Friday, 31 December 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

This is it, friends. 2010 has almost drawn to a close, and a blank canvas lies ahead. And what a year it's been. We've seen the last ever Big Brother, Joe McElderry came out as gay and Matt Cardle took over his place as X Factor champion. Cheryl Cole showed Ashley the door, Will and Kate got engaged, and Russell and Katy tied the knot in India. Lady GaGa went out with a phone on her head, then a dress made of meat. Lindsay Lohan went to prison, so did George Michael. Whitney's comeback tour didn't go to plan, neither did albums from Christina Aguilera and Nadine Coyle. And, of course, Kelly Osbourne called Dannii Minogue "the devil".

And so, before 2010 fades into our memories, let's have one last Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup and see what lies ahead in 2011 for my beloved celebrities...

1. Chris Brown is still a stupid dickhead. (Holy Moly)


It's good to know that Chris Brown entered 2010 hated by the general public, and that's exactly how he'll be leaving it as another year dawns. Last night he caused quite the stir by having a war of words over Twitter with a rival R&B star.

It wasn't just hair-pulling and arm-prodding, though, as Chris Brown decided to go down the ever-popular homophobic route. You see, the only way to really show up your opponent in a slanging match these days is to make people think that he takes it up the chuff in a homosexual way.

"Dick in da booty ass lil boy", said Chris to his rival over Twitter before declaring that "he's not homophobic" and insisting he would not be deleting his unnecessary tweets.

He has since deleted them. Probably because he realises it can't even come close to 2010's greatest tweet:

Amazing.

2. There is going to be new Britney Spears music very soon. (Digital Spy)

Stop what you're doing, everyone...Britney Spears is back and she is ready to re-claim her throne in pride of place at the top of the pop charts after a year-long absence.

Her newest single Hold It Against Me is set to hit the Interweb in just seven short days time. Not long to go until the lead single from Britney's upcoming seventh studio album, following on from Circus what I got for Christmas from my very first boyfriend.

Here is what I suggest you do over the next seven days to prepare yourself for Britney's new material. Think of this as your second advent now that Christmas is all over:

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR BRITNEY SPEARS:
DAY 1. Slip on your old school uniform and do a little turn.
DAY 2. Wrap a cobra around your neck, writhe around in a saucy manner and generally piss off the people down at PETA.
DAY 3. Get off with Madonna. If she is not at hand, any other pensioner available will do.
DAY 4. Gain a bit of weight and start to go off the rails slightly. By this time we are four days into the New Year and will probably have abandoned the diet you started as part of your New Years Resolutions and smoked every cigarette in the house anyway, promising next year you won't even bother with New Years Resolutions.
DAY 5. Go shopping with a relative's infant child and very nearly almost drop them. If you have your own infant this will work better. If you have a car, sit them comfortably on your lap so there is more room to put your bags on the seat.
DAY 6. Have a quickie wedding with your childhood sweetheart to rebel about those bastards who are trying to control your life.
DAY 7. It's officially Britney day. Listen to her new material, preferably wearing this cutout Britney mask.


If you're using scissors, make sure you ask a grownup to help you. Preferably, in true Britney style, the most irresponsible adult present. If any of you freaks actually do listen to her new song wearing the mask, please tweet me a picture. I will die.

3. Cher Lloyd ain't goin' anywhere, bitches. (Daily Mail)


And for the last ever story I will report of 2011, it's a tale of hope for the future for one of my favourite celebrities of 2010. It's been widely reported that X Factor finalist Cher Lloyd has been snatched from under the nose of will.i.am (good!) and has landed herself a place at Jay-Z's coveted Roc Nation record label.

Despite reports initially saying that finalists Rebecca Ferguson and One Direction had been signed to Simon Cowell's own label, alongside winner Matt Cardle, it's not looking like Cher's managed to land aa deal elsewhere. Personally, I think this is the best Cher-related news we could possibly have got, and she'll have a great home at Roc Nation alongside acts like Beyoncé and Rihanna, as well as new acts like Willow Smith.

I predict big things in Cher's future for 2011 and I think she's more than earned them. She's proved she's got a strong head on her shoulders (to match her strong jaw), particularly in light of the media harassment she's suffered as part of her X Factor journey. I think she could be one of the most successful X Factor alumni of all time. Of course, I could well be eating my words this time in 12 months but we'll see won't we...?

That is literally it for 2010. I hope you have enjoyed the past 12 months of celebrity roundups. Hope you have an excellent New Year. Whatever you do, don't forget...

This was literally the year when Kelly Osbourne said that Dannii Minogue is the devil.

The devil.

Amazing.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Top 20+10 Singles of 2010.

So we've sat through parts one and two along our countdown of the best 20+10 songs of 2010, and we're finally at the all important top 10. 2010 was a lovely year for popular song, with new artists like Nicki Minaj bursting onto the scene and firm favourites like Lady GaGa and Rihanna reminding us why we loved them in the first place. The question is, who has made the Top 10...?

10. Marina and the Diamonds - I Am Not A Robot
Released: 26th April
Peak Position: 26

You'd be forgiven for thinking that I only like this song because it mentions robots, but all references to robotica (is robotica a word, like erotica?) aside, this is just a very nice song. There aren't many slow songs on the countdown, but when you're after a ballad you need look no further than this little ditty about not putting too much pressure on yourself and accepting that, at the end of the day, we're all only human. A lovely sentiment.

9. Robyn - Indestructible
Released: 1st November
Peak Position: 173

So it hasn't exactly been a bad year for Robyn. She released the follow-up to her acclaimed album (also called Robyn) and her performance of Alicia Keys's Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart (2o10's best song about masturbation) was widely praised. Indestructible is just another feather in her ever-growing little Swedish hat, a gorgeous song about trying your very hardest to forget about the losers in your past and fuck someone good and royally as if you know it isn't all going to end in tears. Like all of Robyn's best songs it's singed with melancholy, and it's a song I know many people (myself included) can relate to as we go along our merry way looking for true love.

8. Katy Perry - Firework
Released: 2nd November
Peak Position: 3

Firework is alright, like, isn't it? A song about embracing your differences and rather than putting them aside and focusing on "the good points", putting them out there for everyone to see. Since it was released, I haven't once heard Katy Perry singing it in a way that could be described as even close to being good, but that is irrelevant. We will always have the lovely studio version to listen to on days we are feeling less than perfect, and it's the ideal song to get you in the mood to "own the night...like the 4th of July". Fab.

7. Scissor Sisters - Any Which Way
Released: 20th September
Peak Position: 81

"You know, baby," explains Ana Matronic in the spoken Middle 8 of Any Which Way, "When I was taking my pantyhose out of their egg this evening I thought: 'I'm gonna find that man who's the right shade of bottle town. A man who smells like cocoa butter and cash'. Take me any way you like it". That's right, it's another song about fucking.

6. Alphabeat - DJ
Released: 31st May
Peak Position: 116

This is not a song about fucking. 2010 hasn't really been Alphabeat's year, and I honestly don't know if they'll ever be back with a third album which is a really big shame because I cannot sing their praises enough. DJ is a perfect example of everything there is to love about Alphabeat; it's a sunny, non-threatening tune about dancing your troubles away to your favourite song. Fair enough, the sentiment is a bit tired and cheesy but in yet another year of recession it's a shame Alphabeat's cheery music hasn't taken off more.

5. Lady GaGa - Alejandro
Released: 28th June
Peak Position: 7

Between her outlandish outfits and terrifying music videos, it's easy to forget that underneath it all Lady GaGa makes the best pop music going. Alejandro is an amazing song which was, unfortunately, given a horrendous music video laiden with meaningless religious iconography which had nothing to do with the content of the song. More importantly, it goes on for about 10 minutes which makes an already hook-laiden song sound repetitive and tired. So if the first time you heard Alejandro was in conjunction with the music video then I feel sorry for you, because I really feel it's meant to be enjoyed without the image of gunfire and war accompanying it. While the lyrics do tell of a doomed relationship you can't quite shake yourself from, it's still got quite a chilled, laidback vibe to it and I think that the Alejandro video was the first time in her career Lady GaGa might have got it wrong (I'm not countingVideo Phone which I can only presume was a contractual obligation). We'll see what lies in store for Lady GaGa in 2011, but let's hope she doesn't forget that at the root of it all she isn't an avant-garde artiste making political statements and scaring us all, she's a silly girl with a phone on her head.

Released: 21st October
Peak Position: 1

"La la la", sings Rihanna, and the crowd gives a cheer. That is what is happening in clubs around the universe as Only Girl (In The World) is being played. With five songs in the Top 20+10, Rihanna actually makes up a sixth of my personal Top 30 of 2010, it's safe to say this has really been her year. This was the lead single off her surprise fifth album, which she recorded...I'm not even sure when she found the time between promoting her singles from Rated R and going off on a world tour (the best concert I've ever been to, as it happens). You know why Only Girl (In The World) is amazing already, and if you don't like it then it's going to take a lot more than me singing its praises on this lowly blog to change your mind. Well done Rihanna. Well. Done.

Released: 14th June
Peak Position: 8

Read this please, everything I have written so far pales in comparison to it. Dancing On My Own is about the crazy bitch that lurks within all of us and that is literally all I can add.

Released: 15th March
Peak Position: 1

What makes me laugh about Lady GaGa is that if she said "Telephone is a song about being sick to death of someone ringing you when you're trying to enjoy yourself", the world would go "what an interesting idea, I don't think anyone's done a song about that before". But that's not enough. Lady GaGa needs to say that it's a song where the telephone represents voices in your head, and the need to have a break from your inner monologue. Which, of course, is a load of shite. If you can overlook the heavy dose of pretentiousness that Lady GaGa insists on attaching to every song she has put out since Poker Face, Telephone is a stonking good song. With undoubtedly the best music video of 2010 by an absolute mile accompanying it, with some of the most memorable costumes of the 21st century featured in it, Telephone handles the issue of your significant other pestering you over the phone when you're trying to have a nice night out. Also Beyoncé does a dead good verse, which I have been known to do a rather fierce dance to. Next time we're out I'll show you.

1. The Saturdays - Higher
Released: 31st October
Peak Position: 10

Had to be, didn't it? Higher was the real comeback single The Saturdays needed (Missing You was, after all, shit) and I think it did the trick. Ahhh The Saturdays. What a lovely bunch of lasses, making unashamed pop music. No hidden meanings, no outlandish costumes, no distractions; just five young girls (well....four and Una- the Samantha of The Saturdays) and a bloody good pop tune. ARMS. IN. THE. AIR.


That's it.
Happy New Year!

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Top 20+10 Singles of 2010.

Hiya, you've already read numbers 30-21 on my Top 20+10 Singles of 2010 countdown, and now let's have some more. Rihanna's done alright for herself this year, hasn't she?

20. Rihanna - Te Amo
Released: 11th June
Peak Position: 15

Te Amo is the story of a woman coping with the fact that her mate is a lezz and she proper fancies her. She doesn't want to hurt the lass's feelings, but she feels like she's far too fond of a cock up her to indulge her lesbionic friend's crush, and is struggling to cope with the pressure of it all. To top it all off, her mate speaks no English (strangely) and keeps randomly hollering out "te amo" (I love you in Spanish, if you didn't already know, but you should really because Rihanna clearly translates for us in the last line of the chorus) making the whole thing a sexually confused bilingual nightmare, like Shakira on Viagra. Lovely.


19. Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!
Released: 2nd August
Peak Position: 38

From what I can tell, Oh No! is a song about being ruthless in your ambition, then getting what you want and realising you've become a bit of a monster in the process and going "Oh No!" when you have that epiphany. The video is very good, there is a lot of colour in it and Marina wears some lovely dresses. My favourite line is when she says "TV taught me how to feel, now real life has now appeal" because I think a lot of people can relate to it in that on TV people often feel quite simple 2D emotions whereas life is a lot less black and white. She does then, rather unnecessarily, bring the point home by repeating "it has no appeal it has no appeal it has no appeal it has no appeal it has no app----peal". If you haven't had this song already, it is probably the least known of my Top 30, then do give it a listen because it's gorgeous.

18. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
Released: 25th July
Peak Position: 2

It's pretty much non-negotiable that this song is lush. It's a proper love song, it isn't slushy it's just a nice song about someone making you feel special. No it isn't particularly adventurous musically or lyrically, but if a song can make people happy like Teenage Dream does is that really the most important thing in the word? Should we really judge every piece of music we hear on the basis of how groundbreaking it is? Surely the most important thing is how it makes us feel, and a million people will attach memories of Summer 2010 to Teenage Dream for the rest of their lives now, so well done Katy Perry. Well done for that.

17. Scissor Sisters - Fire With Fire
Released: 20th June
Peak Position: 11

AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! ARMS IN THE AIR! AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! SUCCESSFUL COMEBACK FOR SCISSOR SISTERS! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! INSPIRING! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! THAT ANA MATRONIC HAS LOST A BIT OF WEIGHT I LIKED HER BETTER CURVY! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! A very good song.

Released: 18th May
Peak Position: 9

She's done it. After a careers' worth of flitting between genres and cowering in Beyoncé's shadow, Kelly Rowland has finally found a niche for herself and has started releasing consistent dance-pop music. The video's a bit of an eyesore, but don't let that taint the song for you. Commander is particularly good because when it's on in a club you can salute. You look like a dickhead, of course, but don't let that stop you.

15. Rihanna - Rude Boy
Released: 19th February
Peak Position: 2

So people weren't taking to the new harder side to Rihanna. Songs like Russian Roulette weren't really setting the charts on fire, while copies of Rated R were gathering dust on shelves. Thankfully, Rihanna had an ace up her sleeve in the form of Rude Boy, a naughty little ditty about having sex with someone who is good at having sex, but who is not as good as you. They say sex sells and they were right. I adore this song and while it's not exactly going to help Rihanna's case should she ever consider spending the rest of her life in a convent, it certainly put the ol' pop career back on track.


Released: 17th August
Peak Position: 2

So far this is Rihanna's fourth song on the countdown (there is more to come), and I think Love The Way You Lie proves even further just how versatile she can be. 2010 saw Rihanna singing about unrequited love and shagging. Love The Way You Lie takes on a slightly more serious approach and handles the topic of domestic abuse. Love The Way You Lie is not a funny song. My favourite memory of this song comes from my cousin's wedding earlier this year, where I drank a bottle of wine to myself, drunkenly rang a boy I was seeing the next day (ironically, wine would soon make short work of that as well) and then danced to Love The Way You Lie in a drunken trio with my mother and my cousin's daughter who was gaily singing along to a song about not being able to tear yourself away from the person who makes your life Hell, because you know you give as good as you get. All a bit complex for a child to understand, really, isn't it? Good job I was wrecked. Dysfunctional.

13. Nicole Scherzinger - Poison
Released: 28th November
Peak Position: 3

Another song that wasn't exactly shit from the latter months of 2010. Nicole Scherzinger's had a nice year, especially here in the UK where her profile has absolutely soared. Poison was the perfect song to launch her solo career, and her appearance on The X Factor over the Summer was the perfect way to springboard her into our consciousnesses in the first place. Poison could not be any more RedOne if it was actually audio footage of RedOne taking a massive big poo. I don't think much of that wig Nicole wears in the video, but the X Factor performance of the song more than proved that Nicole could have a sustainable career outside of the Pussycat Dolls. Plus she properly showed Cheryl up, didn't she, what with her dance routine being far more elaborate and she actually sang live. Plus she's danced with her gaylord boyfriend in the past as well. AWK. WARD.

Released: 6th June
Peak Position: 13

At last, Ke$ha is making an appearance with one of the year's sunniest songs, Your Love Is My Drug. Carla reckons this song embodies everything good about the Summer, and I reckon she is right. It's laid-back and fun and pretty. It might well be AutoTuned to Hell, and the last 45 seconds are a bit of an embarrassment while she giggles and tells her beau she likes his beard, but if you can get the fuck over yourself then it's an enjoyable listen.

11. Alphabeat - Hole In My Heart
Released: 22nd February
Peak Position: 29

"HELLO THERE I HAVE A RECORD DEAL AND ALPHABEAT ARE A PART OF THAT. THEY HAVE AN AMAZING SINGLE COMING OUT WHICH IS CALLED HOLE IN MY HEART, AND I THINK I AM GOING TO GIVE THEM £5 TO SHOOT A VIDEO FOR THAT SINGLE, AND THAT TRULY AWFUL VIDEO IS WHAT THEIR SINGLE WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR, WHICH IS A BIT OF A BALLS UP ON MY PART REALLY. OH WELL. LA LA LA". Yeah so this song is incredible. Alphabeat are incredible. I adore them, you should adore them as well.

MORE TO COME, LOVES.

Monday, 27 December 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

So I've literally just posted the first part of my End Of Year singles countdown. Hope you're all enjoying reading that. If you're not then fuck you. If you are, fantastic news. My friend Sophie found my most recent Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup boring. To make it more interesting, here is a photo of her pissed:


This is known as "teaching someone a lesson". Celebrities have been doing stuff and here is some of that stuff:

1. Will and Grace are going skiing. (The Mirror)


So I was telling you about how Cheryl Cole had snubbed Derek Hough and gone back home to Newcastle for the holidays. Who can blame her, eh? Wonder if she was in the mad Eldon Square sale today? I can just see her in the stampede to break down the door of JJB Sports, can't you...?

Well anyway, to make it up to Derek reports are saying that the two of them are off to a private villa in the Rocky Mountains for a romantic skiing break. That is, it would be romantic if they were a couple. Which presumably they aren't, because Cheryl doesn't have the right equipment AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SKIING EQUIPMENT. I'm talking about having a dick. Because that's what Derek wants.

Can I just say, I am so hypocritical about the way I go on about Derek Hough, I go on and on about how sexuality doesn't matter and if someone says they aren't gay you just have to accept they aren't gay, and to be honest he isn't even that camp, is he? In the new year I am going to turn over a new leaf like Perez Hilton did and start being nice about celebrities. However, 2011 isn't here yet, so I presume this is what Cheryl and Derek will be like, getting ready to go away to their ski lodge:



2. Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd... (Perez Hilton)


I bet you've got an opinion on Cher Lloyd. I bet it. You know them people who go "I'm like Marmite, you either love me or you hate me" and you look at them and go "actually I couldn't give a fuck about you, mate"? Well Cher Lloyd is not one of those people, she was put on this Earth for you to form an opinion about her and discuss her.

Some geeks somewhere have done up the totals and it turns out Cher Lloyd is the most discussed new celebrity of 2010. This is hardly surprising, for the last six months I've done nothing but talk about her, and it seems that people on social networking sites, blogs, YouTube and the written press can't keep their opinions to themselves about her either. Pretty impressive, especially given that she beat the actual X Factor winner Matt Cardle to the post, but that's not exactly difficult as he's so devoid of personality it's practically impossible to form an opinion about him, isn't it?

3. Here is another news story about Cher Lloyd. (Twitter)


To prove the point I just made about Cher Lloyd being discussed constantly over 2010, will.i.am let the cat out of the bag on Twitter this week that he and the 17-year-old have already recored a collaboration together. As you can see, it's a smasher:


Wow. A smasher. Presumably it's not a cover of My Humps as Cher's starvation diet has already wasted away what could be described as "lady lumps" leaving behind the body of a ten-year-old boy and the face of a sixty-year-old man. I am kidding, of course, I adore Cher Lloyd.

Mr. I.Am then went on to tweet that the day after this year's X Factor final, the two went into the studio together in London and "made a mega smasher". I hope he is talking about a song, rather than a giant poo, that's all I can say.

And now for a North East special...

LOCAL NEWS: Could Joe McElderry be the Eldon Square tramp? (Twitter)


In a spot of local news, for those of us who come from the great North East, it wasn't just will.i.am who was spilling the beans over Twitter today, as Joe McElderry did a post revealing more than he might have intended:

Now I don't know about you folks, but there's only one thing I associate with Eldon Square. And that's the Eldon Square Tramp. You know who I mean. Broad. Bearded. Overpowering odour. And suddenly Joe reveals that he's been donning a disguise to blend in around Eldon Square... could it be that Joe McElderry is the Eldon Square tramp?

