Tuesday, 30 October 2012


There is a uni deadline looming which of course means it's time for a new blog. Who's in the mood for some new music- eeeeeeh?

McFly - Love Is Easy
Released 11th November

McFly are one of those bands that generally get a lot of stick from critics. Yes, some of their music is so terrible it's unforgivable but for every ill-advised cover like Mr Brightside or flop like One For The Radio there's a fantastic ditty like All About You or a song so heartbreakingly beautiful that listening to it leaves one gasping for air like The Heart Never Lies.

Their new single is the lead track from their upcoming second greatest hits collection. Does the world actually need a new McFly single? No it honestly does not, but it's a lovely little song featuring a ukelele, and frankly anything with a ukelele in it gets my vote. It's unfortunate that in promo for their new venture the lads think it's OK to stick four identical suits on (it's not OK, lads, it's not OK) but if you can overlook this poor fashion choice, the song is very nice indeed. 

It also has a really nice opening bit where Tom goes "do do do do do, do do do do do do, do do do do do do" which might well be a reference to their debut single Five Colours In Her Hair but it also might not. The lyrics are really, really nice as well. They're about how happy one can feel when one is in love. 

It's not going to knock the planet of orbit, but frankly if the planet was knocked out of orbit we'd probably all spiral to our deaths so that's probably for the best isn't it?

You can listen to it for yourself through the medium of video right here:

Tomorrow, of course, is October 31st which means one thing and one thing only....


So, how many Willow Smiths out of 5 has the new McFly single earned..?

One Direction - Little Things
Released 12th November

I really did try not to pre-judge this song based on the fact it was written by Ed Sheeran who, in my humble opinion, is more toxic to pop music than Psy and Carley Ra"e Jepsen combined. But do you know what? Just looking at him frustrates me, and I fear this may have tainted my opinions on this new One Direction single.

This song is a bit of a weird one in that on one hand the One Direction "crew" are telling some girl that they're madly in love with her in the chorus, while the verses are essentially a list of everything that is wrong with the girl.

"You've never loved the crinkles by your eyes", they start before going on to mention how much the same girl doesn't like "her stomach or her thighs". It doesn't stop there, though, "The dimples in your back", the fact the lass has to "squeeze into her jeans" and even the fact she can't go to bed "without a cup of tea" all get a look in. It's a good job Ed Sheeran/One Direction love this lass so much, it sounds like no other fucker would.

Truthfully this song is not for me. It's shit, to be honest. And I'm not saying that in a "LOL ONE DIRECTION R SHITTTTT" way, I love One Thing and Live While We're Young is also worth a listen, and I'd certainly shag 80% of them, but this is just drivel. Honestly. If you don't believe me ASK THE DISHES. Nar man, cheeky Beauty and the Beast reference there.

Seriously though, if you don't believe me here is Littlest Things:

Christ on his throne.

Daley - Remember Me, feat. Jessie J
Released 2nd December

Unfortunately in this case the Daley in question is not the Olympic diver, "special friend" of Liam Payne and frequent staple in my sexual fantasies Tom Daley, but the curly-haired singer who has supported Emeli Sandé and Jessie J on their respective UK tours.

This single, a collaboration with wearer of coloured wigs and breaker of limbs Jessie J, is quite good. It's got a bit of a funky vibe to it, and actually puts me in mind of former Voice UK contestant Vince Kidd. Jessie J's screeching is kept to a minimum, which should keep critics happy, and the chorus is nice enough.

I will, however, probably never listen to this song ever again. It's nice but it's utterly forgettable. In fact, here is the video. Test yourself: listen to the song in full then count to 50 and see if you can sing it back to yourself. I bet you can't (sing it back to yourself, that is. I'm not doubting your ability to count to 50. YOU CLEVER THING YOU):


How many "Willow Smiths" has Remember Me racked up, though?


That's all.
Happy Halloween, folks!

Tuesday, 16 October 2012


I am cutting straight to the chase today because something amazing has happened. It's NMEeeeeeh. New music - eeeeeeh!

Girls Aloud - Something New
Released 19th October

Sound the alarm. This is not a drill. Girls Aloud are back.

I repeat. Girls. Aloud. Are. Back.

