Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Fittie Of The Week: Aiden Grimshaw.

During his time on last year's X Factor, Aiden Grimshaw continuously pissed me off with his annoying facial expressions he put on when he sang (ironic, given that I am a Cher Lloyd fan). Here is one of such expressions:


What an annoying facial expression. However, shortly after Aiden was kicked off The X Factor, I had a dream about him which cast him in a whole new light. In the interest of not venturing into "fan fiction" territory I won't go into great detail. Anyway, he's on the cover of this month's Gay Times and he's basically looking really, really fit. So fit, indeed, that he is this week's Fittie Of The Week. If you are interested in seeing quite how fit he is, here is a picture of the cover shot:


I know he's got his clothes on and that, but I'd still rather have a boy with a body like Aiden's than some rock-hard Ken doll character, wouldn't you?

For those who follow me on Twitter you'll already know this, but my parents have gone to Tenerife, and my imbecile father accidentally took my MacBook charger abroad with him thinking it would charge his iPod, meaning I've been reduced to using his shitty laptop, and we all know how much I writing blogs on Windows, which is why I have not been very active blog-wise for the past few days. They're back on Sunday, when normal services will resume.

Finally, it wouldn't be fair to mention "X Factor" and "facial expressions" in the same blog without posting this:


Amazing.

Friday, 18 February 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Hello loves, it's Friday morning and I hope we are all well. We're on the cusp of another weekend, the sun is shining (it's not but let's pretend, eh?) and I am spending the day writing something for an actual outside website (they asked me to write it ages ago, but I am lazy, so I am). Speaking of outside websites, today it is Friday which means the latest Spark magazine is online and I have written another celebrity roundup for them, covering the various award ceremonies that have gone on this week, it's actually quite good if you like that sort of thing (which I presume you do as you are reading my blog right now).

ONE MORE THING. It's a special day on Sunday at Pride Radio, we're all off to the lovely Lee's house for a Come Mince With Me special, where Carla and myself have been billed as "the dessert". What can I say except I'm sweet and Carla's full of cream? I will probably use that joke on-air, if truth be told, unless I can think of anything funnier between now and then. Anyway we'll be on this Sunday, as we are every Sunday, 2pm-4pm but I'm sure it'll be a great sure so make sure you're listening online.

It's not all about me, though, as a whole load of shite has gone down since the last time I write a celebrity roundup, and now through the medium of the written word I will tell you about some of that aforementioned shite in yet another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

1. Ellie Goulding has a few sherries and decides to hit the social networking sites.


I'm in two minds about Ellie Goulding to tell you the truth. I saw her live a few months ago and she was surprisingly captivating, and I really like quite a few of her songs. But on the other side of the coin, I just find her so uninteresting that it almost hurts.

She was up for Best British Female at The Brit Awards this week, and after presenting the Critics' Choice Award to Jessie J she returned to her seat to find out if she had won. As it turns out, she hadn't. Laura Marling shocked everyone by winning the award, although I quite enjoy her music so it could have been a lot worse. I tell you what though, isn't she pale? She's practically translucent.

It's fair to say Ellie didn't take the news very well and later went on Twitter basically made a bit of a dick of herself. She tweeted:

"I feel like I've let you all down I'm so sorry :-("

Are you drunk, Miss Goulding? Have you had a naughty drink at The Brits and now you're pissed and upset?

"I just want to hug you all seriously im so sorry i love you all x"

I THINK THAT NAUGHTY ELLIE GOULDING HAS HAD A DRINK, DON'T YOU?

The tweets have since been removed from her profile suggesting that someone "grown-up" confiscated the drunken bint's phone and said "this will literally do you no good when you wake up in the morning". Amazing. Drunk tweeting from celebrities-- more of it, please!

2. Lil Kim continues to be a hater.


When was the last time anyone gave a shit about anything Lil Kim did? Think really hard. Was it Lady Marmalade? Was it Can't Hold Us Down (during both of which she played second-fiddle to that dreadful Christina Aguilera woman)? Was it... do you know I couldn't name a single other of her songs.

Yet when Nicki Minaj burst onto the scene, all guns blazing, Lil Kim was suddenly acting as if she had some sort of territory to protect. Now I'm not someone who knows a lot about rap music, but I know it's not cool to start slagging off your peers just because you're threatened by them. And that's what Lil Kim did, tearing into Nicki at every opportunity.

