Friday, 30 April 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Celebrities have spent the past seven days doing things. Lindsay Lohan has been sacked (again!), Madonna has had a number one album without lifting a finger and Alexandra Burke has a new video. However, I'm not going to talk about any of those things in this week's Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Britters conceals her titters. (Perez Hilton)

If you liked it then you should have put a bra on it.

It's a hard life being Britney Spears. Record labels control what she sings, stylists control what she puts on and her father controls everything else. It seems the only thing she can control is what she pulls out of her underwear drawer. Unfortunately for BritBrit, it looks like she's even had that right stripped away from her.

We all know that when the paparazzi catch Britney Spears, it's not usually at her best. Daddy Spears has noticed that in recent times, Britney's been looking a bit more free and loose than usual, and according to reports has imposed a new rule that says that Britney Spears is no longer allowed to leave the house without a bra on for fear of tarring her image. Excuse me? I think that Britney's image went down the pan when she dropped her baby and got carried off in a stretcher, it's a bit late to save America's sweetheart from the perils of fame. Seriously though, once you've seen someone's gash there's only so shocked you can be by them. I for one say that if Britney wants to "free the Kentwood Two" then that should be her decision.

Apparently, though Jamie Spears would disagree with me, and is forcing her bodyguards to make sure that his daughter is wearing a bra at all times. As if her bodyguards haven't got enough on their plates keeping Chris Crocker and Sam Lufti away, now they have to check that Britney's got the girls in their hammocks as well? Dearie me.

2. The Bieber ain't getting no beaver. (MTV)

Bless, he's like a little koala, innhe?

If you go on Twitter right now then I can more or less guarantee that Justin Bieber is trending. He's fucking massive. Which is ironic because he's tiny. Bless him he's had more fame in 12 months than most people have had in their whole lives and he looks like he's going to deliver your paper, worry about his SATS exams or finger your little sister behind a bike shed.

Despite aforementioned fingering behind a bike shed, Little Justin isn't getting anything. He told journalists this week that he's single and not looking. He's in Japan at the minute and during an interview he was asked if there was a special lady in his life, though he insisted that at the minute his heart belongs to the music.

"I travel a lot so it would be difficult. Maybe in the future," he said. Now, this next bit is just for the boys. Cast your mind back to being 16. I'm sure you remember that life at that age is essentially a tesosterone-driven quest to get laid as many times as possible in an American Pie-esque mission for as many sexual conquests as possible. Obviously some of us are more successful at this than others. But to me a 16 year old who could have his pick of the (excuse me) pussy and isn't taking advantage of this implies only one thing. A raving homo. Mark my words, folks.

I must admit, when I first saw Justin Bieber I was repulsed that anyone outside of a secondary school could find him attractive, until recently when I decided perhaps he was quite cute. That is, until Teen Today posted this image of him running around the beach and looking like someone who should probably be at home revising his times tables...

Come along now. Even Gary Glitter would turn his nose up at that. Too far? Yes you're right. There's nothing funny about paedophillia is there? Moving on...

3. Peter Andre reminds us that he is, in fact, a massive douche. (Digital Spy)

What a dick.

If you've read the blog before, you're probably aware that I think Peter Andre is a massive, massive twat. Of epic proportions. Unfortunately, it seems that people like him for reasons which are completely unknown to me. This week though, Peter Andre further proved himself to be an absolute dickhead by completely showing himself up.

Things started innocently enough, with Pete telling reporters that he'd recently turned down a position on the judging panel of The X Factor in Australia. He's obviously been following Boy George's tips on how to get into the headlines by mentioning certain topics. According to Pete though, he is simply too busy being a doting father to take up such a demanding position.

"What a noble man he is, giving up his career to look after Junior and Princess. What a martyr. And to think he's giving all that up while Katie Price flings herself about left, right and centre for work-- marrying people at the drop of a hat and having a career. WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!"

Hold your horses there, Team Andre (or as they should really be known Team "Women-Get-Back-In-The-Kitchen-Ooh-Peter-Andre-Has-A-Nice-Body-But-I-Can't-Look-At-It-Now-Because-Dancing-On-Ice-Or-Hollyoaks-Or-Something-Is-On"). It turns out that Peter Andre is a bloody big liar. A spokesperson for Simon Cowell's production company claims that "Peter has never been offered any role on X Factor in any country".

Ouch. Mega cringe.

4. M.I.A.'s video is awfully good but you can't watch it on YouTube for some reason or another. (NME)

You do know it, man. It was on the advert for Slumdog Millionaire. Aye, that one.

A few weeks ago I mentioned M.I.A. on my blog because she had been slagging my girl Lady GaGa off and calling her a copycat which I'm sure you'll remember I didn't take kindly to. Before I get on with today's task at hand, I would first of all like to apologise to M.I.A. because I had forgotten all about this which is essentially Lady GaGa "doing" an M.I.A. song. Only about 7 people actually bought the song though, so it can't really be attributed to the massive sucess story that is Lady GaGa. And that, as they say, is that. (ps. Anyone who believes anything about anyone in the industry being a "real artist" with "integrity" or any of that bullshit needs to read this rather fantastic blog over at Shiny And New, a favourite pop music blog of mine)

Meanwhile, shockingly M.I.A. is back on the Celebrity Roundup and this time I am not slagging her off on behalf of pop divas everywhere. Her new video (you can watch it by clicking the NME link above) premiered online this week and it caused quite the stir because it was bloody violent and not in an "oh my goodness she's running around a diner and poisoning people" sort of way, more in a "bloody hell this is a bit much there's people being massacred all over the shop".