A few days earlier than initially intended the Girls Aloud comeback single has leaked online. It's called Something New. And it is fucking brilliant. I've so far only actually listened to the song twice (it's since been taken off YouTube) but what I can say is that it is exactly what a Girls Aloud comeback single should sound like. It's unmistakeably Girls Aloud, yet it doesn't sound like anything they've ever done before. The lyrics are empowering and make suggestions to taking back their spot at the top of the charts, without actually explicitly acknowledging the time they've been away. Frankly it's a right fucking racket but in the most glorious way possible.

I think @MrNickLevine said it best on Twitter when he said the song "really does give your ears a good, hard shagging", and that's all I can compare the song to. The first time I played it I was so excited I couldn't actually take in any of the details or the specifics of what I was listening to, all I could do was float along and enjoy it. When it was over I was left feeling exhausted, but with the distinct knowledge that what just happened was wonderful. If that's not comparable to a good shag, then I don't know what is.

I've had to link from Perez "Not The Devil Anymore But What A Tedious Individual" Hilton, so apols for that. THE GOOD NEWS IS HERE IS THE TRACK:

UPDATE: It's now on YouTube, which is good:


The question is: how many One True Voice members out of five has the song managed to score..?

Surprising to no one I'm sure.

Steps - Light Up The World
Released 22nd October

Speaking of long-awaited comeback singles from pop groups, the band who essentially provided the soundtrack to my childhood Steps are back with their first single in over a decade, the title track from their upcoming Christmas album Light Up The World.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, I'd say that if the Girls Aloud comeback was exactly what I was hoping for from the ladies, this is the total opposite of what I was hoping for from a Steps comeback. It's obvious what they've done, as time has moved them along they've decided they're not as young as they once were and would rather churn out an OK-at-best, mid-tempo track with nice harmonies and vague connotations to Christmas to prove their worth as vocalists rather than trying to re-hash their former dance-floor glory.

Thing is: Steps are more than capable of a decent ballad. Think back to past hits such as It's The Way You Make Me Feel, Heartbeat and even When I Said Goodbye, they're all fantastic songs. And this new one quite simply isn't. It's a total nothing. And given the rest of the album consists of covers, mostly of Christmas songs, I don't exactly have sky-high hopes for the future of Steps.

Mind you, you don't have to take my word for it. Get a listen to it yourself here:


I'd make a joke about it being such a "tragedy" if I wasn't so genuinely disheartened. Hopefully it'll grow on me. Perhaps I should remember that the last time Steps released a single I was only 11, and probably more easily impressed.

Where is it on the One True Voice scale, though?

Melanie C, featuring Emma Bunton - I Know Him So Well
Released 11th November

Before we go any further, let's forget completely about context. Forget about who's singing this song, or who's sung it in the past. Forget about the Spice Girls, and the constant reunion rumours that crop up whenever they're mentioned. Forget about Emma Bunton's lovely smile, her weird cover of Downtown where she kept alluding to her fanny in the video, and forget about how unpleasant Melanie C has become over time in her quest to be taken seriously as a musician.

The fact of the matter is: I Know Him So Well is a fucking tune, and if Jimmy Savile himself was revealed to have recorded a version of it dueting with Margaret Thatcher, I'd still be inclined to give it a listen, such is my deep love of the song (the definitive version for me is, if you're interested, the Steps version, but that is neither here nor there).

What's Melanie and Emma's version of it like, then?

Well it's alright. It's basically exactly what you'd expect Emma Bunton and Melanie C singing I Know Him So Well would sound like. It doesn't add anything to the original, but then why should it? And what was it going to add anyway? A dubstep breakdown? A guest rap from Nicki Minaj? A shocking extra verse where they reveal that in fact they don't know him very bloody well at all?

What really surprised me, listening to the song was Emma Bunton's vocal which, given that she's only the featured artist, is probably a bit of a kick in the tits for Melanie C: whose own "LOOK AT ME! I'M SINGING" vocals are actually quite grating by the end of it all.

Still. It's good. Annoyingly I can only embed a preview unless you wanna head over to Perez bloody Hilton's site over here. Your call:

Seriously, man, I Know Him So Well is a TUNE. Where does this version find itself on the One True Voice scale, though?

