Thursday, 25 April 2013


New music anyone? Eeeeeeh!

Diana Vickers - Cinderella
Released 21st July (aka not for fucking ages yet, unfortunately)

After what seems like a million years since her last release, Diana Vickers has finally set the wheels in motion for her new album release with the unveiling of her newest single Cinderella. Her debut album Songs From The Tainted Cherry Tree (the worst album name ever which, incidentally, doesn't feature anywhere on the album cover, a smart move by the art department if you ask me) managed to walk the tight-rope very well between bubblegum pop princess and cool, electro goddess (the album contains co-writes with Nerina Pallot, Ellie Goulding and a Björk cover). However the first single to come afterwards (My Wicked Heart, which will probably be most remembered for this YouTube video) seemed to be a big step backwards with its cooing, "woops-a-daisy" lyrics and a chorus nicked from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Therefore, when it was revealed that Diana had signed to an indie label, I assumed her new material would be leaning much more towards the "cooler" stuff from her debut and she'd emerge as a Nicola Roberts character making sophisticated pop music that NME (with one "e") could probably still rave about.

For that reason, her new single Cinderella has come as a bit of a shock to me as it's so unashamedly pop that I could really imagine someone like Selena Gomez or even Cher Lloyd singing it, were it not for the vocals which are unmistakably Diana's. The song uses all of the fairytale imagery you'd expect from a song called Cinderella, my particular favourite line is in the chorus where she sings "for you I would lose both, both of my shoes" which I just think is fabulous. 

The song is really lovely. It's twinkly, it's sweet and it has a lovely message. It will put a big smile on your face I think. Unless, obviously, you don't have a face, in which case forgive my insensitive comment there. How embarrassing. Listen to it yourself here:

Diana's old X Factor compadres JLS have announced this week they are to split. This is a big shame, because when I was living in France I had the JLS calendar and this means never again will those fabulous fitties pose together for a calendar. Shall we remind ourselves just how fit JLS are..?

So. Fucking. Fit.

Anyway, out of respect for their split, today's rating scale will be based on one of JLS's greatest successes- their line of condoms. So, how many colourful condoms out of five does the new Diana Vickers get?

Gross. Moving on.

Florence + the Machine - Over The Love
Released 13th May

The thing here is, the last two singles we've heard from Florence (with or without her machine) have featured Calvin Harris. So we're used to associating that big voice with the dance floor, hands in the air, accidentally spilling your drink on the girl next to you's hair extensions and blaming it on someone else. With those connotations in mind, it's easy to forget that Florence is just as capable as taking you to the height of euphoria with that big old wailing voice of hers, like she does on Spectrum and You've Got The Love and lesser hits like Drumming Song, as she is making an absolute howling racket.

Unfortunately that's exactly what she does on her latest offering, taken from the soundtrack to the upcoming film The Great Gatsby which is clearly going to be making mega dollars when it eventually comes out. Unlike Lana Del Rey's contribution, which is undeniably one of her finest songs to date, this Florence song is just not that good.

Speaking of Lana Del Rey, it starts off with just a quiet piano and her voice which makes it seem as if she's trying for some kind of Video Games vibe, but she quite simply hasn't got the range in her voice to pull it off. Florence is really at her best when she's shouting and bawling and hollering and yelling, which sometimes gives you chills, but in this case it just sounds like she needs to be put out of her misery.

The song's saving grace is the last 20 seconds where there's a very Florence-esque bit of CHANTING where she goes "I can see the green light, I can see it in your eyes" over and over again with lots of cool harmonies, and realistically who doesn't love a bit of chanting?

Listen to Over The Love here:

I do love Florence I think she's very cool and I like that she's British and a woman and all that, her albums are very good and mine and my boyfriend's "song" is even a Florence song (I don't mind telling you it's this one, provided you never mention it to me or use it against me or think ill of us for being a couple with "a song"), but this is just not pleasant listening, to be honest. And that's that.

Speaking of unpleasant, how many condoms does it get?


Jessie Ware - Love Thy Will Be Done

I'm not entirely sure why Jessie Ware has recorded this song, which is a cover of a 1991 hit for Martika (good old Martika...the greatest singer ever...Martika...). At first I thought it must have been for the repackaged American version of her album, but apparently that's already out. Maybe it's going to be a B-side or something. 

Or maybe she's just recorded it because she had a spare afternoon, which I'd like to think is the case because music isn't something to be packaged and sold like tins of fruits or a Bounty bar-- it's there to be listened to and experienced and enjoyed. It's not about the money, money, money. Jessie Ware just wants to make the world dance. FORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG.

So anyway, I love Jessie Ware. She makes lovely quiet music. If my incessant capital letters haven't given me away already, I'm quite a loud person, but when I have my moments of decompression I like to put some Jessie Ware on and do some deep breathing. I'm a fan.

This new song is good, but it's surprisingly not quiet by Jessie Ware's standards. It opens with a lot of banging, as a matter of fact. Her vocals, of course, are quite hushed in her typical standard, but they sound lovely against all the drums and the synth and everything.

Whatever she chooses to do with this song, release it as an impromptu single or whack it on the end of an album re-release or put it out as a charity download, it's a great song and people should hear it. If she chose to put it out as a single, I think this could be to her what You've Got The Love was for Florence before she started making songs for The Great Gatsby soundtrack and deafening me with her shouting.

Listen to Love Thy Will Be Done here:

Absolutely stunning. But how many condoms is it worthy of..?

Before we wrap this blog up, I'm curious- what is your favourite Martika song? Is it Martika's Kitchen where she tells you her "oven's hot" and assures you that if you're good "I'll even let you break the dishes"? Or perhaps it's her poorly timed cover of Carole King's "I Feel The Earth Move" which was removed from radio following the 1989 San Francisco earthquake. OUCH. That is some bad timing right there. Whatever, your favourite Martika song, you can no doubt listen to it on her 1997 greatest hits album The Best Of Martika: More Than You Know.

Martika, we salute you. Never change.

May 18th 1969 - present

And on that note, I'm done.

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