Thursday, 31 March 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Hello everyone, I hope you've had a nice week. While I have your attention I'm just gonna remind you of some stuff. I'm still writing stuff for Spark magazine which I am sure you will enjoy if you like the stuff I write on this here blog, except I have to not be as CRASS on the Spark site, so you can even tell your mam HIYA MAM READ THIS IT'S DEAD FUNNY and she'll go GOD YES IT IS WHAT A GENIUS YOUNG MAN HE IS.

ALSO, my lovely Carla has actually been a grownup (good job one of us is) and got a job, so I'm going to presenting the Pride radio slot on my own for a while. This means I would appreciate listener-type people more than ever, what with me sitting in a studio on my own for two hours every week, so if you're not doing anything this Sunday then tune into 2pm-4pm. It is literally "quite good", particularly if you are looking for ways to procrastinate on a Sunday afternoon.

Let's talk celebrities. They're still doing shit. Here is a summary of some of that shit in the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. What do Enrique Iglesias and Calvin Harris have in common?

If you answered to the above question "Daniel would have sex with both of them", then you would be correct although Enrique Iglesias is the guy I would have my eye on all night, only to pussy out and end up getting off with Calvin Harris because he is less intimidating. Sad but true. They've also both abandoned plans to support pop princesses on tour.

You see, Britney Spears made an appearance on Good Morning America this week to promote her newly released album Femme Fatale (it's OK, if you were wondering, I was going to do a whole blog about it but truthfully don't feel strongly enough about it either way to make it an interesting read) and perform some of the songs off it (and, of course, by "perform some songs" I mean "lip-sync the whole thing and swish her rancid weave about the place).

She also announced dates for an American tour she would be heading on with Enrique, though hours later it was revealed that Enrique had backed out of the plans. While his reasons for doing so are unknown, it's rumoured Enrique initially thought they would be co-headlining the tour, while Britney merely wanted him to be her opening act. How embarrassing for all concerned. It's easy to see both sides of the story if this is the case, Enrique is simply not as big a star as Britney Spears, but then she and Enrique do go back a long way, as can be seen in what can only be described as MY FAVOURITE YOUTUBE VIDEO EVER:

If that's not going to make you want a Pepsi then nothing is.

It wasn't just Enrique Iglesias who left a damsel in distress this week, though, as Katy Perry was clearly left fuming by Calvin Harris after he pulled out on her the week before he was due to support her on the UK leg of her California Dreams tour. Warning her fans on her Twitter page, Katy said:

So Calvin tried his best to defend himself:

But Mrs. B was having none of it:

So Calvin grovelled a bit...

...And then tried to lighten the mood with a joke...

...which went down like a cup of cold sick...

Funny to hear Calvin pulling out on Katy Perry, last I heard it was Ke$ha he was pulling out on IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.

2. Check out Nicki's bush.

She's not exactly known for her shy and retiring nature, but last night Nicki Minaj proved just how good she is at sticking to a theme. At the "Green Auction: A Bid To Serve The World" in her home of New York Nicki arrived in a green wig.

Unfortunately, the rapper was then photographed in front of a giant hedge which more than slightly resembled the hairstyle she was rocking that night, and as you can see it looks a lot like she's going for the camouflage look. I'm surprised she hasn't got leaves stuck to her dress and a birds' house ontop of her her head.

Meanwhile her latest single Girls Fall Like Dominoes was released to UK radio stations this week, and it seems like Nicki has big plans for the video, from the looks of her tweets:

For those who've not heard the song, she references several "bad bitches" including American stars Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé and Madonna, and reports indicate she's trying to get them all in for a cameo in the video. Could you literally imagine a video with Madonna and Nicki Minaj in??? AMAZING.

3. The Only Way is Essex spills over into the real world.

I am yet to mention it on this blog, but I simply can not get enough of The Only Way Is Essex. My favourite is the new girl, Chloe Simms, whose facial features look so artificial and detachable she gives Mrs. Potato Head a run for her money.

So basically, the picture above shows Mark Wright and his moose fiancée Lauren Goodger (on the right). They got engaged a couple of weeks ago, after having an on-off relationship for the past 9 years. On the left we have Sam Faiers, who is only my age but looks like she is in her early 30s, who told Mark the other day (on the show at least) that she is in love with him and she could no longer keep it to herself anymore.