Not bad at all, ladies.

Shall we just have one more look at One True Voice before they're never mentioned by anyone ever again..?

How in the name of arse were these lads ever expected to beat Girls Aloud in the charts???

Well that's all for now.
It's my boyfriend's birthday today (for, like, a few more hours) so happy birthday pet.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012


You can tell I've got work due in for uni soon because I'm blogging semi-frequently as an avoidance mechanism. I'm churning blogs out like Rihanna singles. Luckily for me, people are chucking new songs out left right and centre, and here are some of them for you in an all-new NMEeeeeeh. It's new music - eeeeeeh!

Olly Murs - Troublemaker, feat. Flo Rida
Released 11th November

So let's be honest, when first one hears that Olly Murs has recorded a collaboration with Flo Rida, one would be forgiving for immediately dismissing their song and thinking to oneself "they clearly met at a re-union for bell-ends from both sides of the Atlantic". OBVIOUSLY I WOULD NEVER THINK SOMETHING SO CRUEL AND SCATHING. Never.

Troublemaker is pretty much a typical Olly Murs affair, but with so many music blogs calling Olly a twat around the clock, it's easy to forget that he is very much capable of putting out a decent song, and this is probably his best release to date.

"Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?" Olly sings in the chorus. He isn't talking about sodomy, though, he's actually singing about a girl who causes trouble no matter what she does. Fancy that, in a song called Troublemaker.

Would you like to hear it for yourself..?

I think it's very good indeed. But the question is: how good on the "Cry-lan Clark" scale..?

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven
Released 25th November

Good news for fans of calling people a "bell end" who you've never even met, it's not just Olly Murs who's released a new single- Bruno Mars has also unveiled his most recent release, the oddly-titled Locked Out Of Heaven

The weird thing is this song does start off sounding a bit like Olly Murs, and even more weirdly it goes on to sound a lot like The Police. And there's a bit in the verses where he keeps going "UNGH". Raunchy.

And raunchy it continues, as the song itself is about someone so good at shagging that Bruno says "your sex takes me to paradise...you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven".

I'm not being funny, but is it just me or is this song just Message In A Bottle by The Police, but updated for 2012 and with more allusions to someone shagging you good and proper..?

Where does it get to on the "Crylan Clark" scale, though, folks..?

Loreen - Crying Out Your Name
Out now

For those in need of a bit of context before you listen to this one, Scandanavian lovely and part-time Jade Ewen lookalike Loreen was the winner at this year's Eurovision song contest. WAAAAAIT DON'T GOOOOOO---- before you start having images of Scooch or Andy the Bin Man, Loreen was representing Sweden, the birth place of good pop music, which means that her music is actually worth listening to.

The followup to her winning song Euphoria is called Crying Out Your Name and continues in its predecessor's dark and moody club. However, unlike her previous single where she was singing about a euphoric feeling of "going up, up, up, up, up, up, uh-up", it seems like this time around Loreen is coming down, and feeling more than slightly mental about it all.

"I've emptied out the mini-bar", Loreen sings like a right mentalist in the opening line to the song before going on to say she's "about to go and key his car". SOUND THE CRAZY BITCH ALARM.

To get a listen to Loreen in all of her mental glory, then feast your ears on this...

Seriously, popstars just aren't called Loreen anymore, are they? It's like Mavis, a name which is unfortunately dying out. Imagine if one of Little Mix was called Mavis? UHHHHMAZING.

Where does Crying Out Your Name fall on the "Crylan Clark" scale, though..?

Seriously...shall we have one more little watch of Rylan Clark crying? Go on. Let's.

Monday, 8 October 2012

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Eeeeeh do you know what it is? I started writing this ages ago and never finished it. So two of the stories in it are dead old. Apols. Frankly if you're using this blog to actually get news rather than for a cheap laugh then you wanna have a word with yourself anyway. It's brand new, it's a Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. It's all kicking off on American Idol.

If you cast your mind back: the ol' story goes that when Mariah Carey heard that her old collaborator Nicki Minaj would be joining her on the American Idol judging panel she was so annoyed that she hung up the phone. Of course it was only a rumour, but then at that stage it was still only a rumour that Nicki would be a judge at all, and weeks later here she is.