You see the video for Born Free is a pretty disturbing affair which sees a whole host of ginger people being rounded up by law enforcement officers and treated like prisoners of war. A description like that makes it sound like a big joke that Catherine Tate would approve of, but instead it's a heavy, political video with a proper message and everything. Catherine Tate would probably still approve of it, mind you.

Unlike the comedy genius that is Catherine Tate, YouTube did not approve of the video which sees ginger adolescents forced to run through a mine-field and total nudity, and promptly removed it from the site. Apparently they don't tolerate pornography or "gratuitous violence" which, to be honest, I find utter bollocks when you consider that about 50% of the comments you read on people's videos are utter homophobic bile which no one seems to care about fixing.

M.I.A. herself has not commented on the whole debacle, but then again she is a busy woman. Lady GaGa won't slag herself off, you know...

5. Christina Aguilera clearly thinks we're all idiots and is stealing everyone's ideas and hoping we won't notice. (Daily Mail)

Christina Aguilera can royally fuck off if you ask me.

All week Christina Aguilera has been previewing stills from her new video Not Myself Tonight and this evening the finished product will be shown. On my Twitter I've been less than kind about Xtina because it has emerged this week that she has no ideas of her own. I've banged on and on for about a year now about how Christina's most recent incarnation absolutely smacks of Lady GaGa (Christina herself said in an interview that the Lady GaGa comparisons weren't worth "wasting my breathe" over because she's been in the biz for ten years now and "my work speaks for itself". What a load of shite). Let's have a look for ourselves shall we? It seems it's not just GaGa that Christina is schtealing ideas from these days...

EXHIBIT A- OK, so perhaps this comparison is clutching at straws somewhat. After all nudity isn't exactly an idea that Britney Spears thought up herself especially for the Toxic video, is it? The gold jewels all over her body are something to consider, but I think we can pretty much let Christina get away with this one just this one time. After all, Britney based her entire world tour around one of Christina's music videos, we can let this one slide I reckon.

EXHIBIT B- Twenty years ago, Madonna broke records with her video for Express Yourself which as, at the time, the most expensive music video ever made. It saw Madonna at the head of a society where buff men worked all day...or something... OK so I admit I'm not quite sure what happens in the video for Express Yourself because the sweaty half-naked men are something of a distraction for me. Maddy knows what the gays wanna see. Either way, the video was, according to Madonna herself, "about how pussy rules the world" which is why Madonna got on all fours and drank milk from a bowl like...well, like a pussy(cat). It looks like Christina is doing the same thing in the Not Myself Tonight clip. I must admit, Christina has admitted to being a massive Madonna fan (she even kissed her once, though you probably don't even remember Christina being there she's so insignificant) so perhaps it's more an homage than a stolen idea, although it's a pretty obscure reference to randomly include. A little too obscure if you ask me...

EXHIBIT C- Aaaand it's time to crack open the GaGa file again. This is the one that pisses me off the most, because Christina obviously thinks we're all idiots. She thinks we don't read the papers or watch the news or even go online. She apparently thinks that in the wait for her upcoming album we've been playing dominos and sitting around touching ourselves without much consideration for the outside world. No, sweetheart. A new popstar came around in your absence and we like her a lot more than you. We know you like her as well, why else would you steal so many of her ideas?

Unfortunately, in Christina's head Lady GaGa is still a relative newcomer. She doesn't see the number 1 hits or the sell-out tours, she just sees the fact that she was there first and therefore it's perfectly acceptable to nick GaGa's ideas. Well, it's not. When Lady GaGa went to a press conference in a gimp mask it was pretty much the moment the world realised something extraordinary had been found in GaGa. It was also the moment that Lady GaGa claimed the gimp mask as her own. And so, Christina, you can take your music video and stick it, because in a few months Lady GaGa is going to release Alejandro which is going to wipe the floor with your idea-stealing effort.

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup
Yee and, indeed, haw!

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Have a listen to this lovely little number.

Yesterday I posted a blog about how much I love Alphabeat. It's been 24 hours and I still have not changed my opinion. One thing that has changed in this 24 hour period is YouTube, the popular video hosting website. It's changed in a way that it is now 200% better, because it now contains the music video for the new single that Alphabeat are flogging, which is called DJ. There is not a single second of this music video that is not incredible. If you can find a second's worth that is not incredible then feel free to take a screen-grab and email it to me at


Monday, 26 April 2010

Tweet of the Week.

People go on about Nadine Coyle as if she's conceited and up herself. They say LA life has changed her and she thinks too highly of herself. But read try and read this Tweet without smirking a little bit:


Big Gay Monday: Alphabeat

Give me something I can dance to.

This is more a plea for you to go and listen to Alphabeat than anything else, because they truly are the bestest band in the whole wide world. Their music is absolutely gorgeous. Lady GaGa made pop music good again by glorifying the shallow ideals that it supposedly supported, but Alphabeat (who actually supported her on her Monster Ball Tour) are the opposite of that. Their songs are gorgeous ditties about dancing and love and living a happy life. They aren't political and they aren't controversial, they're just joyous and completely luscious. All well and good, but why are they at the centre of Big Gay Monday this week? Well let me ask you, of the six members of Alphabeat do you know the sexuality of any of them? There's speculation about all of them, they're constantly playing Pride events and even performed at Powerhouse, which I'm sure we're all aware is the greatest gay club in the world. And yet, there's no confirmation either way about the group's sexuality thus proving they're all about the lovely music which is more than can be said for rockstars who go around talking about all the women's vaginas that they've putting their penises inside of.