While promoting the DVD of the first series of the show, Lauren decided to have a word with Sam, which apparently culminated in a large-scale fight with the two lasses having to be pulled off each other. Unfortunately I seriously doubt any of this will end up in The Only Way Is Essex, which is a shame because it would make a welcome change from all the vajazzling that goes on. I swear you can't look directly at half of their fannies without being blinded by crystals.

Well. That's that.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It's been a while since I've done a little Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup, so here is one. It's so late it's early so I'm off to bed now because I can barely keep my eyes open. ENJOY...

1. Chris Brown is pissed right off.

So as if we needed reminding, Chris Brown proved to the world once again that he is not one to be messed with (you'd think the message would be clear enough what with him pure smashing Rihanna's face in, but apparently not).

Yeah so this week he was getting interviewed for Good Morning America to promote his brand new album F.A.M.E. (which, for those wondering what it stands for, spells "fame"), but unfortunately the interviewer just wanted to talk about Chris's ex Rihanna, more specifically that time when he grabbed her by her hair and smashed her face against a car window just for shits and giggles.

Needless to say, Chris wasn't really willing to talk about all that business, insisting it was a part of his past and that the reason he was there was to promote his album. This wasn't enough for the (relentlessly and stupidly fearless) interviewer, who persistently tried to bring Rihanna back into the conversation, despite protestations from Chris himself.

Presumably as a way of showing the world just how under control his rage is, and that he no longer needs to smash things up to vent his anger, Chris then stormed backstage to his dressing room and smashed it up to vent his anger. He broke a window in the backstage area of the TV studio, before rushing out into the street with no top on (not sure why he had no top on but it's not my job to analyse, just to report. Actually it's my job to pull pints and be nice to old women in the hope they'll let me keep the 5p change from their drink order), but thankfully he did have trousers on so his comically over-sized penis wasn't trailing the floor.

However, he didn't seem too fazed by the incident as later that evening he headed to the launch of his new album where this photo was taken:

Chris Brown: still violent and still a misogynist. Excellent.

2. Who wants to hear a probably made up story about Lady GaGa?

Remember that time Lady GaGa showed up to the Grammys in a giant egg, then she sang Born This Way and it wasn't really anything special but because she entered in a massive egg she was still the undoubted highlight of the evening? Do you remember that?

Well Lady GaGa does, and she had such a brilliant time inside of that oversized egg that she wants to do it every single night in her home. According to reports, GaGa is having a similar design made for the bed in her New York apartment, because for the many hours she spent inside the egg prior to the ceremony it helped her gather her thoughts and "feel at peace". Wow.

Now I'm not being funny but imagine you're on a third date with Lady GaGa. OK, last time you saw her she showed up in a dress made of rotten meat, and so what she's sitting across from you right now using big words she clearly doesn't know the meaning of as an attempt to sound smart. She's giving you the look; tonight is the night. Then imagine getting back to her apartment only to find that she wants you to do it in a giant fucking egg. No chance.

I'll tell you what though, at one of her Monster Ball Tour gigs the other night (how in God's name is that tour still going on?? SURELY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAS SEEN IT AT LEAST ONCE BY NOW), she did a fantastic acapella version of Born This Way which really brings home the point that at the end of the day it is the music that is most important:

It's times like this I'm embarrassed to be a Britney Spears fan.

3. As long as people are still talking about Rebecca Black then I'm going to keep writing about her.

Rebecca Black is still trending on Twitter. Surely this must be some class of record? The video for her single Friday has reached almost 40 million views on YouTube, surpassing the videos for Rihanna's S&M, Lady GaGa's Born This Way and B*Witched's C'est La Vie (which has a mere 63,000 views but that's hardly surprising because Blame It On The Weather Man was clearly their best hit), to name but a few.

It seems that as Rebecca's Internet popularity (or notoriety) soars, it seems she's got herself quite a few celebrity admirers herself. For one thing, Simon Cowell has been quoted as saying that he wishes the teenager all the success in the world, and that he'd love to meet her.

"I love her," he says (steady on, Simon), "and the fact she's getting so much publicity. I think it's hysterical". Let's not forget this is the man responsible for unleashing Rowetta, Jedward and Andy The Bin Man onto British society, though. Rebecca Black will probably be one of the rumoured US X Factor judges now, since every other fucker who comes near Simon Cowell is on the "rumoured" list. In fact, look! I've started a rumour myself:

Meanwhile, Lady GaGa herself took valuable time out from having her bed turned into a giant egg to say that she thinks "Rebecca Black is a genius" in an interview with Google this week. Of course, this is a woman who also buys her clothes at Dicksons (the butchers, not the electrical appliances shop, although I daresay she wearing an outfit made out of dishwashers and iPod speakers wouldn't exactly be out of character for Lady GaGa), so her idea of what is genius often differs from the rest of society.