The writing was pretty much on the wall then for a turbulent season of American Idol.

It didn't take long for things to kick off, as this video of Nicki ranting at Mariah in North Carolina made the rounds online, with Nicki saying she wasn't going to put up with "your fucking highness", referring to Mariah and her diva behaviour (stuck hilariously in the middle of them is Keith Urban who awkwardly sits there saying nothing while Nicki tears the proverbial strip off Mariah).

Watch Nicki's rant for yourself right here:

According to certain sources, Nicki then told Mariah she was going to "knock her out", but she vehemently denies this. It's not known exactly what set Nicki off on one, but rumours would suggest that Mariah called her a "bitch". WHICH IS NOT ON AT ALL, MARIAH, NOT COOL.

From there, Mariah called her friend Barbara Walters who then said on the following day's episode of The View: "She said that when Nicki walked off set multiple people heard her say 'If I had a gun I would shoot that bitch'".

You don't get that kind of inside scoop on Loose Women, do you?

From there Nicki reacted quite angrily (understandably) on her Twitter page, with the following tweet mocking Mariah:

More importantly she then took the opportunity to publicly deny what Mariah (and Barbara) were accusing her of:

And then to rub salt in the wounds, she suggested producers had compared her to the glory days of Simon Cowell on American Idol:

Apparently Mariah arrived at yesterday's round of auditions with increased security. Seems like this could all get worse before it gets better, but if it ends with one of Mariah's twins telling Nicki she's "the devil" I'll be a happy man...

2. Christina Aguilera reveals her new album cover.

A while ago I reviewed the new Christina Aguilera single Your Body. I said the song was "beneath" Christina, that she had "cheapened herself" and said she "came across as desperate". I have since did a total 180 on the song, and it is now one of my favourite songs of 2012. I'm sorry, Christina. I was wrong.

The good news is that Christina has unveiled the album artwork for her upcoming fifth release Lotus, which is exciting. The bad news is, it looks like this:


In an interview with Billboard magazine, X-Tina (who, I'm sure I've said before, should technically be called X-Ina HOW ANNOYING) said "[my new album] represents a celebration of the new me".

Meanwhile, when asked about her previous album Bionic which failed to set the charts alight and more or less made her a laughing stock for a brief period, Christina had some fairly amusing opinions to share.

When asked to explain why the album was met with such disdain, Christina said "I'm proud to say it was ahead of its time".

Ahead of its time??? UHMAZING. That's not all though.

"You had to be a real music lover, be a true fan of music to appreciate that album", she says. "The older that album gets the more people will come to appreciate it actually and check it out".

So that's the problem, people-- we just don't love music enough. It's not that people fund lyrics like "All the boys think its cake when they taste my *WOOHOO*, You don't even need a plate just your face" off-putting, we just weren't ready for an album so ahead of its time. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

3. Carolynne Poole gets everyone's back up with her shock elimination.

It's possible you'll have noticed there's been a noticeable lack of X Factor coverage on my blog this year. You might well be shocked to hear that I'm not watching The X Factor this year. And do you know why? Because The X Factor is shit. This series of The X Factor has, for me at least, undone the show's entire legacy.

I know it's never been "quality" viewing, but there's always been the idea that the show has a GLIMMER of authenticity underneath of all of the lights and the drama and the dresses and the tears. But do you know what? There's not this year. The entire thing is so scripted and farcical that I'm half-expecting one of the contestants to take off their wig and prosthetics and reveal themselves to be David Walliams.

However, one couldn't escape what happened on last night's show whether you watched the show or not, because it was one of those moments everyone was talking about, and no one was particularly happy.