Nicki has never explicitly mentioned Kim in a derogatory manner, but it's rumoured that Nicki's part in Roman's Revenge is directed towards Lil Kim (and, celebrity dispute facts, Eminem's is allegedly directed towards Mariah Carey), but Nicki has kept a more-or-less dignified silence about the whole thing.

Lil Kim has sunk to a new low, though, as she recently unveiled the cover for her latest release, Black Friday. Perhaps we should first look at the cover for Nicki's album Pink Friday...

And here's the cover for Black Friday...

Wow. Subtle.

To put this in perspective, can you imagine if when Just Dance came out, instead of arse-kissing Madonna decided put out a new album where on the cover she was brandishing the severed head of Lady GaGa? Madness.

3. After a hundred years of waiting, Britney Spears has a new video.


After what has literally felt like the slowest single campaign since The Wanted promoted All Time Low drip by drip, Britney Spears has finally released the video for her latest single Hold It Against Me. It is quite good, but is not going to change the world. Parts of it are utterly predictable, and parts of it were quite surprising. Let's examine these parts.

PARTS THAT ARE PREDICTABLE.
1. Unflattering clothing to create the illusion Britney is still 17.

In this case it seems to be a garment too big to be considered knickers and too small to be considered hotpants, paired with a belt made out of bullets. She looks good but that outfit is just unnecessary.

2. Britney is trying to get the gays to pay attention to her.

Exhibit B - a man in tiny underwear bending over with his arse in the air LIKE HE'S READY TO BE ENTERED.

3. Tedious and unnecessary product placement.

The sight of Britney on that godforsaken dating site will stay with me until the day I die. What would have been a much better idea would be if AT THE START of the video Britney had gone on Plenty Of Fish, seen a guy's profile but been too shy to speak to him. Later, she co-incidentally runs into him at a series of different locations. Then, during the final chorus, she approaches him and says "If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?" and of course he would, so off they'd go to the toilets to have sex until the attendant realised something was going on and started banging on the door.

4. Britney punching above her weight in terms of dancing.


The dancing is what has let me down the most, but only because in the last chorus it simply isn't "big" enough. If you're going to choreograph your final chorus, you can't have had better choreography in the first verse, which is what we get in this. Also, Britney's dress is too tight so she can't bend over properly to whip her hair.

PARTS WHICH ARE SURPRISING (otherwise known as the amazing parts of the video)
1. Britney's jugs are looking fantastic.

Don't know if Britney's had a boob job or what but look at dem titties! Fantastic.

2. Surprise appearance of the Lucky video.

*key change* SHEEEEE IS SO LU-UUUCKY BUT WWHHHHHHYYYYY DOES SHE CRRRYYYYYYY? If they ever make a Britney jukebox musical that song will be a bit of dramatic irony.

3. Britney looks genuinely beautfiul

Not "sexy" or "OK considering" or "good for a mother-of-two", just genuinely really, really beautiful. A welcome sight. I usually slag "pretty Britney" off because to me its synonymous with "boring Britney", but credit where it's due, she looks brilliant.

4. Brief cameo from Kylie Minogue.

Lovely.

5. Britney kicking seven bells out of herself.


In what is clearly the best part of the video, Britney has a massive fight with herself. Symbolic, maybe? It's not quite what I had in mind for the dubstep breakdown, but I suppose that was the point.

6. Shoes

Good shoes, eh?

7. Desecrating her old videos by spunking up paint all over them.

She shows she's moved on from her "old" persona by shooting paint all over her old videos. I've done something very similar to pictures of her ex, Justin Timberlake.

AND FINALLY...

8. Britney is looking like a dancer again.

Back in the day Britney was a dancer who sang a bit, and it's good to see her taking the dancing seriously again.

I LOVE YOU BRITNEY

Reet I'm done.
Don't forget to listen to Pride on Sunday from 2pm!
Yee-haw!

Thursday, 17 February 2011

The right track?

HIYA DANIEL WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LADY GAGA’S NEW SONG?

Right let’s have a discussion about Born This Way, the new song from the biggest popstar in the world right now whose name is Lady GaGa. You might have heard of her, she’s quite underground but once she has her breakthrough hit I predict big things in her future. I’m talking ITV2 big here.

