Wednesday, 26 September 2012

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I've been on a bit of a blogging kick the past few days (I'm spending a lot of time in the flat at the moment before uni starts up in full swing again, plus we only just got our Internet back yesterday so I'm celebrating). In case you missed my most recent two blogs, here are some links before you read this one (either my review of new music from Kylie, Lana and Ke$ha or a look back on my year abroad). If you've already read those, or of course you don't want to read them, then just keep reading this because it's time for a brand new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Rihanna makes a tit of herself on the dance floor (not by being a prick and doing that routine from The Inbetweeners Movie, in case you were wondering).


We all know that when it comes to partying, Rihanna is a big believer in the "go hard or go home" philosophy. 

However, During a recent trip to Las Vegas with her good mate Ne-Yo it seems that Rihanna had perhaps overstepped the mark. According to onlookers Rihanna was in the middle of throwing some shapes on the dance floor throwing up on herself, before being handed a white towel to clean herself up by a member of her entourage.

The best part of the story is that Rihanna decided not to call it a night there, and instead kept on going and ended up staying out till 5.30 in the morning before going on to the Spearmint Rhino strip-club. 

UHMAZING!!! It's not yet known whether or not the night culminated in a cheeky game of strip billiards, as does seem to be the Vegas tradition.

While we're on the subject of Rihanna, she's now in full-swing on the album campaign for her upcoming seventh (seventh!!!) release by debuting her new single Diamonds. She teased fans first of all by posting the artwork for the song, which features Rihanna rolling a joint which is actually filled with diamonds.



Extravagant.

If you want to listen to the song for yourself, you can hear it below.


Alright, isn't it?

2. Zayn Malik wants to put his nob inside of a lady.


It seems that dirty dog Zayn Malik off of One Direction could be getting his end away while he's in America, away from his girlfriend Perrie Edwards off of Little Mix.

An alleged leaked recording of Zayn is doing the rounds on the Internet at the moment, where Zayn (or someone who sounds a lot like him) is coaxing a girl on the phone to walk straight past the fans outside and give security the false name of "Crystabel Riley" (it turns out Crystabel Riley is actually the One Direction stylist, how nice for her).

When the girl says she and her friends are 20 minutes away, Zayn tells them that bandmate Harry Styles might not be able to wait that long for "booty". Wow.

Can you imagine Harry Styles, the horniest creature in the whole world of popular music, having to wait 15 minutes for sex? Do you think Liam Payne has a water pistol he uses when Harry starts humping the furniture and furiously rubbing himself against his bandmates?

So far there's no comment from Zayn either confirming or denying that it's his voice in the clip, but you can judge for yourself here:


17th floor, people. Crystabel Riley. 15 minutes time...'arry can't wait 20.

3. Lady GaGa has gained weight and she doesn't give a shit and I think that is great.


Photos of marijuana-enthusiast, founder of LittleMonsters.com and part-time pop singer Lady GaGa have been doing the rounds for about a week now where the singer has been looking slightly larger than her usual self. 

Naturally, this has sparked a huge debate about whether she's binge-eating (she's probably still underweight, people) and celebrated obstetrician Kelly Osbourne chucked her two cents in and claimed she thinks GaGa is pregnant. God bless Kelly Osbourne and her expert opinions, I've got a mole I wouldn't mind her having a look at, while she's dishing out free medical advice.

It seems GaGa's had enough of the talk about her weight, and as her way of a rebuttal she posted this photo on her Twitter, along with the message "bulimia and anorexia since I was 15"


I say good on you, Lady GaGa for embracing your weight gain and not trying to cover it up. It's annoying you're going "look how much weight I've put on" while you're still very thin, which I don't think is healthy for people who may be recovering from eating disorders, but your heart is in the right place clearly.

And here's one of her arse.


ARTPOP.

Yeah so that's all.
Laters!
x

One year on..


There will probably be no celebrities mentioned in this blog post.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I moved to France, which is actually a little bit unbelievable. The past twelve months have gone by so quickly, and truthfully I still don’t feel “ready” to go on my year abroad, let alone have already had one that ended 4 months ago. 

