HAVE DARED TO COVER A SONG BY A GUITAR BAND.

No, folks. If you like the original, it's still there for you to listen to. If you like this, then you have a new song to like.

The song itself isn't bad, it basically sounds exactly like you'd expect One Direction covering One Way Or Another would sound (except there's a bit of Teenage Kicks thrown in for good measure-- which incidentally I suggested aaaaaages ago on Twitter they should cover since the Jedward version of it is so good- COVER YOUR EARS FANS OF "AUTHENTIC" MUSIC). I like it, to be honest, and I've paid good money to go and see Blondie this July.

What I'm 100% not looking forward to is the music video which, especially given it is in aid of Comic Relief, is bound to be filled with all kinds of "tomfoolery" and "clowning around". Zayn Malik is already incapable of delivering a line without raising his eyebrow, pulling a stupid face, randomly pointing or bouncing around with his arms around the rest of the 1D "lads", this video is going to be painful. 

Still, it can't be as insufferable as this Comic Relief video from The Wanted, where they do try their best to make it look like they're enjoying themselves, but end up looking- to quote the great prophet Niall Horan- like a shower of cunts.

Fancy a listen to the low-quality leak of the new One Direction single? 

In honour of Harry Styles joining the ultra-exclusive Taylor Swift Ex-Boyfriend Club (he's now the proud owner of an "I Boinked Taylor Swift And All I Got Was This T-Shirt" t-shirt, of which only 400 were ever printed), how many Taylor Swift Ex-Boyfriends out of 5 does the new One Direction song get..?

I'm not being funny but all in a line it's very clear Taylor Swift has a type, isn't it?

Tegan & Sara - Closer
Released February 10th

Tegan & Sara are twin sisters from a country called Canada. Unlike some twins, like Jedward or the Kray Twins, Tegan & Sara aren't evil, and in fact are really good. If you read any music blogs at all, you'll probably already have heard Closer the first single off their new album Heartthrob and their first proper UK release. If you don't ready any music blogs, then allow me to inform you.

Now, admittedly I only knew one Tegan & Sara song before I heard this one, and that song was called Back In Your Head. That song was, and indeed still is, absolutely cracking. Thankfully this new song is every bit as good as that, except it is a lot twinklier and more poppy, largely thanks to Greg Kurstin who has worked with lots of cool people like Little Boots and Lily Rose Cooper, and lots of tremendously uncool people like Kelly Clarkson and Dido.

Closer is essentially a really nice love song with lyrics about not treating someone, probably a boyfriend, "like you're oh so typical", while they go on to talk about trying to get someone, again probably a boy, "underneath me". STEADY ON GIRLS. With lyrics like that, the boys will come swarming, I'm sure!

Shall we have a look at the video? IT FEATURES KARAOKE, which is always a laugh. Except, of course, for the time I did Your Song on karaoke at The Bank Bar in Newcastle, got a free shot which then made me sick and as I ran up to the toilets to be sick I tripped on the stairs and threw up all down my front, which was really embarrassing. Thankfully there is none of that in this video:

Question is- where does it fall on the Taylor Swift Ex-Boyfriend spectrum..

Never mind Taylor Swift, if they keep this up then this pair of fittie twins might have their own string of celebrity ex-boyfriends before long-- am I right, lads?? PHWOOOOOAR.


Tom Odell - Hold Me
Released March 31st

Following in the footsteps of Jessie J and Emeli Bloody Sandé, Tom Odell is the first ever male winner of the Critics' Choice award at the BRIT Awards. However don't let the fact that Tom has nice blond hair and looks a bit like Ellie Goulding's brother fool you, his music is far from lovely and is actually quite a racket.

Hold Me is Tom's first proper single, and while it isn't the worst thing I've ever heard, it does sound slightly like he wants put out of his misery a little bit. Cheer up, Tommo, it isn't that bad, surely? The piano of it all is nice and puts me in mind of early Coldplay (that was intended as a compliment in case you're interested) but his voice is just not pleasant. I'll throw my hands up and say that clearly I am not Tom Odell's target audience, but come along now there's no need for all that whooping and hollering, is there?

If you'd like to hear a load of shouting, here is Hold Me for yourself:

Come on, Tom! Give us a smile, eh?

Where does it rate on our Taylor Swift Ex-Boyfriend scale, though-- that's what you clearly want to know.

The answer to that is "not very highly at all".

Well that's it from me.
It's nice to be blogging again.