Seriously though, Born This Way has not quite had the glittering reaction Lady GaGa was presumably hoping for, has it? Sure, the Little Monsters on Twitter are shitting their pants over it, “putting their paws up” and declaring it to be the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, begotten not made, who is seated at the right hand of the Father. But is it actually any good?

Well yes actually, it is, if you like the idea of someone going “I am the biggest gay icon in the world, but I have not quite achieved the biggest gay anthem of all time yet” and then setting out to make a song so gay-oriented that I imagine the first time Ross Kemp heard it he re-decorated his living room, prepared some madeleines before going out and bumming Louie Spence. Luckily, I do indeed like that idea, and I am very pleased with it. It is not quite Dance In The Dark but it is certainly better than I Like It Rough.

The main criticism people seem to have with the song is that it sounds a lot like early 90s Madonna, particularly Express Yourself. Now, if you are one of the “Little Monsters” on Twitter saying “IT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE OLDDONNA, MOTHER MONSTER [blech] IS COMPLETELY ORIGINAL” then you need to have a good look at yourself. If you can’t hear the similarities between Express Yourself and Born This Way then you’re a fucking idiot and you shouldn’t be allowed to listen to music.

Thing is, though, I bloody love Express Yourself, long-term readers of my blog will know that I listed it as my favourite Madonna song back when she turned 52 so you’d think a song that was basically Express Yourself 2.0 would piss me off. But it doesn’t. The way I see it, I enjoy listening to Express Yourself so why wouldn’t I enjoy a song that sounds a lot like it but also like a Lady GaGa song?

To me, saying it’s too much like Madonna is a bit like saying METAPHOR ABOUT TO BE NICKED OFF POPJUSTICE ALERT ALERT ALERT “Well this cake is a bit too tasty for my liking, it’s a lot like that tasty cake I had last week” or something or whatever.

The other criticism people seem to have is the lyrical content. I admit if you take the lyrics away from the song and read them to yourself they do lack a certain poetry. They are basically a list of clunky affirmations seemingly designed to make pimply girls feel good about themselves.

Saying that, it is not a poem. It is a song. So when you put the aforementioned not-really-the-best lyrics-in-the-world words to music, it becomes something else entirely. It doesn’t sound like a let’s-hold-hands-and-be-happy song, it sounds empowering and like you want to go out and be the biggest freak you can, because you were “born this way”. Or is that just me?

One other important point to keep in your head is that GaGa wrote this song in response to all those horrible suicides in America carried out by gay teenagers who were being bullied. If you, yourself, were bullied then try and cast your mind back. Was there a book or a song or a film you took solace in to make everything seem better? I will now share with you a song I listened to all the time back in those painful angst-filled days when I had no friends:



Looking back, this song is not exactly subtle in its message, is it? But at the time I didn’t listen to it and think: “now Amy Studt, I like the message you’re trying to put across but you could have done it in a more understated way, instead of explicitly telling me that it is ‘OK’ to be a ‘misfit’, couldn’t you?” What I thought was: “Wow, Amy Studt was a misfit and now she is dead good, that’s comforting”.

Young teenagers listening to the latest song from their misfit idol aren’t going to go “Goodness me, Lady GaGa has out-and-out told me that it doesn’t matter if I am gay or straight or bi or transgendered, I think I’d have preferred she shrouded this song in imagery and let me decipher the message for myself”. They’re going to go: “That woman is dead popular and she says it’s OK to be the way I am, I feel a bit better about myself now”.

I’m not saying someone is going to switch on the radio, ready to kick the chair out from underneath themselves, only to hear Born This Way and go “FORGET IT, I LOVE MY LIFE”, but if it’s going to make some people feel about themselves then it really isn’t that bad, is it?

My point is, critics, this song is not for you. And it isn’t for me. It’s for people who are unhappy with the way God made them for whatever reason, it’s for people who are despairing or hurting for things beyond their control. So cut the song some slack. Either you can be cynical and rip it to shreds, or you can accept that it's going to help people and move on from it.

Besides, I don't believe any of you would hear this come on in a club and go "Hmmm, I think I'll sit this one out, it sounds a bit too much like Express Yourself and as for those lyrics..."

I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to be brave.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Hiya it's me. I haven't written a proper blog like I'm about to in absolutely decades. Facebook campaigns have been started, people have stopped me in the street and last night the army arrived just to demand of me: "when is the next Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup coming?" THE ANSWER IS RIGHT NOW.