You see on Saturday night reality TV veteran Carolynne Poole who has appeared on Fame Academy and two series of The X Factor (you can presumably look out for her on the upcoming series of The Voice where I'm sure that boring one off of The Script will be jizzing his pants over her) performed an eye-wateringly tedious rendition of Nicki Minaj's Starship so smug and cheesy that Nicki Minaj herself is believed to have reacted like this when she saw how her song had been performed:

To hear Carolynne's bewildering country rendition of Starships then give it a watch now:

Anyway, no one voted for it because it was rubbish so she ended up in the bottom two. People weren't happy about this, largely because she was up against Rylan Clark who it seems like no one likes, particularly Gary Barlow who is being his usual grumpy self and slagging Rylan off every chance he gets. Rylan did a club remix of Spandau Ballet's Gold last night which I actually really enjoyed, and which you can watch for yourself here:

So Rylan and Carolynne (whose name I suppose would be Carolylan if they were to be a celebrity couple, although the chances of that happening would be quite unlikely I would say) had their little sing-off, although during Carolynne's performance it was noticed that Louis Walsh was somewhat distracted and actually deep in conversation with one of the show's producers.

What then followed was Gary Barlow and Tulisa choosing to send Rylan home, surprisingly to no one whatsoever, while Nicole Scherzinger chose to stay loyal to the act she was mentoring and send Carolynne home. Rather than do the "right" thing and save a boring person over an interesting one, Louis then plumped to send Carolynne home which took everything to deadlock.


So anyway, to make a long story short, the public had voted more for Rylan than they had for Carolynne, and off home she went. And that was that.

EXCEPT THAT WASN'T THAT WAS IT? Because Louis Walsh seems to have opened Pandora's box and destroyed the universe by taking it to deadlock. The world has spun of its axes, people are walking around on their heads and horses are eating each other in the street. THE END OF DAYS IS UPON US PEOPLE.

I need to have a word with everyone who is now "boycotting" the X Factor thanks to Louis Walsh's heinous actions. First off, you're a liar. If the X Factor matters enough to you that you would stop watching it and need to call it a "boycott" rather than simply turning the telly off, then you are incapable of boycotting it.

Secondly, I covered this FOUR FRIGGING YEARS AGO on my old blog when people were complaining about Jedward being sent home instead of Lucie. I can't even remember what her surname was. It was either Edwards or Jones. Either way, she's so unimportant I can't even remember her frigging surname, and I'd feel exactly the same about Carolynne Poole if it weren't for the fact that she has some sort of addiction to being on reality TV, so there's no chance of forgetting her.

The fact of the matter is that Carolynne Poole was never going to win The X Factor in a million years against that lad with the nerves, One Direction Lite and Lucy Spraggan and her collection of songs  including "Yesterday morning I ate a boiled egg, And thought I had a pain in my lower right leg". So shall we all lighten up? It's the frigging X Factor, just fucking enjoy Rylan Clark while you can before Gary Barlow sucks all the joy out of the programme and leaves nothing behind but Must Be The Music.

Shall we have another watch of Rylan crying???


Right I'm done.

Friday, 5 October 2012


In case you're late to the party, NMEeeeeeh stands for "new music- eeeeeeh!" which is what we say in the North East of England when we're excited. Or surprised. Or happy. Basically, any emotion has an appropriate "eeeeeeh" to go with it. Would you like to hear some new music (eeeeeeh)? Of course you would. 

Stooshe - Waterfalls
Released 5th November, which is also Bonfire Night so THERE COULD BE FIREWORKS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

TLC's Waterfalls is a fairly brilliant song, and Stooshe have had one of catchiest singles of 2012 with their hit Black Heart, so a meeting of the two could only have positive effects, right???

Seemingly not.

I mean I'm just going to come out and say it: I don't really care for Stooshe. I know everyone on Twitter thinks they're the second-coming or something, and my mam turns the radio up every time Black Heart comes on but there's just something about them that gets on my tits. And that "something" is the last 30 seconds of Black Heart when the lairy one (WHICH ONE HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA) starts hollering "HE GOTTA BLACK HEART HE GOT SUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRCH A DIRRRRTY BLACK HEART" in an inexplicable American accent and totally ruins the song. When Susan Boyle starts rambling towards the end of her songs, Simon Cowell has the good sense to turn her microphone off which is what I feel should have been done there.

We're not talking about all that yelling at the end of Black Heart, though, we're talking about their new song Waterfalls, which is apparently going to feature a special appearance in the music video from TLC themselves (not all of them, obviously, because one of them is dead isn't she? But that's just one of them, and life goes on and bills still need to be paid, do they not??)

