Tuesday, 29 October 2013

NMEeeeeeh: Lady GaGa, Chromeo and One Direction.

You know what they say about blogs and buses? Nothing. They say nothing about them. Here's a brand new edition of NMEeeeeeh...

Lady GaGa - Venus
Available now

Hey. Hey GaGa. GaGa? Hey...what's your favourite type of Gillette razor?

Literally amazing.

So I mentioned in yesterday's blog that on an appearance on The X Factor, Lady GaGa delivered a fairly erratic and bewildering performance of her new single Venus, which she made available to the general public yesterday.

Venus seems to have really got a lot of people's goat, and I have seen a lot of criticism of the song on blogs and Twitter. People don't like the production (which GaGa did all by herself!), the unusual lyrics "Aphrodite lady, seashell bikini", the strange voice GaGa puts on while she murmurs the word "Venus" in the verses and her "why have one chorus when you could have four" attitude to songwriting.

While I do take all of that criticism on board, and I really have tried to see what people are talking about, I just can't help but love Venus. True, it does not hit you as instantaneously as previous ARTPOP cut Do What U Want (feat. R "Pissyknickers" Kelly) but then they are two completely different songs and while musically Do What U Want seems like the more simplistic song, it's actually Venus which is more simplistic and less "yes this actually isn't about what you think it is BECAUSE I AM AN ARTIST, OK?????" lyrically.

And THAT CHORUS. Say what you like about GaGa trying too hard in the run-up, but when that "when you touch me I die" chorus kicks in there's no denying that it is total pop perfection, particularly the "wonder if this could be love...this could be love" line. Plus there is a middle 8 where GaGa starts listing the planets in a totally random order ("Mercury...Venus uhhh huhhh...Uranus...DON'T YOU KNOW MY ASS IS FAMOUS??") which some people have said is too much, but personally I actually find it laugh out loud. 

More to the point, every time I look at this...

...I love the song a little bit more. Fancy giving it a listen..?

In honour of the unwittingly controversial birthday cake that GaGa sent to Kelly Osbourne, today's songs will be measured out of five birthday cakes. So how many birthday cakes does Venus get?

And I'm not even sorry.

Chromeo - Sexy Socialite
Release TBA

I first came across Chromeo when I was on my year abroad (if there was ever a more odious way to start a sentence than that I don't know what it is) and so the music from their last album Business Casual holds a special place in my heart. So when Daft Punk came back earlier this year with what was basically a Chromeo song with Pharrell Williams on vocals it did make me think "come along, lads, now might be a good time to whack out some new material".

Clearly, they had the same idea, and a few days ago their new single Sexy Socialite appeared online. The song is, unsurprisingly, about a "sexy socialite". The aforementioned is "out to socialise" and she's "always so polite" and she's "out to tantalise". It's everything you can count on Chromeo to deliver, cool-sounding dance music that manages to strike a perfect balance between sounding current and sounding retro.

My complaint with this song is the same complaint I had when I first heard Ke$ha's Die Young, this is the first release Chromeo have put out since 2010, yet this song doesn't show any kind of progress from the last time we heard from them. I totally understand the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" approach, and I'd rather people stick to what they know then put out a load of garbage just in the name of experimenting, but at the same time if you're going to take three years to put a song out I'd like to at least understand why it took so long to make at the end of it all.

And so, just for you, here is the new Chromeo single Sexy Socialite...

And here is a picture of some birthday cakes to illustrate my opinion on the song...

One Direction - Story Of My Life
Available now

Josh, JJ, George and Jaymi are back with the second single from their upcoming album Midnight Memories and this time they've decided to slow the pace down. In my opinion ballads have never been One Direction's strong point, I much prefer their catchier and more fun songs like Kiss You and Best Song Ever for the simple reason they're much more likely to get their tops off in the music video if the song is upbeat. Know what I'm saying?

Interestingly, Story Of My Life is the first single One Direction have ever released which they have a co-writing credit for. What this unfortunately means is that the song is influenced by the music that One Direction are listening to themselves, and One Direction are five heterosexual lads aged 19-21-- what the fuck do they know about good music?

Terrible. Just terrible.

The bad thing is, the influence of this devil music is all too apparent on Story Of My Life which has all the guitar plucking and husky vocals and "wistfully looking out of the train window" vibe that you'd expect five heterosexual lads to come up with left to their own devices to come up with a song idea. It isn't really a "bad song", but at the same time it doesn't exactly go "oh oh oh" and then "yeah yeah yeah" and then "OHHHHHHHHH" if you know what I mean.

Time for some real talk, though. I don't care if they're "maturing" or "trying something new" or "making the music they themselves would actually listen to", this shite is not what I want a five-piece boyband managed by Simon Cowell to be coming out with. I want fun and laughs and lyrics like "yeah-eah-eah yeah-eah-eah yeah-eah-eah" and "woah-oh-oh oh oh oh" and if they can fit a "na na na na na na na na na na na na" in there that would be great too. Story Of My Life has none of that. NONE OF IT.


Better than that shower of shite Little Things, anyway.

Aaaaaand that's that.

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