The actual morning of my leaving I did not feel scared or sad or anything like that, because I had been living in total denial for the weeks leading up to it. I was quite sure that something or someone was going to come along and say “oh Daniel, you don’t actually have to go to France. Don’t be ridiculous”. But they didn’t. And as my mam helped me with my suitcase onto the train and left me in my seat it gradually sunk in that I was actually leaving the country and I was in no way, shape or form prepared for that. Thankfully, what then ensued was the train door closing on my mam who- thinking it would be like a lift door- stuck out her arm to stop it and ended up almost going all the way to London with her right arm hanging partially out of a train.


When I think about my year abroad, it’s hard to pinpoint a particular happy memory or special moment because the whole thing was so surreal I spent most of it in a dream-like state. What I do remember is going to a lot of parties with some amazing people. I remember having a lot of gin. I remember slowly liking red wine more and more. I think about dancing in a lot of French bars with some very cool folks (and a lot of very uncool folks, as it goes). And I remember walking back to my flat at 3am and being sick in the street.


Ah, my flat. If you are a long-time follower of my Twitter account (and if you’re not you should rectify that immediately) you’ll know I lived in a bedsit with no oven and fairly limited furniture. It took me a while, but I grew attached to this flat in a very serious way. I literally had some of the best (and, indeed, some of the worst) times of my life in that flat and when I think back to it, it is with warmth. 

I think about microwaving a frozen pizza and then grilling the bottom so it would go crispy. I think about what was literally dozens of takeaway boxes, stacked in the corner of the room. I think about my Carrie Bradshaw poster falling on me in the middle of the night. I think about that bastard dog that would bark all night long upstairs, even though we were specifically told there were no pets allowed in the building. I think about that horrible lift which only worked 50% of the time, and when it did work it more-often-than-not smelled so strongly of marijuana that I was off my face by the time I got to work each morning.


Something I’m surprised at is how much I miss teaching. While it remains something I’m in no way interested in pursuing as a career, I did enjoy it. I was probably not a “conventional” teacher, the kids I liked got to hear all about my life in Le Mans, how I was getting on with various friends I’d made and general tidbits from my personal life. The ones I hated got worksheets and utter silence until the bell went. For those who are interested here are a selection of various lessons I did with my students:
  • Dancing On My Own by Robyn played to the class. Lyrics given out with gaps. Gaps filled in while listening to the song. A discussion then ensued about whether we felt sorry for the girl in the song, or whether she was a mentalist who didn’t deserve the nice guy she was stalking.
  • The same lesson but with The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
  • The same lesson but with Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole, complete with a fact-file about Cheryl and whether or not we think it is better to fight for love like Cheryl did with Ashley.
  • Make new years’ resolutions for various celebrities including Prince William, Beyoncé, Susan Boyle and Justin Bieber (one memorable incident involved a student saying “he [the Biebs] should cut his hair” followed by another shouting “he should cut his throat”)
  • Play Your Cards Right but with celebrities’ ages. One class guessed that Christina Aguilera was in her mid-to-late 40s. Poor X-Tina.
  • A lesson based around this memorable news story from The Daily Mail a couple of years ago, followed by an activity on Geordie slang.

What I should probably mention briefly is my boyfriend, who I met in France and is one of the best people who has ever existed. Again for those who didn’t know, we’ve been together now for almost 9 months. His name is Niklous and he lives in Texas. And I miss him terribly, we had some amazing times together in France. Thankfully, after what will by the time we see each other be 6 months of not seeing each other, I’m going to Texas at the start of November to see him which I’m very excited about. He is really wonderful, and was, of course, a massive part of my year abroad experience.


All in all, it’s unbelievable that a whole year has passed since I got on that train and ended up in France. The past 12 months have gone by in a blur of parties, trips to McDonalds to use Wi-Fi, hysterical laughing and hysterical crying in minutes of one another, 5.30am alarms going off, sitting around Johnson’s flat, mixing cocktails for my 80s birthday party, traveling, speaking actual French to actual French people, getting a terrifying haircut at a barbers that doubled up as a halal butchers, shouting at Nik in the street just because I was pissed, cursing Jenni Hopkins as she filled my bed up with Pringles crumbs and, of course, drinking two bottles of wine in a launderette on a Saturday night, winking at a man on the tram and then passing out in my boyfriend’s bathroom.