He's not your boyfriend he's mine.

My favourite Alphabeat song (and, as it happens, favourite song of all time) is Boyfriend, which Stine (the lass) says the band wrote together after watching a film about a lesbian relationship, and was originally called Girlfriend. The song is about being in a gay relationship and not being arsed about what other people think ("my parents they don't wanna see me, my friends say I'm uncool but I let love rule") because it's not other people who have to deal with it, it's you ("he's not your boyfriend, he's mine.") On top of that brilliant message, the song is absolutely incredible. Of course it is. It's by Alphabeat. Meanwhile in Rubber Boots Anders sings that "you should wear rubber, always wear rubber" which I believe is an ode to what Jeremy Kyle would call "putting something on the end of it" which is an important message for the gays who cannot keep passing their AIDS between each other like some sort of hot potato.

Get down and go-go.

For their second album, Alphabeat have taken on a whole new image which is more spangly, more glittery and more dark than their previous album. The music is also more 90s dance-oriented than their previous 80s-inspired debut. Think Rhythm Is A Dancer. Think You Got The Love. Think RIIIGHT ON TIME. RIGHT ON RIGHT ON TIIIIME. RIIIIIGHT ON TIME. You know the one. It's incredible, it's different to everything else in the charts while in keeping with the 2009/2010 pop music revival.

Unfortunately Hole In My Heart, the best song on The Beat Is... only charted at No. 29. This is no good whatsoever, folks. And so I urge you to go out and download all the Alphabeat tracks that you possibly can, because there are no bad Alphabeat songs. More importantly there is not a single Alphabeat song that you can listen to without thinking to yourself afterwards "you know what, life's not so bad is it?" And there ain't nothing wrong with that.

To sum up, Alphabeat are absolutely incredible and if you don't agree then you obviously don't want to be happy, and in that case you never will be.

Check out: The Spell, DJ, Fascination

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that.

Throw your hands up at me.

Since splitting up with her husband, my sister has told me that she's surprised herself with how together she has been living alone, doing things by herself and generally being independent. She said she never realised that she could enjoy being by herself in the flat, something I must admit I never thought she'd be able to do. She and I are quite similar in that respect, until recently I've never considered myself someone who could just sit and be quiet, someone who would use a night off work to just stay in and relax instead. My sister and I have always been similar in the respect that we both hated the quiet, both hated sitting still and both hated being alone.

I had a realisation that if my sister could handle all of this then there was no good reason why I couldn't do it too. So the other day I went to McDonalds post-University because I was hungry and had no one to go with. I was perfectly happy to do this, ate my chicken mayo inside then went home. I sat with my headphones in and it was just nice. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in one of my favourite Sex And The City episodes where she goes for a glass of wine on her own at the end and it's lovely.

It seems, though, that everyone since this incident thinks it's completely tragic. People I've spoken to, my best friend, even my own mother have looked at me with pity in their eyes when I told them about it. Do I really need someone with me all the time? Perhaps you're reading this now and even you, reader of my blog, are imagining the sad scene of me sat alone in the corner of McDonalds, crying into my chicken burger and trying to avoid eye contact with the people around me. I only needed fast food, I wasn't going for a three-course dinner, I just needed some sustenance to stop me passing out on the metro home from University-- why do people think doing this on my own is so unacceptable?

At first I thought this was more boo-nobody-should-be-single patter that I furrow my brow and usually take to the blog over. But then I had a think, and I could have picked anyone to go to McDonalds with. McDonalds is not furniture shopping, I don't need a significant other to do it with. The real wonder is though, why are we so we afraid to do things by ourselves? Alanis Morissette has this song where she goes "why am I so petrified of silence?" and that is just it, what do we think will happen if we do things like going out alone?

I'm not suggesting we all start doing everything alone, walking around with horse-blinders on and never speaking to anyone until the day our lonely existences come to and end, but I think that we as a people should be more willing to do things by ourselves. We talk about independence as if all that involves is not relying on a romantic partner, but it's really so much more than that. I'm not an anti-social person, and there's no way I'd be able to go, for example, an entire day without making someone laugh or hearing gossip from someone. But if you ask me it's a sorry state of affairs if we can't do something simple like buying a pair of jeans or having a McChicken Burger without someone their to hold our collective hand.

And so, in conclusion: get a grip, folks.

Friday, 23 April 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It's Friday, it's 2.53pm and I have just stumbled out of bed. That can mean only two things:

a) It was a late one at Powerhouse last night (even with only approximately ten people there) which culminated in Catherine jumping into my arms following a successful performance of the Bad Romance routine.
b) It is time for the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup where we look back over the last seven days of celebrity gossip through the bitchiest eyes in the entire of the North East...

1. Ke$ha has a new video for a song that is far from shit. (Facebook)

She's not pretending to be drunk-- what more do you want?