The only way I can describe the problem with this song, and with Stooshe in general, is that it's a little bit too low budget to be a high budget thing and a little bit too high budget to be a low budget thing, do you know what I mean? The soul of the original is gone, and in its place there is a bit of "LOOK AT US DOING HARMONIES", but at least they're too busy doing three-point harmonies to start whooping and hollering like they normally do.

It's not the worst thing to ever happen to music, but I'm in no rush to listen to it again and I wouldn't be surprised if the original re-enters the charts and ends up doing better than the Stooshe version, to be honest.

Don't let my whining spoil your enjoyment of it though, give it a listen yourself here if you want:

Poor show, Stooshe. Poor show.

Inspired by Nicki Minaj seemingly tearing a strip off Mariah Carey on the set of American Idol, today's songs will be given a rating on the "scary Nicki Minaj face" scale. The question is, how many "scary Nicki Minaj face"s out of 5 have Stooshe managed to rack up?

Not many is the answer.

Ellie Goulding, feat. Calvin Harris - I Need Your Love
Released 8th October

When I heard that Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding were collaborating I thought "HER VOICE IS TOO QUIET FOR HIS MUSIC", he's better suited to people like Florence who will howl away as if she's accidentally stubbed her toe on the bottom stair, and she's better suited to people like Starsmith who'll make a nice backing track that's going to make her whispering sound like actual singing. 


No I was not. In fact, the song is bloody brilliant. It starts off quite basic and then there is a very Calvin Harris-y instrumental bit, and then it gets a bit quieter again while Ellie does her bit and then it all goes off and it's all generally very good indeed.

It's not going to win either of them any new fans; if you're annoyed by Calvin Harris's noisy breakdowns or Ellie Goulding's singing voice then they are both present and accounted for in this collaboration, but if you're a fan of both or either then you're in for a treat when you give it a spin.

It's not yet known if the song is going to be released as a single, but its appearing on both artists' upcoming albums, which is certainly a good sign.

Jessie Ware - Night Light
Available now as part of her album "Devotions"

So I first encountered the music of Jessie Ware when I reviewed her single Running for that blog I did about the Mercury music prize. And I must admit, having initially written the blog simply so I could go "AREN'T ALL THE ACTS WHO'VE BEEN NOMINATED SHIT", Jessie Ware actually impressed me very much. And now she has a new single out. And the single is called Night Light.

It starts off with a cello which is a good way for anything to start and there's then a lot more instruments. I won't name them all. Either way, it's a very good song about someone watching over you while you sleep. However, she does seem quite happy about the situation suggesting the subject of the song is a lover rather than an intruder, which is reassuring.

To be honest I'm pretty much done reviewing it. It's really, really good. And that's all you need to know. LISTEN TO IT NOW AND LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO.

And that's that!

Wednesday, 3 October 2012


I only did an NMEeeeeeh the other day, I know. But time has moved us on, has it not? If you want to read my most recent blog, with new music from Rihanna, Little Mix and The Artist Formerly Known As Cheryl Cole then click on this text right here that is underlined. If you want to read today's YOU ALREADY ARE HOW NICE FOR YOU. YOU LUCKY DEVIL.

Vince Kidd - Sick Love, feat. Lady Leshurr
Released 4th November

The chances are you don't know who Vince Kidd is. The reason that I do is that two of my good friends watched The Voice UK (meaning they made up roughly 18-20% of its TV audience). Having only watched the "grand" finale, I can safely say that Vince Kidd was the only remotely interesting thing on the entire programme. He actually had something about him.

Unfortunately for Vince he only managed to come fourth in the final (probably because Jessie J picked the most boring song in all of her back catalogue for them to duet to and then kept doing that weird "HUP!" thing when Vince was singing). Well done all concerned.

Vince has bounced back now and has just released the video for his upcoming debut single, entitled Sick Love. It's a song about shagging which is something we can all enjoy (unless you are one of them Jonas Brothers obviously) (except the one who is now married, cos he can have sex whenever he likes, the lucky devil), particularly Vince himself who sounds like he definitely needs a good shagging.

"Dirty. Twisted. Crazy. Nasty...Sick Love", sings Vince in the chorus to the song, which actually puts me in mind of Lady GaGa's The Fame album, but a little bit NAUGHTIER, so well done Vince you've made a good song.