Finally, in her own Good Morning America interview, Rebecca revealed that she felt she was being cyber-bullied, with one YouTube hater telling her to get an eating disorder and die (bit harsh, like). She also confessed to a secret love of teen star Justin Bieber, and openly begged the singer to do a duet with her. Later, Justin took to his own Twitter to post this:

"Sunday comes after Saturday? Weird..."

It's unknown if this is a reference to the lyrics of Friday, or if Justin Bieber has finally got round to learning the days of the week and is struggling to put them in order. It's thought that shortly after her Good Morning America, Rebecca Black ran backstage, punched a producer in the face and did a poo on her dressing room floor. That show brings out the worst in everyone.

Well, it's 3am. To help me (and you, should you find yourself tired) sleep, here is the aforementioned B*Witched number, Blame It On The Weatherman.
Nanight everyone!

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Fittie Of The Week: Chord Overstreet.

I've stopped watching Glee I'm not going to lie. One of the reasons is that the new "hunk" is Chord Overstreet who I just don't fancy at all. There's just something about his face that just doesn't look right to me. However, it wasn't his face I was concerned with when he appeared on Ellen a few days ago:

The worst of it is, it's totally wasted on that big lezz. Imagine if he'd done that here in the uK, it would have Alan Carr/Graham Norton/Paul O'Grady reaching for the smelling salts.

So anyway, when I saw this I thought it was only right he make Fittie Of The Week, particularly when I saw it accompanied with this image which was released this week:

So, erm, yeah. I might start watching Glee again.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Celebrities I Like.

IT'S DAN HERE. Well OK it's Daniel, I will never in a million years be cool enough to be called Dan. Sad times. So anyway, right, the other day on Twitter I asked whether or not my blog was just a load of slagging people off. This was the unfortunate reply:

And so, in the interest of not going to Hell, here is a list of celebrities I actually like in no particular order.

Nicola Roberts

I have taken to typing "Nicola Roberts" into Google news on a daily basis in the hope that news of her solo career will have emerged. I like Nicola because she seems like a genuinely nice person and has put up with a lot of shit over the years, tried to change who she was, and come out of it all a respected member of the fashion world for the very reasons the press used to slate her. Underneath all of her designer clothes is a working-class Northern bird and this is why I love her. Plus, in every Girls Aloud song where Nicola has a prominent verse it is always the best. See: The Loving Kind, Singapore, Sexy! No No No. She is a proper, proper popstar and I really like her.


I can't help but compare Rihanna to Lady GaGa, because while on the surface they seem like really similar artists they are in fact totally different. If you sit Lady GaGa down in an interview it seems like she's immediately on the defensive, using big words she doesn't seem to actually know the meaning of, while Rihanna answers the questions posed to her, she's fun and sassy and a bit naughty. She can be serious and she can be a laugh, she takes her music seriously but doesn't seem to take herself too seriously. Basically she is the perfect popstar, and she deserves the massive success she's had over the last year.

Justin Bieber

People do not like Justin Bieber because it is not cool to like Justin Bieber. So on a daily basis, a 17-year-old boy who makes millions of people happy and hasn't done anything wrong to anyone, gets bombarded with hate-mail with nothing going on in their lives. I mean, really. I don't love Justin Bieber's music, but I think for someone who has achieved so much in such a small amount of time and at such a young age, he seems pretty well-rounded. If I had his level of stardom when I was 17 I would have been an utter twat to everyone, so the fact that he always seems to have time for his fans says a lot for him. More importantly, he clearly has a strong head on his shoulders to go on every day with so many people putting him down just because it's "cool" to do so, so I really respect him for that.

Jonathan Ross

The reason I love Jonathan Ross is because no one is off-limits for him, everyone gets the same treatment and he doesn't kiss anyone's arse. When Lady GaGa sat there with her ridiculous tea-cup and gave monosyllabic bullshit answers to his questions, he just did his usual routine of trying to make her laugh, eventually telling her "I think you're a bit mad, really". I think he's at a stage in his career now where he genuinely doesn't care about the consequences as long as he's entertaining and I love watching him because of that.