I'm not very shy in my love of Ke$ha and I'm usually the first to spring to her defence when people are taking the piss out of her and calling her fake when in fact the only reason people think she's full of bullshit is because she sings pop music and we still live in an unfortunate world where we cynically assume that anything "pop" is completely artificial which is a pile of balls if we're honest with ourselves which the Bible says we should be.

Anyway, this week on Ke$ha's official Facebook page, pictures from her upcoming music video Your Love Is My Drug (which is, incidentally, the best song on her album and possibly the best song of 2010) where she is seen cavorting with a bearded man in what appears to be the desert. Another bearded man? Really? However, the last line of the song is "I like your beard" so she cannot very well be roaming around with Justin Bieber, can she?

The rest of the Loose Women were busy, but Colleen Nolan always has time to make a cameo in a Ke$ha video

Other photos from the video show Ke$ha under a UV light covered in tribal-inspired fluorescent paint, a theme she continued with when she performed the song on Saturday Night Live. Something I cannot defend Ke$ha for, before we see the clip, is her live singing which seems to get more and more atrocious every time I see her. Oh dear. Let's watch, eh?:

Oh dear.

2. Grace Jones is so alternative and different she doesn't even like Lady GaGa! SOMEBODY STOP HER SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!!! (Guardian)

Nice accordion.

Irrelevant popstar Grace Jones has obviously been to the Boy George school of getting into the headlines just by mentioning certain topics. You might have noticed that it's been a good two weeks since Lady GaGa was actually in the news for doing something herself, it seems that most news stories about her these days are simply people mentioning her in interviews. That is because, unlike people like Grace Jones, she is too busy performing a sell-out world tour to sit around in interviews and slag other people off.

The first time I ever watched an interview with Lady GaGa she listed her two biggest influences as David Bowie and Grace Jones. She talked so highly of Grace Jones, she admired the way that if she walked through a wall "you just know the exact shape she'd leave". It seemed she really looked up to Grace Jones. She had actual admiration in her eyes speaking about her. That's right, folks, human feeling!

When asked what she thought of Lady GaGa, there was less warmth. "I don't really think of her at all. I wouldn't go to see her." She also revealed that Lady GaGa had approached her to do a collaboration but she turned how down, saying "I'd prefer work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me, actually".

Now here's what's wrong with Grace Jones slagging Lady GaGa off. I'm 19 years old and I have never heard a Grace Jones song before. There was an interview with her in Attitude magazine where she was given the opportunity to get young people interested in her music again, but instead she came across as a raging bitch so I just disregarded her. A few months later I heard GaGa speak about Jones in several interviews and how much she's influenced her as a performer. So I decided to check out some of her music. What a load of old shite. The point is, it's through Lady GaGa that thousands of people will have been moved to listen to Grace Jones's terrible, terrible music and if you ask me Grace Jones should be thanking GaGa, rather than using GaGa's fame to get herself back into the headlines for an extra minute and a half on top of the fifteen that Andy Warhol promised.

Still, if Grace Jones doesn't want to work with people who are "just copying" her, I don't think we'll be seeing the "Rihanna, feat. Grace Jones" single any time soon...

3. Agyness Dean is channelling Britney circa February 2007. (Heatworld)

Work, work, fashion, baby, work it, move that bitch crazy

I used to fucking hate Agyness Deyn. Proper hated her. I don't really hate that many famous people, but she was definitely on my list. But look at her! She's shaved her bloody head! And I love it!! I've always had a bit of a thing for girls with shaved heads (I am thinking more Natalie Portman than Britney Spears here, though, folks) because- as someone who has taken clippers to his hair for the first time in about six years in the last twelve months- I know it takes some balls to watch all that hair falling around you.

Either way, Agyness Deyn looks absolutely fit with her new 'do, which she showed off for the first time at the Coachella Festival this week. She was also pictured walking around in Doc Marten boots- does she just want to be me or something??

4. Vickers ryhmes with knickers. Write the headline yourself. (Daily Mail)

Diana Vickers is just delightful.

Like Agyness Deyn, I used to proper hate Diana Vickers. I thought she was a ridiculous human being. However, since her solo material debuted I have had a total turnaround and now count myself as a big fan of hers. She's doing a promo tour at the minute, trying her hardest not to pull a Joe McElderry and that took her to perform at G-A-Y this week. Knowing she'd be performing for hundreds of gays, Vickers obviously decided to look at gay icons of the past and dress like them to entertain the homos and homoettes in the audience. Perhaps this is what prompted her to pop on this horrible number:

Dirty Diana.

Nice crotch. Pictures like this do not really go with the nice girl image she's got going on, and I would really hate for Diana Vickers to become the next Pixie Lott-style slag where her music is geared to make her look younger than she is to fulfill everyone's filthy jail-bait fantasies, because unlike Pixie Lott, Diana Vickers is actually a very talented lady. And so, Diana, no more leopard print numbers that show off your cootchie when you crouch down. Please?

5. Kylie Minogue has a new album cover and there is nothing boring about it. (Popjustice)

Put it away, pet.

Christ is it "news about people I didn't used to care for" day? Kylie Minogue put a notice on her website that "big news was coming soon" and to say that Internet went a-flurry would be an overstatement. In fact, no one cared. Because it's Kylie Minogue. And she is largely uninteresting unless you are a gay man of a certain age.

However the big news was the details of her new album, which is nothing short of incredible:

In bad news for Kylie fans, she also released a teaser of her new single All The Lovers and things are not sounding good. Let's have a listen shall we:

I think Shiny and New say it best describing the song as "either a mosquito doing opera, or a botox-filled helium balloon slowly deflating through a small orifice. Should be good."