What lets the song down is the rap in the middle, which seems to come from nowhere and literally adds nothing to the song. Other weakness is that the song, while it is good, isn't actually all that sexy. Which is a bit of a letdown when you're singing about giving someone a right good rogering, n'est-ce pas??? Mind you, I'd definitely still let him-- would you not...????

Inspired by the fact Vince Kidd was mentored by Jessie J on the CULTURAL PHENOMENON that was The Voice UK, today's rating scale is the "strange faces pulled by Jessie J in her Domino video". But the question is: how many "strange faces pulled by Jessie J in her Domino video" out of 5 has Vince Kidd managed to score with his debut single..?


Solange - Losing You
Available right this second

It's hard constantly being in the shadow of a sibling, but I imagine it's 10 times as hard when your sister is one of the most recognised faces on the entire planet, and is pretty much acknowledged as one of the most talented women in the music industry. And that's life for Solange Knowles.

Luckily, she's a lady with an ace up her sleeve with her newest single Losing You, which set Twitter gays abuzz yesterday when its music video was unveiled. Musically, it's Pet Shop Boys meets Rihanna, meets Robyn (an unusual but fabulous mix) with mournful lyrics about fearing that she's "losing you for good".

And that's basically it. There isn't a terrible lot to say about the song. Admittedly it's a tiny bit repetitive, but that's not always a bad thing really is it. Here's the video:

It's ironic that with this song about losing someone, Solange is going to be gaining a lot of new fans.

Actually is that ironic or is it just coincidental. Whatever. Here's some Jessie J faces:

Adele - Skyfall
Released 5th October

OK so I'm basing this on a preview clip, the song won't be heard in all of its glory until this Friday. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna sue me? ARE YOU GOING TO SUE ME FOR REVIEWING A CLIP INSTEAD OF A FULL SONG?? OBJECTION!!!!!!!!!!!


So, yeah. Adele has recorded the Bond theme for the upcoming film Skyfall. And it's everything you'd expect Adele doing a Bond theme to be- it's dramatic, it's big-sounding, it's brooding. The one thing it's not, which I think is quite unexpected, is sad. It's not a sad song, it's actually a love song about standing by someone and taking on the world together.

"Let the sky fall, when it crumbles we will stand tall and face it all together", Adele sings, which is a lovely message indeed and a welcome change from her usual schtick of "You have hurt me, now I'm pissed in a taxi rank at 4 in the morning, wanted to dial your number but accidentally called your mam and now I'm crying into my kebab".

It's also a lot more of a traditional Bond theme than more recent efforts from Madonna or Jack White, it seems she's taking it back to the days of Shirley Bassey or Carly Simon with this one, which I definitely approve of because at the end of the day who doesn't love a bit of Diamonds Are Forever??? 

Listen to the Skyfall preview RIGHT HERE:

But how many "strange faces pulled by Jessie J in her Domino video" has the preview merited?

Well there you go. Well done Adele.

That's all

Monday, 1 October 2012


Want to hear some new music? DO YOU????

Rihanna - Diamonds
Out now

Yes yes I've already blogged about it, but I deliberately left my opinions out of the equation so that when the time came I'd be able to do it in a separate blog. And here we are. I hope you're excited.

Following on in the vain of Only Girl (In The World) and We Found Love I was expecting this song to be a proper club jam that made you want to throw you arms in the air, showering everyone with your beverage of choice, and then dry-hump a stranger until the friction of fabrics ends up giving you thrush. That's what I wanted from the new Rihanna single. Thrush.

Instead, this is a bit more of a quiet one in the vain of some of her album tracks (Cold Case Love, Drunk On Love, Farewell, Fire Bomb TO NAME BUT FOUR) but that doesn't make it any less good. The track was "penned" by Sia and, given that the only songs I actually know by Sia are all David Guetta or Flo-Rida collaborations, that's still obvious even to me when you listen to it. Yet there's something about Rihanna's delivery that just makes it a Rihanna song, and I suppose that's why no matter HOW ANGRY RIHANNA MAKES YOU WITH THE CHOICES IN HER PERSONAL LIFE you can't deny that she is very good at the day job.