Let's consider the fact, we know little about the Eldon Square Tramp's backstory. They're both local celebrities. And have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? No you haven't. Mind you, even if Joe isn't the Eldon Square Tramp, he could well be the next best thing the way his album's bombed...

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.
Yee-haw!

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Top 20+10 Singles of 2010.

Christmas has been and gone, and wasn't it night? However you spent your Christmas I hope it was enjoyable and left you with that special feeling afterwards. Personally, I stayed in with my parents who had both fallen asleep on the sofa by 8.30pm, waking up briefly for The Royle Family and then dozing off again.

We're at that lovely time of year now where we look back over the best things that happened in 2010, and some of the worst, and we look forward to what's happening in 2011. I thought the epitome of this would be my countdown of the best songs of 2010, which I've been compiling a list of since October, but how many the countdown would comprise of became something of an issue as my "Best of 2010" iTunes playlist now contains 100 tracks. So I've narrowed it down to the Top 30 (20+10, get it?) singles of 2010, based around plays on my iTunes as well as over at my Last.fm account. You know I love keeping people in suspense, so here's the bottom ten of the thirty...

30. Cheryl Cole - Promise This
Released: 25th October
Peak Position: 1

OK, so Promise This might not be everyone's cup of tea, but presumably someone liked it as it got to Number 1 when it was released in October, accompanied by a mime-tastic performance on The X Factor which, while not as good as Fight For This Love, was still pretty good at reminding us why we love Cheryl Cole in the first place. Plus there's a nice bit of nonsensical French thrown in for good measure. Expect to see me wearing this next Halloween.

29. The Ting Tings - Hands
Released: 11th October
Peak Position: 29

By the time The Ting Tings ran off to Berlin to record their second album, they had kind of out-stayed their welcome. Due to this over-exposure in the past, it seemed when they came back on the scene with this catchy little comeback single they were reluctant to do, like, anything in the way of promoting it, so it went under a lot of people's radars (despite having been played by Carla and myself on our Pride Radio show). Shame, really, because if you get over the fact it's The Ting Tings ("*scoff* The Ting Tings?? NO THANK YOU"- do fuck off) it's actually a fantastic song. "Clap your hands if you're working too hard", sings Katie in the chorus. Who can't relate to that? (Apart from, obviously, people with no hands).

Released: 20th December
Peak Position: 2

It looks like as 2010 draws to a close, Rihanna is finally getting the recognition she deserves. After a number 1 single (at last, it had been about a hundred years) and two high-profile appearances on The X Factor, I'm happy to see people are starting to accept Rihanna for more than a Lady GaGa wannabe, which she never was and never will be, and more an artist in her own right. Of course, she didn't write a single song on her most recent album Loud, but that's really neither here nor there. What's My Name is a lush laid-back number about someone going down on you. How Drake is going to reply to the question "what's my name" when he's got a mouthful of vag is beyond me, but who am I to argue with Rihanna? Oh na na.

27. Nicki Minaj - Your Love
Released: 20th September
Peak Position: 71

Nicki Minaj is back on another of my "Best of 2010" lists despite not being mentioned on my blog for the entire year. I do predict big things in Nicki Minaj's future for 2011, which is a bit of a swizz considering 2010 was actually meant to be her year, but whatever. Nicki Minaj is like a cartoon character come to life- she's fiery, she's energetic, she's got the best arse anyone has ever had ever. Your Love is a break from her usual "yo, yo motherfuckers" routine, where we get to hear her rapping about a man who has stolen her heart over an old Annie Lennox sample. "When I was a geisha, he was a samurai", she says in what is one of my favourite lyrics of 2010, being both shit and beautiful at the same time. The video is gorgeous as well so get a look at that. Nicki Minaj. What. A. Woman.

26. Joe McElderry - Ambitions
Released: 11th October
Peak Position: 6

So perhaps things might not be going quite the way Joe McElderry might have hoped. As another series of The X Factor comes to an end, his most recent single has bombed into the charts at a lowly 68. Oh dear. Let's think of the good times though, Ambitions was the Shields lad's first "proper" single, and it was a canny good one. Unfortunately it was flanked by a truly terrible dance routine which, to make matters worse, Joe was running around saying in interviews he was dead proud of. Oh. Dear. Me. We'll check back in a year and see how he's doing, but really it's not looking good, is it? Wonder if he still regularly texts Cheryl...?

25. Kylie Minogue - Get Outta My Way
Released: 27th September
Peak Position: 12

It's nice having Kylie back, isn't it? Doing proper Kylie songs like All The Lovers, and my beloved Get Outta My Way which more-or-less personifies white-lady fierceness. You, there! You're slowing Kylie Minogue down! Stop it! Get out of her way! The video's an explosion of neon loveliness, and Kylie looks fantastic in it. So good for her. More importantly, the song (Stuart Price produced, don'tcha know?) is fantastic. All in all, 2010 has been a good year for both Minogue sisters.

24. Cheryl Cole - Parachute
Released: 11th March
Peak Position: 5

Poor timing really, Cheryl Cole released Parachute weeks after she announced that she'd left that dickhead Ashley Cole. We all cheered for her, until she released this little ditty about standing by your man. It all seemed a bit distasteful really. Then she appeared in the video cavorting around with that oh-so-straight is he/isn't he/no he isn't he likes a dick up his bum-hole Derek Hough, swinging her around his head and generally not being gay. Because he's not gay, you know? All context aside, Parachute is an amazing song, so well done everyone concerned for that.

23. Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment
Released: 3rd May
Peak Position: 37

The thing with Adam Lambert is that by the time he arrived in the UK everyone who would be interested in him already knew about him, and had downloaded his album already, so by the time For Your Entertainment raised its head here in Britain, we'd seen it all before. Thanks to the Internet you can't really release things in different territories at drastically different times anymore, because we have ways of finding out. It's a shame, because now you'd think that Adam Lambert's career had flopped and maybe it had, but I like to think that had we just been given him at the same time as the rest of the world he might have flourished like a little gay flower. The important thing to remember is that Adam Lambert is- in my opinion- one of the most important LGBT icons of our time, and For Your Entertainment is one of his finest moments.

22. Diana Vickers - The Boy Who Murdered Love
Released: 19th July
Peak Position: 36

Very pretty girl, catchy song, fantastic video. And yet this song got to 36 in the UK charts. Why so low? Because radio stations were still playing Once by the time this was released. It all seemed promising for Diana Vickers at one point but these days it seems like she's trying to be a million different things at once and it's all a bit confusing for her fans, myself included. One minute she's purring on The X Factor dressed as a sexy circus ring-leader, the next minute she's fooling around in a kid's dressing gown, and the next she's in a nice dress looking like a sophisticated young lady. One thing I'm not confused about is this song is fantastic, and that is really all that matters in the long run. I adore this song; the lyrics are clever, the chorus is memorable and it's just everything a good pop song should be.

21. Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Bittersweet
Released: 2nd May
Peak Position: 25

Bittersweet by Sophie Ellis-Bextor is basically a really good song. I've mentioned this before in a blog devoted entirely to the song. It's high energy and it's fun and it's a bit camp and it's sophisticated and twinkly but still pop pop pop. I saw Sophie Ellis-Bextor live this year supporting Pet Shop Boys and she is basically a lass in a dress singing pop songs in an RP voice, but it works and while admittedly her chart positions haven't exactly been in the low numbers for a few years now, she's still lactating amazing music from her pop tit and as long as there are gay teenagers Sophie Ellis-Bextor will have a fan base.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next part of the Top 20+10 Singles of 2010, has your favourite made the cut?

Thursday, 23 December 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Christmas Eve Roundup.

It's Christmas Eve, motherfuckers! Can you believe it? Truthfully, no I can't believe it, I still feel like I'm not really ready for the big day and have the overwhelming feeling I've forgotten something, so some poor member of my family will have nothing to unwrap come Christmas morning. Not long before I'll be settling in for my annual trip to St. James's Church before hurrying home to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol, undoubtedly the greatest Christmas film that ever has been and ever will be. No one does Christmas quite like The Muppets, and I can tell you this because just last night I went to my sister's flat to watch It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. I'm not sure how much I mention my sister on my blog, but she is amazing and I adore her.

This will be my last Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup before Christmas, so I'm wishing you all Happy Holidays. Hope Santa brings you whatever you want, don't drink too much and if your relatives are getting on your tits, do try and keep it to yourself just for this one day a year. Wonder what celebrities are doing this festive season? Well I will tell you.

1. She's comin' home, she's comin' home, she's comin'... (Metro)


As Piers Morgan insensitively probed her in an interview earlier this year, Cheryl Cole confessed that her life had become unbearable and she wished she could run away...to Newcastle. There are many reasons she might have said this:

POSSIBLE REASONS FOR CHERYL COLE CHOOSING NEWCASTLE AS HER PLACE TO RUN AWAY TO:
1. Stateside diner.
2. £3 trebles at Gotham Town.
3. She can be nearer to Joe McElderry.
4. There are many pretty bridges over the river Tyne.
5. Fenham Pool.
6. Her mam lives there.

Aye, that wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. So anyway, right, Cheryl said she wished she could jack it all in and go back to Newcastle, and so that's what she's decided she's going to do this Christmas.

Apparently she'd already been planning to spend Christmas with Derek Hough in LA, where he'd been busily tidying his house, getting everything nice for her spending the festive season with him. However Cheryl's had a change of heart, and after a difficult year (I'm not sure if you've heard but she had a rather public divorce and and then nearly died of bloody malaria, the poor dear) she decided she'd rather spend Christmas with her mam and her brother. Her brother saw me dressed as her for Halloween and apparently found it "hilarious" according to sources on Facebook. Not exactly what I was aiming for, but whatever.

Wonder if Cheryl will get to see this sign while she's home:

Amazing.

2. Enrique Iglesias is fucking you tonight. (Perez Hilton)


If you don't fancy Enrique Iglesias then it's simple: you fancy women. A similar test can be carried out with Kelly Brook. If you don't fancy either of them, I advise you see some class of a doctor. So anyway, as Christmas approaches I'm sure there are many of you reading this who'd agree the best present of all would be Enrique telling you that he is going to fuck you tonight. Imagine it. Imagine him actually saying him it to you.

Well you don't have to imagine it anymore, because in his brand new single Enrique spells it out for you via the medium of song. He released the video for the song, entitled quite bluntly Tonight (I'm Fucking You), today and it's caused quite a stir. There's bare tits in it for starters! Actual bare breasts! And then there's an orgy! An actual full-on orgy! And all these girls try and take Enrique's clothes off, but unfortunately his clothes stay on:



Naughty, eh? Nice of Ludacris to show up, as well. It seems he might have lost a bit of street-cred ever since he did that Justin Bieber track, and the only way for him to remind people he's bad-ass is to sit in the back of a limo with a string of women on a track about fucking. Well done all concerned. A fine day for misogyny.

3. Sharon Osbourne visited by three ghosts during the night. (Digital Spy)


Natural beauty Sharon Osbourne has had a change of heart following long-time feud with X Factor judge Dannii Minogue, possibly due to a visit from three Dickens-esque ghosts this festive season.

While chatting to her dear friend Louis Walsh as she stood in for Lorraine Kelly on her chat-show, The X Factor came up inevitably in the conversation (after all what else does Louis have going on in his life beside Westlife?) Louis had nothing but praise for Dannii, who claims in her otherwise uninteresting autobiography that he and Sharon bullied her when she joined the talent show in 2007, saying she "worked hard" and was "very independent".

More shockingly still Sharon, who said Dannii was on the show purely because Simon Cowell fancied her and invited David Duchovny to look at her arse when he asked what Dannii Minogue looked like, added "she did absolutely great". Wow! Could this finally be the end of the Osbourne/Minogue spat? Have they finally drawn a line under all the ugliness that went on between them? Does this mean that Kelly Osbourne no longer believes Dannii Minogue is the devil? Because, if nothing else, let's remember this festive season...Kelly Osbourne believes that Dannii Minogue is the devil. Really. She does. Amazing.

That's it!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Yee-haw!