And that, folks, was the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.
Yee and, indeed, haw!

Monday, 19 April 2010

Big Gay Monday: Bittersweet.

Before I begin this blog, I'd like to start with an apology. I haven't done Big Gay Monday for a few weeks now, which I'm sure you agree is very unfortunate. The first time I forgot about it, it was because I was out having the best night of my entire life. If you're reading this and you were there (ie. you are Catherine or Laura or Emma or Rachel) it feels like ages ago now, doesn't it? But it wasn't really. Either way, it was amazing. Catherine and I sang Britney Spears's Overprotected on karaoke and not only cleared the dance floor in the Bank Bar, but actually cleared the entire bar.

The following Monday I was out again, which turned into me coming home at 8.30 in the morning. I originally wrote an apology blog explaining my predicament, but when I proof-read it I realised it sounded a lot like I was bragging about my "wild" night, which is something I hate people doing even though I am a Ke$ha fan, however I now feel enough time has passed that it is alright for me to tell you about my late night escapades with Catherine. It was fantastic. It culminated in us stumbling out of Aspers Casino at 6 in the morning, deciding to go for a walk along the Quayside to watch the sunrise only to discover that the sun was already up and we had wasted our time.

My love is bittersweet.

And so, all apologies aside, it's back to Big Gay Monday business. Except it's not really, because all I'm going to do is post a YouTube video of the song I can't stop listening to at the minute. The song is relevant to Big Gay Monday though because:

1) It is by Sophie Ellis-Bextor who them gays like.
2) It is produced by Freemasons who are also "liked by gays".
3) It is called Bittersweet, a sentiment gays can really appreciate like the ending of The Wizard of Oz or the breakdown of Britney Spears.
4) It is the sort of song that you listen to the first time and go "it's shit" (something gays love to do)
5) After this initial "it's shit" approach to this epic song, you quickly come to your senses and then can't stop listening to it on a constant loop until you have a breakdown (something else gays love to do)
6) While the song practically hands poppers to you on a plate- don't worry folks, it's perfectly possible to enjoy this song without the assistance of amyl nitrate.
7) It sounds like this:

It is the sort of song that Powerhouse was erected and opened for. Digital is all well and good, bopping away to Vampire Weekend and the like, but is it going to play a number like this? No it bloody well isn't (although on aformentioned "home at 8.30 - ohmigodyouguyzz we are, like, totally willllld" night Digital did play Bad Romance so Catherine and I got to do the routine for a whole new audience of unappreciative indie kids who found the playing of Bad Romance ironic, much like when the DJ at Powerhouse puts on B*Witched except I'm willing to throw my hands up and say that B*Witched are not a guilty pleasure they are a fantastic musical group).

And that, my friends, is the end of this week's Big Gay Monday. Come back next week when there will be another one. Or maybe they won't be. We'll see, shall we? WE! SHALL! SEE!

Saturday, 17 April 2010

One small step for man-on-man-kind.

Last week it was announced that President Obama has finally granted visitation rights to gay men and women in America. What this means is that finally it is up to the patient who they see in their last hours and not the hospital, and the fact that there is no gay marriage in America no longer matters for gay, or unmarried, people who want to spend their last hours with someone who isn't traditionally viewed as "family".

Obama said:

"Every day, all across America, patients are denied the kindnesses and caring of a loved one at their sides whether in a sudden medical emergency or a prolonged hospital stay.

Affected are "gay and lesbian Americans who are often barred from the bedsides of the partners with whom they may have spent decades of their lives — unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated."

He obviously gets it. This is not something he's had his arm twisted into. This is not his apology for the shower of shite that was Proposition 8. This is obviously an injustice that he wanted to put right. Let's just back up the truck though and bear in mind that until earlier this week, gay people were not allowed at the bedside of their life partners because they weren't married, which is a complete vicious circles in itself because the high majority of these gay people would be married they just aren't allowed to by law. You see, we spend so much time clapping our hands over the small victories that we don't realise there still is a lot of prejudice out there and a lot that really does need to be changed.

Nonetheless, good on you Mr. Obama. A lot of gays out there owe you one.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Well do you know what? We are here on yet another Friday and as you well know, that means it is time to have a look back over the past seven days of celebrity gossip, slagging off everything as we go in the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Britney Spears is not perfect and is not afraid to show us. (Daily Mail)

Britney Spears is so much better than you. You should be ashamed.

Britney Spears is absolutely stunning. I know this and you know this, she has to be because with her complete lack of talent she needs something to be able to survive in this cruel business we call show. Sad but true.

Forever ago, Britney did a campaign in America for a brand named Candies. I don't know what Candies actually make, but I do know that back in the day Carrie Bradshaw wore Candies, because Stanford says to her "You wore pink suede Candies and I loved you anyway". Lovely. Anyway, this photo shoot she did was heavily criticised because everyone was going on and on about how airbrushed Britney was. First she'd conned the world with her mastermind miming (not really, obviously- her miming isn't fooling anyone, anyone who is genuinely deceived by the miming that Britney Spears puts forward should be killed), now it seemed she was being airbrushed into next week. Thing is, though, Britney wasn't happy with this particular criticism because as it seems, she was not even that airbrushed. LET'S HAVE A PEEK SHALL WE, FOLKS?:

All that money spent on airbrushing Britney Spears and she couldn't even be arsed to wash her rancid weave before the photoshoot? HER LAZINESS MAKES ME SICK. Nar man. Seriously, though, folks, Britney is just like you and she is still beautiful and so are you, so next time you look at a celebrity's legs and think "bloody 'ell, why don't my legs look like that I'M NOT EATING THIS WEEK" have a word with yourself because unfortunately you don't have someone who will walk around airbrushing you in your day to day life. Britney is beautiful and so are you. She is a real human being and real human beings are beautiful. Good for you, Britney, I bet you've made a lot of people feel good about themselves.