What I got out of it was knowing that I am capable of looking after myself. That I am not the most awkward person in the world after all, and that I can make friends with people if I want to. And, most importantly, that there is someone in the world mental enough to go out with me, even if we do live 5000 miles away.

I had some incredible times and met some incredible people.


I’m glad I went, in other words. It was alright.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

NMEeeeeeh.

Well it seems like my new feature NMEeeeeh (short for "new music- eeeeeeh!" for those who didn't know) did OK. So let's do another one, yeah? Here's three brand new tracks that have gone online the last couple of days, along with my completely unqualified opinion.

Ke$ha - Die Young
Released 18th November

I'll admit it, Ke$ha's upcoming second album Warrior has been my most anticipated release of 2012, so  I was very excited when I heard that the Princess Of Trash's upcoming new single Die Young had gone online. The song is everything you'd expect from a Ke$ha comeback single: lyrics including "taking shots" and "magic in our pants". Music-wise it's got a nice guitar riff which actually puts me in mind a little bit of One Direction, while Ke$ha herself talks about making "the most of the night like we're gonna die young".

Of course it's dead catchy and a lot of fun, and the first time I hear this song on a night out then just try and hold me back from the dance floor, bitch. I must admit, though, considering how long Ke$ha's actually been in the studio recording this material, and all the hype she's created with her tweets, I was hoping for a bit more of a step forward with her sound, whereas this could easily have been on either her debut Animal or the follow-up mini-album Cannibal.

Judge for yourself by watching the lyric video here...


Shall we say where it ends up on the "Nick Clegg- I'm sorry" scale..?


Kylie Minogue - Flower
Released 29th October

This new single from everyone's second favourite Minogue sister is the only previously unreleased track on her upcoming The Abbey Road Sessions album, which features orchestral arrangements of some of her most popular hits. So let's be clear here: this album is for fans. It's a different direction for Kylie "La La La, La La, La La, La, La La La, La La, La, La La" Minogue. This is a temporary sound for her on one album, it's certainly no follow-up to mental, what-MDNA-should-have-sounded-like single Timebomb from earlier in the year. 

Having said that, it's not bad. I mean, let's face it, ballads have never been Kylie's strong point because she's not exactly known for her vocal abilities, is she? It's a bit boring, and it's not something I'd be in a desperate rush to ever listen to again. There is a nice bit in the middle where everything drops out except Kylie and some very staccato-sounding strings, which is cool. But aside from that: it's OK. And that's it, really.

Kylie did direct the black-and-white video for the song herself, so well done Kylie. You can catch it for yourself by doing a cheeky scroll down and whacking the play button:


But where does Flower found itself on the Clegg-o-meter..?


Lana Del Rey - Ride
Released 11th November

Disgustingly, this is the first time Lana Del Rey has ever been mentioned on this blog. In case you're wondering how I feel about a woman who made an album featuring the lyric "all my friends tell me I should move on...tell them when you find true love it lives on", I feel very good about her. Lana Del Rey is a frigging icon. A legend. And that is that. So when it was announced she was re-releasing her gorgeous album Born To Die with a shedload of new tracks I felt very good about it indeed.

The first song we're hearing from the "Paradise Edition" of her album is called Ride. A bit like that Ke$ha track, it's more of the same from Lana on this new song, except this time her album wasn't released so long ago that this is an issue. Instead it's Lana playing up to her strengths, doing another moody ballad, begging "don't break me down, I've been traveling too long, I've been trying too hard"  and sounding gorgeous while she does it.

It's once again not a particularly cheery-sounding song, though it's still a far cry from the doom and gloom of previous hits Video Games or Blue Jeans. Listen to it for yourself, accompanied by a photo of Lana having the time of her life on a tyre swing, below:


"I'm tired of feeling fucking crazy", says Lana. Never, says Silly Old Daniel. But what does Nick Clegg think?


That's it for now!
Laters!
x

Thursday, 20 September 2012

NMEeeeeeh.