Nicki Minaj

This photo basically sums up everything Nicki Minaj is about. She's big and she's flamboyant and she's unmistakeable and she is going to stomp all over you in her gigantic heels. I've already gone on and on about her in a blog I did last week so I won't bore you even further, but I think her attitude is truly admirable, she's a hard worker and she isn't afraid to stand out. If slightly flawed feminist icons are your sort of thing then I recommend her album Pink Friday wholeheartedly. Do I go on about Nicki Minaj too much...?

It seems "yes".

Alan Carr

Say it with me now: Camp is not a crime. Alan Carr has spoken a few times about how he feels like the gay community have rejected him because he's made a career out of being camp, but there are two problems with that.

1. He hasn't made a career out of being camp he's made a career out of being hilarious, his being camp rarely comes into it.
2. You can't just pretend that camp gay people don't exist because we do, and I know this because I am one of them.

So yeah, I have a lot of respect for Alan Carr for never pretending that he's someone he's not, and for being brave enough to play to his strengths even if it meant rejection from his own community. The sad truth is there is a lot of homophobia within the gay community, and if it takes people like Alan Carr to bring it to light then so be it. Camp. Is not. A crime.

Cher Lloyd

Like Justin Bieber, Cher Lloyd is a teenager who has to put up with a lot of shit from a lot of people who should really know better. Thankfully, it seems like Cher Lloyd has real balls and isn't someone who listens to what other people say. More importantly, she isn't shy and retiring, she sticks up for herself. When people on Twitter make fun of her gypsy heritage, she retaliates and says she's proud of who she is. Her performance style might not be to everyone's tastes, but I genuinely think she's a good role model to young girls to be strong, fight for what you want and don't late people get you down with their words. I think the only album I am more excited for in 2011 than that of Nicola Roberts is Cher Lloyd's. If it is a heap of shite I may kill myself.


I'm not sure at what exact point Morrissey stopped caring, but it seems whenever he opens his mouth to a journalist these days he's an absolute loose cannon that cannot be stopped from slagging someone or something off to within an inch of their lives. And someone who cares that little about public approval can only really be applauded. More importantly, I do hold the opinion that The Smiths were every bit as important for the evolution of pop music as The Beatles were, and yet Morrissey doesn't seem to have let it go to his head like Sir Paul McCartney, who seems to think he is the second coming of Jesus. If Morrissey think something is injust he says it, but he doesn't just blurt it out he is poetic and articulate about it. BASICALLY HE IS EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE IN THIS LIFE.


You can try and put down Madonna's contribution to not just the world of music but modern society in general, but that would be ridiculous. If you're a woman who talks about sex then you owe a lot to Madonna, which might well be a flippant and sexist thing for me to say but it is the truth. Had she not been so disgustingly graphic about sex in the early 1990s, flashing her vagina this way and that, then loads of women wouldn't have been brave enough to be a tiny bit vocal about sex. The fact is without Madonna there would be no Sex And The City, there would be no Lady GaGa, there would be no Rihanna and the world would be a really different place. Over 25 years in the entertainment industry and still counting- Madonna is the bad bitch.

That's enough niceness for one day. I'm off to go and kick an infant.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Get down on Friday.

In case you haven't seen Rebecca Black's Friday video yet, I have a special treat for you. In honour of the fact that today is, indeed, Friday I thought I'd do a bit of a deep analysis of the video, just in case you're not one of the 14 million views on the video's YouTube page (you've got to feel bad for Nadine Coyle at times like this, haven't you? No? Whatever...)

Ooooooh ooooh ooooh yeah yeah

So it all kicks off with us going through Rebecca Black's calendar, where we get to see the various things she's got planned for the week. A bit invasive, if you ask me, but thankfully there's nothing too embarrassing written in there. Turning the page and seeing "period due today" just wouldn't be a good start to the video, would it?

7am wake up in the morning

This is our first introduction to Rebecca in the video. She sits up and this is what greets us. I'll be honest the first time I saw this I thought "Christ she looks like she's had a good shag", but I've since found out that she's only 13 and therefore this would be ILLEGAL.

Gotta get down to the bus stop

Next time we see Rebecca she's waiting for the bus. Thankfully she's ran a brush through that hair, which was obviously not brought about by a good shag because SHE IS A MINOR.

I see my friends

At this point in the video, Rebecca Black's friends pull up in a car, though it is appallingly obvious to me based on the face she is pulling that she is actually thinking "I fucking hate these twats". She probably wasn't even planning to go to school in the first place, her hair all done nice, she was probably going to skive so she could meet up with the 30-year-old she met on Facebook. OBVIOUSLY IT'S A GOOD JOB HER SHITTY FRIENDS SHOWED UP REALLY, THEN, ISN'T IT?

Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat

A lot of people take the piss out of this part of the video, because Rebecca can't decide whether to sit in the front or the back, but have you seen the freaks she has to choose between? I imagine it's like choosing whether to sit next to Rose West or Hitler on the bus. No wonder she was gutted when they showed up, she probably wants nought to do with losers like them. Look at the way him in the back is beckoning her to the car, he's definitely after some of the goods. If it were my decision I'd choose the front, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.

Gotta get down on Friday

As you can see, she eventually chooses the back seat, but as it turns out that was probably the right decision because this daft bitch here starts dangling her arm out the window and making a sort of "wave" effect, and I wouldn't anyone to think I was friends with someone who would do that sort of thing. What a dick.

Partying partying

As if that wasn't bad enough, her mate in the back starts SPANKING THE CAR, presumably as a means of enticing Rebecca.


BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL FOR FUCKS SAKE. He wants to be more careful, that lass next to him is dangling her arm out the side of the car, the last thing he needs is to crash into another vehicle, she'd end up with a mere stump. THAT WOULD RUIN REBECCA'S FRIDAY, although presumably by 7.45 she'd be out and over it.

7.45 we're driving on the highway, cruisin' so fast

She wants to put her seatbelt on if you ask me, or she'll end up going the same way as Lady Di. I'll tell you what though, she's got new friends in this verse and doesn't she look much happier? I bet she literally just ditched them losers as soon as she got to school and went for a smoke in the toilets with these lasses. Cleverly, Rebecca is prettier than all of her friends, which means she is certain to be the one who gets laid first. NOT FOR A GOOD FEW YEARS THOUGH BECAUSE SHE IS A CHILD.

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend weekend

She's got where she needs to be, she's wearing her shortest skirt and she's eyeing up the talent. Good for you, Rebecca, you're a Geordie lass at heart.

Partying partying


We we we so excited

Maybe if she'd spent a bit more time in the classroom and a bit less time shagging anything that moved (joking SHE'S A CHILD REMEMBER???) she'd have learned the conjugation of the verb "to be" now. Idiot.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards

Oh good, so they are teaching something in these schools. I think the real charm of Friday is that the reason Rebecca Black likes Friday so much is because it's almost Saturday-- can you imagine what she's actually like when Saturday comes around. HIDE THE PRO PLUS IN THE BLACK HOUSEHOLD, THAT'S ALL I'LL SAY.

RB Rebecca Black

They should have got Nicki Minaj.

It's Friday

Rebecca has had too much blue WKD, that lad she met earlier has fingered her and gone home and her friends are nowhere to be seen, so she's now up on the table doing a performance for everyone. They are egging her on, but you just know come Monday she'll be talk of the whole school :(


She's at that stage of drunkenness now where she thinks she is a brilliant singer. Kate once sang Listen in the smoking bit of Liquid when we were about 17 and it was one of the best moments of my life.

Partying partying YEAH!

Some people say the "fun fun fun" line sounds insincere but if that is not an expression of pure joy then I don't know what is (not that I would know what pure joy is, of course, my life being a cesspit of absolute MISERY).

And so, Happy Friday one and all. I hope you have lots of fun. Fun. Fun.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

So this essay I'm writing isn't your typical "eeeeh this essay is dead hard", because I literally don't know a damn thing about it. This is because I am a dickhead who thinks he is pure mint, and rather than taking informative notes during lectures I instead do things like draw sketches of Nicki Minaj and write my name in bubble letters. And here I am, one week until my essay on French immigration is due and I literally haven't the foggiest about where to even start about it, because I don't know a damn thing about the topic in the first place.

It literally is not that I feel the topic is particularly difficult, it's just that I don't know anything. It's like if someone said to you "write an essay about the early work of Christina Aguilera", you wouldn't know what to do, but that wouldn't be because the subject matter was very difficult. However, finding out about the early work of Christina Aguilera would be much more enjoyable than finding out about French immigration, largely because you'd get to listen to Come On Over (All I Want Is You) which is an absolute treat of a song.

Rather than letting my essay get on top of me and squish me into a panic attack, I'm instead going to lift my head and pretend it doesn't exist, and write a blog instead. So sit back, put off that essay you yourself should be writing and let me transport you to a world of glitter and trash in the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Poor Madonna has a bit of a trauma.