I just hope this doesn't inspire her to start releasing her un-AutoTuned vocals...

2. Leona Lewis is not having you calling her boring anymore. (MTV)

Leona is so interesting my eyes have fizzled in my head.

If you don't think Leona Lewis is boring that's because you, yourself, are boring. She is a very talented lady and I'm sure she's a lovely girl. Some dickhead knocked seven bells out of her at a book signing once which is no good at all, but she is dull as dishwater and there is no use pretending that she isn't. Dull dull dull. For a while she had the advantage of being the only successful X Factor winner, but then Alexandra Burke kicked her arse by winning X Factor and being interesting, so now she really has nothing.

Apparently, Leona is planning a whole new image change to follow in the footsteps of Rihanna and Lady GaGa. A source says she's tired of being the "good girl" (Translation: "tedious bore") and wants to evolve both "her look and her music" (Translation: "More colour and less choirs). I think Leona needs a reality check, what she's doing at the minute is fine and she's going to confuse a lot of people if she starts dressing like GaGa...

Oh christ. It's started.

3. The people of Birmingham do not exactly dig Whitney Houston. (Digital Spy)

What! A! Waste!

Whitney Houston started the UK leg of her world tour in Birmingham this week, and it would be an understatement to say that reviews were mixed. Despite praise from hardcore fans, Tweets people posted from the night had a different story to tell. At one point during a costume change Whitney went offstage while her brother (???) performed a number, followed by a video interlude. This was not a new video, it was just a music video played to pass the time while she took all year getting changed.

Naturally, the crowd started to grow impatient and Dean Piper of the Mirror posted this on his Twitter:

When she returned to the stage, Whitney started to perform an acoustic medley of four of her songs. The crowd were once again not impressed with this and that is when this unfortunate event occured:

That's right, Whitney changed her set in the middle of the show. She's Whitney Houston, you see, and she can do these things if she wants to. Finally, with all of these delightful cockups, Whitney finished the show like this...

Ouchie. My final point is that last Monday, the lovely Carla and I went for a trip to the lovely Newcastle gay scene, and on our taxi ride home the drive popped on Whitney's Greatest Hits and skipped ahead to I Wanna Dance With Somebody after I mentioned it was my favourite song. We sang it all the way through and, let me tell you, it was not good. But even Carla and I in a taxi could put on a performance better than this...

4. SuBo wants GaGa. (Perez Hilton)

I knew you'd take all my honey, you selfish motherfucker.

It's happened to us all at some point or another, hasn't it? "Yeah, of course you can come, of course!" You know they can't, but it's just good manners to invite them even though you know in your heart that their presence will ruin everything. Lady GaGa is experiencing this for herself, last December she was quoted as saying "I don't know if we [Susan Boyle and I] could work together, but never say never. It would be great to work with somebody of that talent". She said it, she probably forgot about it and that was that. Two of the biggest names in the world could finally share a headline, it was a celebrity journalist's wet dream. Delightful.

This week, though, it all came back to bite GaGa right on her fantastic arse as Susan Boyle revealed herself as a Lady GaGa fan. "I'd love a duet with her, complete with a telephone hat", she told journalists earlier in the week. Can you imagine if GaGa had got Susan Boyle in on Telephone instead of Beyoncé? SuBo driving along in the Pussy Wagon and saying, in her cute Scottish twang, "You know GaGa, trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broke, but you can still see the cracks in that motherfucker's reflection". It's the stuff dreams are made of.

5. Boy George isn't dead yet, folks. (Digital Spy)

His career is as thriving as his makeup is tasteful, Boy George ladies and gentlemen...

If you were in PR and your client had just got out of prison, you know you'd have a lot of hard work ahead of you. You'd also have a list of key words to use in interviews to get them column inches. Words like "Lady GaGa", "Adam Lambert" and "The X Factor" for example. This week, Boy George put himself out there and told journalists that he'd love to be an X Factor judge.

"There was talk of me doing it last year," he told Now magazine. I wonder who this talk was actually between. Boy George and his cell mate perhaps? He went on to say that although Simon Cowell makes him laugh with his comments, "some of it's really cruel and I don't know if I'd want to be a part of that". Now while I agree that Simon Cowell can be a little harsh at times, I don't believe he ever held a rent boy against his will in his flat, so it's something of a double standard on Boy George's part. Could you imagine Boy George on the panel, though. If you ask me, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are two talentless judges too many without adding another has-been to the equation...

And that, folks, was the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Pandora's Box 2010.

If there is one thing being Catholic has taught me it is not to talk about the elephant in the room...