1. Awards have been won and things have been worn.


It can't have escaped your attention that awards have been going on all over the shop the last few days. First it was the BAFTAs (which, admittedly, you may have fallen asleep during due to the uninteresting Kimberley Walsh presenting the red carpet coverage) and then- where the action was really going on- the Grammy awards.

It's fair to say that Lady GaGa pretty much stole the show at the ceremony, where she performed her latest hit single Born This Way (which I heard in an out-on-the-town context for the first time last night only for the drag queen at Eazy Street to talk all the way through it and make predictable and unnecessary "born this gay" jokes which were laughed at by exactly 0 people).

It was more her entrance than her performance which got attention, though, as she was carried into the auditorium inside of a giant egg. Girl knows how to make an entrance, doesn't she? Can you imagine how gutted you'd be if you had done yourself all pretty, prepping yourself and going "wow, you look amazing, you will turn heads" and then when you get there you have to follow Lady GaGa in her giant egg up the red carpet? I'd be devastated. Of course, I'd want to do one better and probably have a massive poo right there on the red carpet just to make sure I made it into the papers. That's just me, though.

GaGa's actual performance was largely uninteresting, to be honest. Well apart from the fact that she hatched out of a giant egg at the start of it, only to then wear a hat resembling a yolk. Watch it for yourself here, including an introduction from (who else?) Ricky Martin:



Thing is, if that performance had been Britney Spears or even Madonna then it would be heralded as a massive success, but GaGa has set the bar so high for herself that, unfortunately, it seems we'll always remember the Grammys 2011 as the night she arrived in a giant egg rather than the night she gave a brilliant performance (she also won three awards, which should probably be commented on also).

It wasn't just GaGa turning heads on the red carpet, though, as Her Minajesty Nicki Minaj also arrived at the ceremony in what was literally a head-to-toe leopard print number, including a leopard print wig. It has to be seen to be believed:

Bitch is ferrrrocious.

It was also a big night for Emma Watson at the Elle Style Awards, where she was presented with the Style Icon award by powerhouse designer Vivienne Westwood who admitted she didn't know who the young actress was. I'm not surprised, if it were up to me Emma Watson wouldn't be winning any awards for her unimaginative and unadventurous choices of clothes while people like my beloved Nickinick and Paloma Faith are remembered solely for their fashion mistakes simply because they choose to be a bit daring.

2. Katy Perry has a surprise guest in her new video.


It's safe to say that four singles into the Teenage Dream album campaign, Katy Perry can say that things are going pretty well. She released four singles in 2010 (don't forget that Timbaland one, it is good), collaborating with greats like Snoop Dogg and Nicki Minaj (I'd like to say that will be the last time I will mention Nicki Minaj but, honestly, I'm promising nothing) and she even found the time to get married to Russell Brand off the telly.

Katy's not done shocking us just yet as she films the video for her latest single, ET. It's already been revealed that the UK release of the track will feature a rap from Tinie Tempah (a rap which, bizarrely, mentions David Walliams. but wrongly calls him David Williams which would not have happened had she chosen to have a certain female rapper on the track...), but a photo released by Katy's record label shows that there will be a surprise guest in the video. Can you guess who it is?

Nope.

Nope.

I'll tell you what, I'll just show you.

That's right, the US release of ET will feature a guest rap from none other than Kanye West. It's exciting stuff and just proves how much of a star Katy has become, as in the past Kanye has collaborated with greats like Lady GaGa, Rihanna and even Madonna.

Oh and Nicki Minaj as well. Just in case you felt she hadn't been name-dropped enough already.

3. Brace yourselves. They're back.


When I was 8 years old there was only one woman for me and that was Lisa Scott-Lee. I admired her class, her excellent dress sense and her obvious beauty. Even though photos like this one of bandmate Lee Latchford-Evans were making me funny in the trousers for reasons I didn't understand, I still vowed that one day I would marry Lisa and Steps would reign at the top of the charts for the rest of both of our lives.

Unfortunately that dream did not come to life, and eventually Steps broke my heart and split up. I blame this rejection of Lisa, and eventual abandonment by Steps, for my homosexuality in later life-- perhaps if Lisa had simply returned my love then things could have been so different. However, my dreams of Steps's perpetual reign at the top of the charts could come true after all as today when in a lecture I literally got this text from my mother:



That's right, folks. If reports are to be believed then, hot on the heels of the Blue/Eurovision re-union, Steps could well be reforming for a one-off charity concert, as well as a three-part reality TV show on Living detailing their journey back into the public eye.

As a former superfan of the band, I'm in two minds about the re-union. While undoubtedly it would be amazing to see my beloved Steps members back together, so much has changed since their split ten years ago and now, frankly, they're all massive losers. Claire Richards is running around eating ten pies one minute and shoving out a fitness video the next, H is making people call him Ian while he sits around the Big Brother house with Shilpa Shetty letting his foot-long nipples droop wearily in the Diary Room, and who could forget Totally Scott-Lee, Lisa's documentary featuring the best scene in TV history where Lisa finds out her latest single has missed out on the top 40 and announces "well...that's shit, innit?"

Basically, I have a few conditions.

SILLY OLD DANIEL'S CONDITIONS FOR THE STEPS RE-UNION TO HAPPEN
1. They must not do any new material unless it is "quite good" (don't want another Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) do we?)
2. Faye Tozer must get her dreadlocks back.
3. H must get over himself and revert back to his H persona.
4. That version of Lay All Your Love Me must be performed. Thank Abba For The Music must absolutely not.
5. Lisa Scott-Lee must not strut around like "her name was that bitch" and that all these "haters" are "mad" because she "is so established".

That is all.

Hurrah, I did a blog!
Yee-haw!

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Hiya folks. How long's it been since I've written a celebrity roundup? I'll tell you. It's been fucking ages. You heard right, ages. I'm a bit buzzed off wine and schnapps and that, and earlier me and Kate went to bingo and I won fifty fucking pounds. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I am basically mint. I recently wrote a thing for Spark magazine online and it was good, and I doubt you've read it, so I am going to copy and paste it over here but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REMEMBER THAT I WROTE IT FOR SPARK MAGAZINE FIRST SO IT WAS AWFULLY OUT OF DATE. Right, now that that's sorted, let's have a look at the past week of celebrity tweets in a special Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

Twitter has been heralded as a fantastic way for celebrities to communicate with their fans, and for the fans to get an insight into the daily lifestyle of their favourite stars. However, it’s not always positive feedback that celebrities get from the people who follow them on the social networking site as X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd discovered this week. During a showing of My Big Fat Gypsy Weddings (did you watch it? How amazing was it, seriously!) on Tuesday night, the upcoming singer received several insulting messages over the website about her traveller roots, remarks the singer clearly wasn’t willing to take lying down as she posted on her own page:


Meanwhile her fellow X Factor alumni Katie Waissel has called for her fans to boycott a fake Twitter account posing as herself. During Katie’s time on the ITV talent show, the Twitter user started a spoof account under the name “Katie Weasel” sending up Katie’s ruthless attitude and the other contestants in the competition. However, Katie has only just found out about it (it’s one of the most followed accounts in the UK, has she been living under a rock???) and has called for the fake account to be shut down, tweeting:


(LANGUAGE, KATIE! WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN ETC.) The fake account Katie Weasel had this to say:


Ouch. Meanwhile, in an interview with Star magazine (a sure sign her career is going from strength to strength), Katie insisted the bad press that surrounded her time on The X Factor was unjustified and she was edited in a negative light. “The public hated me because they were told to,” she claimed. Of course, it couldn’t have anything to do with her odious personality, could it?

Speaking of odious personalities, did anyone catch Dancing On Ice on Sunday? It was all kicking off between Jason Gardiner and skating coach Karen Barber. I don’t normally watch it, due to it being the most tedious thing on television, but I must admit there’s something about Denise Welch in spandex that has me gripped, and this week something interesting actually happened!

When skating coach (and ex-Olympic skater) Karen Barber challenged a particularly harsh comment made by Jason Gardiner (the idiot in the hat, for those with only a passing interest in the show), he bit back at her, “If your opinion mattered, you’d still be on the panel” which did not go down very well at all and over 3000 complaints were made to ITV about his comments, this prompted him to post a message to his supporters on his own Twitter page:


Lady GaGa had some news about her brand new single Born This Way which caused a massive buzz amongst her fans…

…while Britney Spears also had some news for her fans…

…but the news their idol was working with will.i.am unfortunately went down like a cup of cold sick amongst Britney fans…


Not quite the reaction Princess BritBrit was hoping for, I presume. It wasn’t just Britney who was keeping her fans in the know, though, as popstar Katy Perry revealed on her own page that thanks to her grueling regime in preparation for her California Dreams tour, she was cutting caffeine out of her diet:


Thankfully it seems coffee giant Starbucks won’t miss the popstar’s custom:


And so, to sum up, anyone who says you can’t put together a news story entirely from tweets is telling you a PACK OF LIES.

Let’s sum up this past week of celebrity tweets with an important message from Diana Vickers:


Indeed.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Fittie Of The Week: JLS

Right, I am writing this and it is 1st February. I am going to post it on 9th February, which is probably when you are reading it. I hope by the time this comes out I have had my hair cut (I am beginning to look like a tramp) and found a date for Valentines Day. This morning I saw this lovely picture of JLS and Alexandra Burke and thought it would be perfect for Fittie Of The Week, but unfortunately I'd not yet posted the photo of Justin Bieber that was Fittie Of The Week. So this photo is now somewhat out of date, but let's be honest, when it comes to lads with their kit off, who really cares how old the photo is?


Basically, there is something for everyone in this picture. Unless you are a paedophile. Or a racist.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

This is my 150th blog ever. It's official, I have as many blogs as Madonna has had birthdays. Sorry that was a cheap shot, but then she is a cheap lady. WOAH HO HO. So anyway, I'm on a bit of a blogging roll recently but if truth be told I'm just happy to have my laptop back in my life, and I have nothing to do so blogging fills in the boredom void quite nicely. Let's find out what's been going on in the world of celebrities in what has come to be known as the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. REST IN PEACE, MARGARET JOHN.


Fans of Gavin & Stacey were saddened today when it was revealed that one of its stars Margaret John had passed away at the age of 83.

The actress played promiscuous pensioner Doris who, basically, was the best part of the series; responsible for such amazing quotes as "I've been drinking since 10 o'clock this morning and to tell you the truth, I'm absolutely twatted" and "A kiss, a cuddle, a cheeky finger". However, this will forever be remembered as her finest hour:



Series creator James Corden posted this message on his Twitter page to pay tribute to the star:


A sad day.

2. More details on why Perez Hilton stopped being a dickhead.


You might remember back in the day gossip blogger Perez Hilton was a royal bitch to everyone on his website (couldn't be like him), but there was special venom saved up for celebrities like Fergie, Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Aniston, who he used to nickname "Maniston" and make fun of because nobody wanted her due to the fact she was a massive dullard.

During an interview with Ellen DeGeneres earlier this week, though, the comedian brought up the subject of how since the wave of teen suicides across America, Perez had toned down the venom on his website and publicly apologised to celebrities like Aniston in a snivelling vlog he posted late last year.

Aniston then revealed that she once had a chance encounter with the gossip blogger where she basically called him on all the abuse he was giving her and basically told him to turn it all around. Ellen then attributed Aniston with changing the way Perez talks about celebrities to which she humbly replied: "Good for him, and keep it up".

I must admit, I am starting to really like Jennifer Aniston, especially since I watched this video:



Excellent stuff.

3. BRITNEY SPEARS HAS A NEW ALBUM COVER AND THE ALBUM IN QUESTION HAS A NAME WHICH IS OK AT BEST.


All was quiet on Twitter earlier, when suddenly Britney Spears posted this mysterious message three times:


It sounded to me like a worrying mantra people might be barking at her during the difficult filming of her upcoming music video for Hold It Against Me (is it really upcoming, as it seems stars like Nicki Minaj and Rihanna are shooting videos out like nobody's business, Britney's video seems to be losing interest), which prompted me to speculate:


Thankfully (kind of) it wasn't a breakdown, as two more cryptic messages followed:


And then she posted this and it all became clear:


THINGS THAT CAN BE DERIVED FORM THE ABOVE IMAGE:
1. The new Britney album is going to be called Femme Fatale.
2. It will be her seventh album, which can be noted by the not-so-subtle clue in the middle of the photo.
3. Britney Spears has lovely brown eyes that she is not above looking at you through the lashes of.
4. Britney Spears is basically amazing.

It's coming in March. COME ON THEN BRITNEY, WE ARE MORE THAN READY FOR THE HOLD IT AGAINST ME VIDEO. DO NOT LESS US DOWN.

Literally, I'm done.
Yee-haw!