It was a close shave for Madonna this week (and I'm not just talking about her frightening lady-parts) as her security team had to battle with a crazed stalker who managed to get his way into her house. There was a bit of a scuffle, but don't worry- they weren't that rough with me and I'm fine.

Nar seriously though, over the weekend this guy managed to overcome Madonna's security staff, sneak past the state-of-the-art CCTV and break into her London mansion where he was found "clutching her possessions". Thankfully Madonna and family were out of the country at the time, dealing with the death of Madonna's grandmother (did anyone realise Madonna had a grandmother? Unsurprisingly the woman was 99 years old, may she rest in peace).

Can you imagine how pissed off Madonna is going to be when she finds out her security team have let her down? If I can think of one woman who could genuinely make me wet my pants if she started shouting at me it is Madonna. I imagine when she gets back to the UK there will be a re-enacment of this scene when she sits her security staff down:

Yes I know I've made this exact joke before, but it is still quite funny really, isn't it? Isn't it? No? Alright then.

2. Alex Reid treads dangerously on his sixteenth minute of fame.

I don't really like slagging Alex Reid off, he's too much of an easy target, and I must admit I think he came across like a really nice guy on Celebrity Big Brother. Fair enough he didn't quite portray himself as "Brain of Britain", and he has big dreams for someone with such little talent, but there's something about Alex Reid I just really like. Also, he is probably near the top of my "Embarrassing Crushes" list (right beneath Jedward, a spot I wouldn't mind being in myself).

Thing is, though, you have to know when you're done, and it seems Alex Reid does not know that Katie Price has disposed of him and that it is time for him to bow out and go back to his normal life. What was all that about, man? Was she using him? Was he using her? Was anyone really using anyone, or were these just two people who liked each other and made some silly, lust-induced decisions? I suppose we'll never know the truth (largely because Katie Price and the truth are like ships in the night whose paths will never cross again).

So anyway, yeah, if reports are to be believed Alex Reid will be starring in his own reality show where he tries to find a new girlfriend. Apparently the criteria for his new lass is that "she must be nothing like Katie" (I might apply myself, actually). Couldn't he just go on Take Me Out and save us all the trouble of watching two separate terrible shows? Dear me.

3. Rebecca Black comes from nowhere, and owns the Internet.

If you have a Twitter account, and eyes, you may have noticed that for the last hundred years Rebecca Black has been trending, and perhaps you are a bit slow on the uptake you may not have seen the video for her "fun, fun, fun" song Friday which is currently setting the Internet aflame. If you still haven't seen the video for yourself, here it is:

Needless to say, there's a lot of confusion out there about whether or not this song is meant to be enjoyed ironically, if Rebecca Black genuinely loves Friday or not and exactly who is behind this phenomenon/travesty/triumph (delete as applicable). The main question, though (apart from whether to sit in the front or back seat), is: "Who the fuck is Rebecca Black?"

From what I can gather, the story goes like this. It seems that 13-year-old Rebecca Black went along to this "record producers" where you get to live the day as a popstar, record your own song and even shoot a video for it which then goes on YouTube. Paid for by your parents (hmmm...) Every kid's dream, surely? So along Rebecca went and was presented with this song Friday, which is- let's not mince our words here- an absolute pile of shite. My favourite part is when she sings "fun, fun, fun" but somehow manages to portray a look in her eyes of "please rescue me from this, all I wanted was to study to be a marine biologist I LOVE WHALES OK?" Let's not forget, though, the fantastic line where we're informed that "yesterday was Thursday... tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards".

On a side note, there are loads of FUCKING HILARIOUS people on Twitter going "what day is it tomorrow, perhaps I should ask Rebecca Black hahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAREN'TIAFUCKINGLAUGHRIOT", and these people are clearly idiots because the only days mentioned in the song are Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Today is Tuesday, Christ knows how Rebecca Black feels on a Tuesday, she's probably sitting at home cutting herself because Friday is so far away.

Somehow this video has managed to go viral and has now clocked up more than 6 million views on YouTube (to put this in perspective, the video for Insatiable by Nadine Coyle is yet to reach 1 million views on her YouTube page). Rebecca Clark is currently one of the most talked about people in the world, and it seems like she's keeping schtum about the whole thing, while the entire Internet takes the piss out of her for something that probably seemed like a good laugh at the time, not to be taken seriously. Now the song is on iTunes, and I've a feeling this one could run and run...

That's your lot.