What people don't seem to grasp about loud people such as myself is that we are generally quite shy people. I am totally awkward and given the opportunity will always say or do the wrong thing. This is probably why in all my 19 years I have never asked anyone out. I have never told anyone I liked them. I have never even made the first move sexually with a guy, always waiting for them to instigate. Perhaps I have a fear of rejection or something deep-rooted like that, but mostly I think it's because I am a shy 'un. And that is that.

This means I'm often left holding onto feelings I have for people that I'm too afraid or shy or timid or whatever to tell them I have. I have decided that as part of my official "I am 19 I am a new man I am going to do everything differently blah blah blah zzzzzzz" schtick, I am going to start going after the things that I want. At least, this was the plan. Unfortunately, I decided to try this out for the first time while in a state that can only really be described as "pissed". The unfortunate thing when you start spilling your guts at people whilst completely inebriated is that they have a tendency not to believe you when you start telling them the things you have been bottling up. More worryingly, when the other party is absolutely off their box themselves on what will from now on be referred to as Toxic Trebles from Gotham Town, there is the possibility of them not remembering the rather important conversation you are having the following day. This is all well and good until the next day rears its ugly head and you're left with a lot more than a headache and a stale taste in your mouth. Instead, Pandora's Box has been flung open and there are harpies flying around all over the bloody place. Someone is going to have to be the first to mention what had been discussed and left open-ended the night before, aren't they?

Well, folks, for those that do not know I come from a very Catholic family so if there's one thing I know (apart from the Apostles' Creed and the fact that Jesus won't love me anymore if I tell anyone what the priest did to me WOAH HO HO I'M JOKING OBVIOUSLY) it's how not to talk about the elephant in the room. I can tell you this because my own glaringly obvious homosexuality went completely undiscussed for seventeen years, so something as simple as "hmm I told you I liked you last night and now no one is saying anything" is a doddle. Unfortunately, without my bloodstream filled with alcohol, I am not quite as brave. I'm like a spinach-less Popeye, except both of my eyes work (I have been known to dress as a sailor on occasion but that, of course, is a whole other story). As I'm sure you can tell from reading this blog, I'm not very gifted at finding the right words to say things. While I would love to be brave and come right out with it to this boy, demanding to know whether or not a) our conversation was a complete waste of time that he can no longer remember, b) he is in the same place as me even a little bit, that is simply not a possibility. Because I am a pussy.

It is obvious that alcohol is to blame for this, and it is not the first time alcohol has caused me problems for me, I once sent a message to a boy on Facebook following a night out with Carla which clocked in at over 600 words, urging him to text me back because he'd seemingly been ignoring me all night. If I like you and I'm drunk and there is some form of communicative device nearby then all bets are off. It is worrying. That is why tonight, when I join my friends for cocktails and all that, I am not going to down five or six Cosmopolitans and wonder why no one else seems as drunk as me. I am going to drink one or two and that will be that. There is no need to constantly disgrace myself. No need whatsoever.

And as for my unresolved boy-crush dilemma, it looks like that is forever going to be remembered as the conversation that, for convenience's sake, nobody remembers...

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Invisible Light

They're back, motherfuckers.

Do you really care that Scissor Sisters have a new song out? You probably don't, you'd probably forgotten about them. That's fine, I can overlook that. You should care though, because they have a new song and an upcoming album. The new song is incredible. Popjustice did a fairly vague review of the album which you can and should read for yourself by clicking this underlined piece of text if you like Scissor Sisters, pop music or are a cocksucking faggot. I'm sorry to generalise gay men, that is probably the biggest criticism of this blog that doesn't involve the phrase "Silly Old Daniel is shit", but it sounds like this is shaping up to be the most important gay album since Gossip's "Music For Men" (what?? You've never heard anything from that either??? WHAT??).

Anyway, the track that was revealed to the world today is the album's closer as referred to in the following Popjustice quote:

It's a nocturnal album with an opening track about sleeping all day then catching a train at midnight to go clubbing, and the album's closer seems to situate itself on a messy dancefloor at about eight o'clock the following morning.
We've all been there really haven't we? Keep it in your brain-box when you listen to it. The boy you copped off with early is copping off with someone else and continuing to give you the eye. You have a poppers headache, and there's a stale taste in your mouth even though stopped drinking a while ago. LISTEN TO THIS MOTHERFUCKERS:


Friday, 9 April 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Well, I am officially 19 years old, putting the old into Silly Old Daniel. And so, before Alzheimer's deletes the whole thing from my memory, let's reflect on the past week of celebrity news...

1. Good news everyone, breast cancer has essentially been cured. (Digital Spy)

Nice tan, pet.

As if being the least talented member of Steps wasn't enough of a contribution to society, Lisa Scott-Lee now looks set to take on breast cancer head on with her new strictly A-list charity single.

Following the success of Helping Haiti- which featured some of the biggest stars in the world including Cheryl Cole, Susan Boyle and Alexandra Burke- stars including The Cheeky Girls, Liz McClarnon and (of course) Caroline Quentin have all contributed vocals alongside Lisa in a cover of Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to launch this year's Race For Life. The whole thing is being organised by Sonique who is currently being treated for breast cancer. This sad fact makes slagging off the fact that everyone involved in the song is a complete loser unnecessarily harsh, really, doesn't it? Don't judge me, though. It is my birthday after all.

My original plan was to post the video of the moment on Totally Scott-Lee when she found out that her single hadn't made the Top Ten so we could all have a good laugh at her expense, but instead all I found was this truly harrowing clip of her appearing on Star Psychic talking to her dead grandfather, so now I feel even worse than I did before. Jesus. Well...moving on, eh?