So we all know that NME stands for "New Music Express". If you didn't know that then I apologise for generalising, and hope you appreciate the bit of trivia. So anyway, I'm starting a new feature on this here blog based on this fact. It's called NMEeeeeeh (that's 6 "E"s if you're interested) which stands for "New Music- Eeeeeeh". Maybe it will be a regular feature, maybe I will never do it again. Basically I'm going to chuck you some new songs and let you know if they're a heap of shite or not. FUN TIMES AHEAD, EH?

Let's see what's new out in the musical world:

Misha B - Do You Think Of Me?
Released October 28th

The followup to Misha B's fucking mental debut single Home Run is called Do You Think Of Me? and is admittedly a bit more tame than its predecessor. That's not to say, however, that it's boring as it's actually something of a tears-on-the-dance-floor affair about pining for a lost love that starts off all dramatic vocals and drum machines and by the end of it sounds more like something in the vain of Show Me Love that makes you want to cry ugly tears and do a slut-drop all at the same time. If she carries on like this, Misha B could have one of the most interesting post-X Factor careers in the show's history.

Fancy a listen..?



Of course the real mystery is: what's its rating on the "Britney's head" scale, out of 5..?



Lady GaGa - Cake Like Lady GaGa


It seems the Mary Jane might have gone to Lady GaGa's head a bit, as this new bewildering track with producer DJ White Shadow (the man who has so far co-produced her singles The Edge Of Glory and Born This Way, to name just a couple) has recently appeared online which sees GaGa channeling her inner bad bitch and actually attempting some class of rap.

Ladies and gentlemen: I shit you not.

If this song is as tongue-in-cheek as I hope and pray it is (and I'm 99% sure this was done for a larff) she's actually done quite a job. She goes down the traditional rap route bragging about her "private plane" and "diamond ring in your face", but then goes on to be a bit more off-the-wall insisting that she will "fuck your wife like Lady GaGa", compares herself to Donatella Versace and then threatens to "snatch your fucking weave out bitch" which could easily be a reference to long-time rival Madonna but, let's face it, probably isn't. 

"Burkha swag like Lady GaGa", raps GaGa over White Shadow's beat, which you can check out for yourself in all it's head-scratchingly baffling glory right here...


Let's be honest, though. It is, of course, utter crap.


Mika - The Origin Of Love
Released 8th October


And so, from a woman called Misha and a rap about cake to a man whose name sounds like Misha who once sang a song about women who eat lots of cake.

Indeed.

For those more used to the Mika who leaps around screeching in his high-pitched voice about being golden, sucking people off and loving fat lasses, this song could well come as a big surprise. It seems in the time he's been away since his last album Mika has grown up somewhat and this cut from his upcoming album (also named The Origin Of Love) is a clear indication of that. Gone are the children's choirs and and Carry On... style innuendos, and instead it seems Mika's trying his darndest to show us that in his time off he's become a bit more sensible and arty. 

Whether or not you think he's trying too hard is up to you, particularly if you watch the accompanying video clip for the song which is every Instagram-loving hipster's wet dream and even features a tasteful clip of a lady's MINGE. My goodness. What would the little girl in the Grace Kelly video say???

Seriously, though, there is a cheeky bit of nudity in this video so if you don't like the sight of a lady's bare breasts/bush then this is not the video for you. Otherwise, here you go YOU DIRTY PERV...



I'd love to discuss how the complicated harmonies contrast greatly with the fairly minimalistic musical accompaniment, but I just saw a lady's pubes so I'm smirking like a 9-year-old.


And that's it for today's NMEeeeeeh. If this is the first and last in the series, then I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.

I just hope people bring out some new music in the next few days.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

The Mercury Music Prize: My Thoughts.

Hello there readers.

Today it was announced which albums were up for the much coveted Mercury Prize, a presigious award given to the best British album of the last 12 months. Previous nominees for the award include people I actually listen to on a regular basis like Amy Winehouse, Florence and the Machine and La Roux, but it dawned on me when looking through this year's shortlist that I'd only actually heard of one of them.

So what I thought I'd do with you today, my beloved readers, was listen to all 12 of these albums and let you know which was my favourite. However, I couldn't be arsed. So instead, what I'm going to do is listen to the lead single from each and then tell you if it is as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds, seeing as how her album Electra Heart has been noticeably missed off the list even though it is my personal favourite British album of 2012.

You might not know this, but my surname is quite far down the list alphabeatically, meaning that I was always near the end of the register at school. In honour of this I've decided to review the nominees in reverse-alphabetical order. Let those bastards starting with "A" and "B" know how it feels to be last on the school minibus for a change (I'm looking at you, Carla)

Jessie Ware - Devotion 

What's the lead single?
It's called Running.

Is it a load of old tosh?
It isn't, as it goes. In fact, it's very good. It's a very cool-sounding song about, generally, being a bit mental for someone which is something I 100% can not relate to because I have never been mental in a relationship ever and I've certainly never been dumped and been so angry that I threw my mobile telephone off my bedroom wall and broke it. That's certainly never happened.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Jessie Ware was the support act for Paloma Faith, and she says she would be open to working with David Guetta and Calvin Harris in the future. Unfortunately for Jessie, both of these artists are notoriously shy and don't like to collaborate with other singers.

And is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
It is, which makes me regret immediately reviewing this one first as it sort-of disproves my point a bit, doesn't it?

Roller Trio - Roller Trio

What's the lead single?
I don't know so I'm just going to review their song R-O-R which is the only one I can find a video for on the YouTube.

Is it a load of old tosh?
I mean...it's jazz. It's jazz music. This particular track seems nice and laidback and everything but it's not something I'd ever listen to again if it was between that and something that didn't essentially sound like everyone was making it up as they went along.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Not a lot, because they don't have a Wikipedia page. And it seems to me their album cover does resemble someone's shaved pubes that they have just discarded and abandoned in a heap on a bathroom tile, but perhaps that is just my mind that sees that.

Yes...and is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
In my opinion: no. No it is not.

Plan B - ill Manors

What's the lead single?
It's also imaginatively called ill Manors.

Is it a load old tosh?
I don't think it's a load of old tosh, but he certainly doesn't sound very happy at all on this particular song. It's really not very pleasant to listen to, although the chorus does feature the line "Oi! I said oi!", which in my opinion is simply not used enough in popular song today. Perhaps someone should have a word with The Saturdays about sticking it into their upcoming single. Seriously though, he's rapping about the problems we live with every single day in the UK in 2012, which is good if you're into all that, but to be honest I'm not and he just sounds very aggressive and angry which is not something I particularly enjoy. SOZ MATE.

What can you tell me about the artist?
The album this song (ill Manors) came from (ill Manors) the film which Plan B actually wrote and directed himself, which was indeed also named ill Manors. Plan B's dog is also named ill Manors, as are his upcoming fragrance and his gran (note: that last sentence contains three lies).

Very nice, and is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
To quote Simon Cowell "I'm going to say no this time".

The Maccabees - Given To The Wild

What's the lead single?
It's a song called Pelican, which puts me in mind of the oft-overlooked Roald Dahl classic "The Giraffe The Pelly and Me".

Is it a load old tosh?
Oh...no it's not but it's not anything special. If you've heard an indie song before then you have heard a variation of this track, although there are some nice harmonies which is nice and it is quite easy-listening so that's alright.

What can you tell me about the artist?
The Macabees came up with their name by opening a Bible and randomly selecting a word. I have, at hand, a copy of Madonna's children's book The English Roses which I will now open at a random page to decide my own future band name...


...and so it came to be that I started a band called "The Fairy Godmother's Bottom". I think it's got a ring to it.

Very nice, and is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
No it's not.

Sam Lee - Ground of its Own

What's the lead single?
I'm not sure if it counts but George Collins seems to be the stand-out track.

Is it a load old tosh?
At first: yes it is. It's Celtic folk music, you see. But then it changes into something more than that. What it changes into, I couldn't say. But it's very weird and very interesting-sounding. Musical fusion, you might say. I got an A in GCSE music, you know.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Sam Lee shares his name with a singer from Taiwan, a tennis player from the early 1900s and and an actor from Hong Kong who is also in a hip hop band called "Lazy Mutha Fucka". However, none of these things describe the Sam Lee I'm discussing now who, according to his official website, is a regular teacher at Newcastle University. However, I doubt very much we move in the same circles around the toon. He makes folk music worthy of a Mercury Prize nomination, I present an online radio show for Geordie homosexuals who like mainstream pop.

Hmmmm- but is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
I think maybe it is actually. Would you believe it, I'm praising folk music! I'm growing!

Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love Big Enough?

What's the lead single?
No Room For Doubt is it's name, and featuring Willy Mason is its game. I'm not sure who that is, but his name is Willy which is always worth a giggle, isn't it? COME ON I KNOW YOU'RE IN YOUR TWENTIES BUT I BET IF YOU MET SOMEONE CALLED WILLY YOU'D STILL HAVE A LITTLE SMIRK TO YOURSELF.

Is it a load of old tosh?
It's a bit boring, if I'm honest. Not very exciting at all.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Lianne La Havas used to sing backing vocals for Paloma Faith, who fellow nominee Jessie Ware went on tour with! Is Paloma Faith some sort of constant between all of this year's nominees? I bet Paloma is a tiny bit gutted that her former backing singer's album is on the shortlist and her own album is not. That must be a bit of a kick in the tits, let's be honest. She sings very quietly, which gets on my tits. A bit like in that Gotye song which I am prone to shouting "SING UP! WE CAN'T HEAAAR YOU!!!" when I hear, particularly after a gin or two.

And is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
It is definitely not.

Michael Kiwanuka - Home Again

What's the lead single?
It's called Home Again.

Is it a load of old tosh?
It's not my cup of tea, like. It reminds me a bit of something on the Juno soundtrack except there aren't wonderfully quirky lyrics like: "I've got 54 jelly beans in my jar, and I've still got the note you wrote in my car, and I open up the jar and hand you one bean, Cos you're the cutest boy that I've ever seen".

I suppose the fact that I stopped paying attention to this song by Michael Kiwanuka and started writing my own song to try and be quirky enough to fit snugly onto the Juno soundtrack probably suggests that this song is a bit dull, really. Imagine if my jelly beans song was real, though? That wouldn't be boring at all.

What can you tell me about the artist?
According to the BBC, Michael Kiwanuka is the "Sound of 2012". Unless the apocalypse at the end of this year comes from us all falling asleep I can't agree with them.

So it's not as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds, then?
It's not, no.

Richard Hawley - Standing At The Sky's Edge

What's the lead single?
The lead single is Leave Your Body Behind You which I think is a great song title so well done Richard Hawley

Is it a load of old tosh?
My dad would love this song, and I love my dad so I'm going to say that it's not my taste and leave it there. Musically it reminds me a lot of Morrissey, but Richard Hawley does not have Morrissey's voice. His voice isn't actually that good so I'm not actually listening to what he's singing while I'm listening.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Richard Hawley was in Pulp, which was the favourite band of the boy I was seeing when I was 17. I invite all of you to tweet me with the name of the favourite band of the boy that you were seeing when you were 17 @sillyolddaniel

Daniel, man, is it as good as that song by Marina and the Diamonds that goes "PRIMADONNA GIRL ALL I EVER WANTED WAS THE WORLD" which has no introduction and therefore sometimes frightens you when you're listening to your headphones and it comes on Shuffle?
No.

Field Music - Plumb

What's the lead single?

Is it a load of old tosh?
No it isn't. Again, like that Macabees song, it's all very indie but it's got a better melody and is a bit more catchy. So good for you, Field Music, because you've made a song that I'd be inclined to listen to again even though Dr. Luke didn't produce it.

What can you tell me about the arist?
They're only from bloody Sunderland!! Where I bloody live now!!!! Previous members of the group have included overlaps with fellow local bands Maxïmo Park and The Futureheads. I once met Paul Smith of Maxïmo Park in The Gate in Newcastle and got an autograph for my dad, but I didn't want to tell him it was for my dad so I said I was a big fan. I then tried to photograph him with my two friends who were with me at the time, when his girlfriend pipes up "WHY DON'T YOU GET IN THE PHOTO SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A BIG FAN?"
"I am not a fan, mind your own business you stupid bint", I wanted to reply. But that would be distasteful.

Is it as good as Primadonna?
Nar it's not but it's still alright

Django Django - Django Django

What's the lead single?
The lead single, my friends, is called Default.

Is it a load of old tosh?
Eeeeh no it's not! It's great! There's quite a lot going on, and I'm a bit worried as it goes on it's going to get a bit more experimental and frighten me but I'm about halfway-through at this stage and it's not frightening me yet.

What can you tell me about the artist?
"Tuppence" magazine called their album a "modern classic", though I am personally more amused that a magazine called "Tuppence" exists and I was never made aware of this hilarious fact.

Now that it's finished has it "become a bit more experimental" or "frightened you", Daniel?
Nar it hasn't, it's great.

Yeah but is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
Aye definitely.

Ben Howard - Every Kingdom

What's the lead single?
The lead single is Old Pine. GOT WOOD? HAHAHAHAHA!

Is it a load of old tosh?
Well I'm certainly regretting saying "got wood" cos this song is something of a buzz kill. It's not a party track I can tell you that much. In fact, listening to it is making me a bit sad. I suppose some people would say that it's good. That the song is making me "feel something". But do you know what? If a song makes me sad then the chances are I'm not going to listen to it again. With the exception of Lana Del Rey. Obviously.

What can you tell me about the artist?
I have a feeling my friends Jenni and Harriet were hoping to go and see Ben Howard in Nantes when we were on our year abroad, and they were trying to talk me into it but I'd never heard of him. I'm pleased we didn't go, I'd have been sick of my life by the end.

Is that song as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
No it isn't.

AND FINALLY

Alt-J - An Awesome Wave

What's the lead single?
The lead single is called Matilda, which is the second song I've listened to tonight that has made me think of Roald Dahl. It is now 2.30am so I'm probably going to be dreaming of The Twits and the B-F-frigging-G when I lay myself down to sleep after this.

Is it a load of old tosh?
Well I cannot understand a word this man is singing which is not a good start, but it's not a "load of old tosh", no. It's a nice little song.

What can you tell me about the artist?
Apparently they're not really called Alt-J they're called ∆ which is what happens when you press the "alt" button and then "J" on your keyboard, except I'm someone who permanently has the "caps lock" on (much to the annoyance of everyone I share a laptop with) so it comes up as Ô when I do it. There was a night-club in Le Mans called "Le Saint Ô" which I once went to with a Spanish boy at 4.30 in the morning, though honestly the less said about that the better...

And is it as good as Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds?
No it isn't.

So, that's that. I have listened to the lead singles from all twelve of the Mercury-nominated albums. And here is what I have established:

Who do you, Silly Old Daniel of Hebburn, want to win this year's Mercury Prize?
I've got to say I'm gunning for Django Django. I'd be happy for Jessie Ware to win too, though.

Nice. And was Marina and the Diamonds robbed?
Compared to some of that shite she was, yes!

Friday, 7 September 2012

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup: VMAs Special.

You might remember for last year's MTV Video Music Awards I stayed up dead late, after a night on the brandy with my dear friend Carla, and live-tweeted the whole thing before posting a blog of my personal highlights alongside my slightly pissed tweets.

Well, this year I didn't do that. I was tired so I went to sleep like a normal person. Sorry about that. For those who didn't catch the ceremony (myself included) here are the bits that everyone's talking about, to save you sitting through all the shite in a brand new VMAs special of the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

1. Rihanna and Katy Perry have a girls night.


If you cast your mind back to last year's VMA awards, you may remember that Katy Perry was there with ridiculous pink hair and a large block of cheese on her head, truly looking like a right twat. You may also remember that her date for the evening was her husband Russell Brand who was there supporting her like a good husband should.

For obvious reasons (THEY'RE DIVORCED NOW AREN'T THEY?) Russell was not at last night's ceremony, and certainly wasn't there as Katy Perry's escort. Despite rumours she's rekindled her relationship with John Mayer (who, shall we be honest, it would seem has shagged basically every famous woman who has ever lived), Katy showed off her playful side and decided to have close friend Rihanna be her date for the evening, as evidenced in the picture above where it looks ever so slightly like they're fingering each other.

I know these award ceremonies can be long and tedious, ladies, but there's a time and a place for mutual masturbation.

However, it wasn't just Katy Perry who Rihanna was getting close to, as the largest talking point of the evening came after she won the coveted "Video Of The Year" award for her song with Calvin Harris, We Found Love (an underground hit you've probably never heard of). After collecting the award, photos seem to show Rihanna sharing a kiss with her abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Brown who famously smashed her face in before the Grammys in 2009. 

It was also a good night for Chris "Cuddliest Man In Pop" Brown as his video for Turn Up The Music beat competition from Justin Bieber and Usher to "Male Video Of The Year", and in my opinion both of those artists have ever knocked a woman around.

SHALL WE HAVE A CLOSER LOOK AT THIS SO-CALLED KISS..?


CLOSER..???


CLOSER A-BLOODY-GAIN....????????


OK that is arguably too close. Still, though. What the eff is Rihanna playing at??

2. Nicki Minaj wants your money, mate.


You can ask anyone: selling millions of records and concert tickets, as well as having endorsements with Adidas, Pepsi and MAC cosmetics only really covers pocket money. That's the problem that poor old Nicki Minaj, who last night won the "Best Female Video" award for her load of racket single Starships, is obviously facing.

On last night's red carpet, Nicki was quizzed about her future plans for music and she gave a shocking answer. For those who haven't heard her most recent album Pink Friday: Roman Re-loaded, it did get some quite good reviews but everyone has commented on the..."variety" shown on the album.

One minute Nicki is weeping about her star status on Marilyn Monroe, the next she's "spitting rhymes" (yes I said "spitting rhymes" let's move on) like the best of them on Come On A Cone, and then before you know it she's singing a load of RedOne-produced nonsense on Pound The Alarm. The whole thing, to be honest, is inconsistent, disjointed and at 22 tracks long (!!!) it's simply way too long.

Nicki has obviously taken this criticism on board and that's why she's announced she is re-issuing the album. YES YOU HEARD RIGHT, 22 tracks clearly wasn't enough and soon a new edition of the album called Pink Friday: Roman Re-loaded: The Re-Up will be hitting shelves.

An album title that rolls straight off the tongue, and most likely right into Ms. Minaj's bank account. Lovely.

3. Who was the night's biggest winner? (And, indeed, the biggest loser?)


Let's not forget, though, the VMAs isn't just about people getting off with each other and flogging their unnecessary album re-releases, it's about awards. And I imagine you want to know who was the biggest winners of the night?

That honour goes to our home-grown talent One Direction who took home three awards over the course of the evening for "Best Pop Video", "Best New Artist" and "Most Share-Worthy Video" (whatever that means) all for What Makes You Beautiful. The boyband also performed One Thing at the ceremony, which is my favourite One Direction song so there you go. 

They also each managed to get a kiss off Katy Perry who was presenting them with the award, and who was also guest judging at Niall Horan's X Factor audition which eventually led to him being made a member of the band. Funny how stuff works out. Harry Styles was heard to tell her "thanks Katy, but you're a bit young for me" before chasing Betty White around the backstage area like something out of a Benny Hill sketch (NAR MAN I MADE THAT BIT UP).

As for biggest loser of the night, that honour should probably go to Lady GaGa who, after not being nominated for any awards, decided not to go to the ceremony at all. Was she a miss from the proceedings? OF COURSE SHE BLOODY WAS SHE'S LADY BLOODY GAGA. She's been the talking point of the last three VMA awards and if you don't believe me then you can have a look at this...


...and this...


...and this....


However GaGa was there in spirit as she was, in fact, live-tweeting the whole thing even showing her support for M.I.A. (which is curious because right at the beginning of GaGa's career M.I.A. was really horrible about her):


Bad Girls ended up being beaten to the "Video Of The Year" award by We Found Love, which GaGa also praised so that was nice of her wasn't it?:


I must admit, I'm disappointed that GaGa took being snubbed lying down, considering that two of her videos for Yoü and I and Marry The Night were eligible to be nominated and neither of them were. I was rather hoping she'd interrupt the ceremony half-way through dressed as Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty and give a speech similar to this one...



However, she did manage to get some of her true feelings out when MTV suggested "see you next year" on Twitter...

Ouch.

Well that's it for now.
Laters!
x