There's a lot of talk on Twitter about it being "underwhelming" which I find very surprising. Diamonds is actually a really nice love song with lyrics about being in a moment with someone you really love; and there and then "shining" and being "beautiful, like diamonds in the sky". It's really, really good. But then I have been listening to it all bloody weekend so I am somewhat biased.

If you'd like to make your own mind up, then I will make it very easy for you by posting a video of the song right here underneath these words, and above the words that are still to come later in the blog post (it's not a lyric video, curiously, unless we're mishearing and the lyrics to the song are actually DIAMONDS RRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR R R R R R R RRRRRR RRRRR):

In light of this being Rihanna's five millionth single release, today's NMEeeeeeh rating scale is based on "oft-overlooked Rihanna singles" from over the course of her career. The question is, how many oft-overlooked Rihanna singles out of 5 does Diamonds get..?

Little Mix - DNA
Released 12th November

Success is notoriously fleeting for X Factor winners (Leona Lewis and Little Mix remain the only X Factor victors still signed to evil genius Simon Cowell's SyCo record label) and while their first original single Wings did manage to top the charts, it's fair to say that Little Mix aren't out of the woods and into Simon's good books just yet, and so their choice of second single was crucial to what happens next in terms of their career.

Intriguingly, DNA opens with the sound of a child's music-box mixed with the sounds of a heart monitor flat-lining which, I'll be honest, does put one slightly in mind of infant death, which is hardly what you want to think about when you're trying to enjoy a pop song.

It can't be denied that the electronic backing, dramatic vocal and stuttering lyrics do put one in mind of Katy Perry's ET which wouldn't be so blatant if it weren't for the fact that most people would say that it was with Little Mix's performance of ET on last year's Halloween special of X Factor that first made them stand out from the competition. However, to give the song its credit it is very catchy and will probably be a big hit.

There is a talking bit in the middle much like in Whole Again by Atomic Kitten, which rhymes "passes all the tests" with "cardiac arrest" (no mention of BREASTS though which also rhymes). Then there is a mint chorus bit which sounds a bit like an old school mass in a cathedral or something, which fills my Catholic heart with joy.

Just to let you see if I'm onto something here, here is Little Mix's new single DNA:

And here is their performance of ET:

Is it just me..?

Oh and here is DNA's position on the "Oft-overlooked Rihanna singles" chart:

Cheryl - Screw You, feat. Wretch 32
Release date TBA (except you can get it on iTunes as part of her album, which makes you wonder why people bother releasing singles anymore doesn't it?)

OK, so technically this isn't a "new" song; it's probably the most talked about track on The Artist Formerly Known As Cheryl Cole's most recent album A Million Lights. However, I don't have this album, and Cheryl put a lyric video up to this song recently so it's new to me. If you think this is cheating then I wholeheartedly apologise but I'm sure your life isn't over, your world isn't going to zoom out of orbit and end all civilisation as we know it, is it?

As Cheryl is always so keen to point out she doesn't write her own songs, so we shouldn't read too much into this being about her ex-husband and shagger-about Ashley Cole. However, by that logic Whitney Houston didn't write I Will Always Love You, and therefore you could argue the emotion of that song is completely fake. Similarly, Michael Jackson didn't write Man In The Mirror yet no one is disputing that he stood there gauping at himself and asking his reflection to "change his way and no message could have rang any clearer" (when I was younger I used to think it was "no moustache" HAHAHAHAA kids, eh?).

Anyway, the song itself is (obviously) quite an angry one. "Can't believe all the shit I did for you", Cheryl sings. Actually she doesn't say the word "shit", but a sound effect alludes to that being what Cheryl would sing if she was a bit less child-friendly. Rihanna would probably have just said the word "shit". The jury is out on whether Beyoncé would have said the word "shit" or left it to a sound effect.

There's a lot going on in this song, it's a bit all over the place in the vein of Girls Aloud's Biology, except it's not that good. It's a bit like someone has cut and paste a few different songs together, it just doesn't flow very well. And the chorus isn't very catchy. And there's bits in the chorus that overlap which makes it hard to sing over. And I like a chorus I can sing along to.

Still. It's alright.

That's all for now.