2. Frankie off The Saturdays hasn't been shagging Ashley Cole. Neither have I. Have you? (MTV)

Frankie Sandford. What a slag, eh?

They might dress like slags in videos for charity singles, but The Saturdays won't go around just shagging anyone that catches their eye, you know! The Sun were very naughty this week and published a story implying that Frankie Sandford had been sitting on the face of that naughty Ashley Cole. Let me tell you, she wasn't very happy about that at all, and put this on her Twitter:

Naughty Sun! She hasn't even met that naughty man! And you're saying that he's put his willy inside of her!!! Her record label, meanwhile, are going to take legal action! Hasn't The Sun been naughty, eh? The Saturdays are really pulling out all the stops to show us that they don't want Girls Aloud's sloppy seconds (unless, obviously, you're talking about discarded songs that didn't make their album, which they are definitely willing to grab with both hands, much in the same way that Frankie would grab Ashely Cole's genitals if she had slept with him which she definitely hasn't because she hasn't even met him, you silly billy!).

3. Madonna wants to dance with YOU! (The Sun)

Madonna is incredible and if you disagree then you are WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If we're playing The Honesty Game here (and we're all grownups living in the complicated time of 2010 so The Honesty Game is as good an idea as any, if you ask me) Madonna is probably more famous these days for flashing her cooch about the place and nicking babies out of orphanages (because she is soooo selfish, that heartless bitch) than she is for making music.

Back in the day, though, she was a singer and she went on tours and people enjoyed them. One time she pretended to flick her bean on the stage and everyone thought it was mint. This other time she pretended to crucify herself, but less people thought that was mint, except the gays who all thought it was fantastic, because the cross she was on was shiny.

Well, good news for those aforementioned gays. Madonna is showing up in clubs across the UK, scouting for talent for an upcoming tour she has brewing. An earlier stint across clubs in New York proved really successful, and now she's going all over the place looking for backup dancers for an eagerly anticipated (again, by gays and relatives of gays) world tour.

This news is especially exciting, as the chances are that if you know me very well at all you're off to Powerhouse with me this evening. Let this story act as a warning-- you never know when Madonna is going to spring up out of nowhere and drag you on tour with her. Of course, the last time I was at Powerhouse I slid down a pillar and was too drunk to get back up again without assistance from Catherine, so the chances of me being hand-picked are probably as slim as the chances of Madonna actually popping up at Powerhouse in the first place. Shame :(

4. Peter Andre can fuck right off. (Digital Spy)

Waiter, there's a dickhead in my soup.

Have you always wanted a book containing pictures of Peter Andre clutching his infant children to his bare chest in a tired and clichéd manner? Well, you're in luck. Not content with the idea that his 15 minutes are well and truly up, Peter "Dickhead" Andre as he will henceforth be known on this blog revealed to journalists this week that he has plans to release a candid picture book containing photos of him on tour and with his children.

I don't agree with taking sides in divorces. A marriage has ended and it is sad. But how can anyone in the world still be a member of "Team Peter" in this day and age? As if that awful OK! cover wasn't bad enough, he's now willing to publish intimate photos of he and his children, making money off their backs in the exact same way that Katie Price is constantly criticised for.

All aboard the hypocrisy train! Destination: D-List! Choo choo!!!

Apparently he was approached to do a follow-up to his totally uninteresting autobiography, but "it wasn't the right time" and instead he opted to do the photo book. It's "not the right time" because Peter still hasn't told us exactly why he left Katie Price in the first place, because he's keeping that info to himself until he really needs the attention, and that's when he'll tell the world. You mark my words. What a vile man.

5. M.I.A. wants to shut her fucking mouth if you ask me. (Perez Hilton)


Writing that Peter Andre story has got me all riled up, so I'm write in the mood to write about someone who has pissed me off and this week that honour goes to M.I.A. I know a lot of people who read this will be fans of hers and have her entire back catalogue sat on their iPods ready to be listened to. But let's pretend just for a minute that we all live in the mainstream. And in the grand scheme of things, M.I.A. counts in my book as a "one hit wonder". If you approach someone on the street and ask them to name three M.I.A. songs, the chances are they will find it near impossible. Paper Planes is an incredible song. I enjoy it in Digital, I enjoy it in Powerhouse, I enjoy it on the Slumdog Millionaire trailer. But that is why my, and most of the world's, knowledge of M.I.A. ceases.

A reporter asked M.I.A. this week how important visuals were to her music. She took this as an opportunity to begin slagging off Lady GaGa, who I'm sure you're well aware at this point in the proceedings is the biggest star on the planet right now. What I'm seeing here, apologies to M.I.A. fans, is a technical "one-hit wonder" slagging off a mega-successful artist in an attempt to get headlines.

M.I.A. was not asked "What do you reckon about Lady GaGa?", "Do you like Lady GaGa", "What are your opinions on any current mainstream pop acts around at the moment?" or anything like that. She just took it upon herself to drop GaGa into the conversation and utter the immortal phrase She sounds more like me than I fucking do. Really? Really, though? Who are you, pet? Shut your mouth and fuck off.

I will, however, continue to dance to Paper Planes because it is a very good song, although everything Lady GaGa has ever released is better than it.

And so concludes the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup!