Tuesday, 9 October 2012


You can tell I've got work due in for uni soon because I'm blogging semi-frequently as an avoidance mechanism. I'm churning blogs out like Rihanna singles. Luckily for me, people are chucking new songs out left right and centre, and here are some of them for you in an all-new NMEeeeeeh. It's new music - eeeeeeh!

Olly Murs - Troublemaker, feat. Flo Rida
Released 11th November

So let's be honest, when first one hears that Olly Murs has recorded a collaboration with Flo Rida, one would be forgiving for immediately dismissing their song and thinking to oneself "they clearly met at a re-union for bell-ends from both sides of the Atlantic". OBVIOUSLY I WOULD NEVER THINK SOMETHING SO CRUEL AND SCATHING. Never.

Troublemaker is pretty much a typical Olly Murs affair, but with so many music blogs calling Olly a twat around the clock, it's easy to forget that he is very much capable of putting out a decent song, and this is probably his best release to date.

"Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?" Olly sings in the chorus. He isn't talking about sodomy, though, he's actually singing about a girl who causes trouble no matter what she does. Fancy that, in a song called Troublemaker.

Would you like to hear it for yourself..?

I think it's very good indeed. But the question is: how good on the "Cry-lan Clark" scale..?

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven
Released 25th November

Good news for fans of calling people a "bell end" who you've never even met, it's not just Olly Murs who's released a new single- Bruno Mars has also unveiled his most recent release, the oddly-titled Locked Out Of Heaven

The weird thing is this song does start off sounding a bit like Olly Murs, and even more weirdly it goes on to sound a lot like The Police. And there's a bit in the verses where he keeps going "UNGH". Raunchy.

And raunchy it continues, as the song itself is about someone so good at shagging that Bruno says "your sex takes me to paradise...you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven".

I'm not being funny, but is it just me or is this song just Message In A Bottle by The Police, but updated for 2012 and with more allusions to someone shagging you good and proper..?

Where does it get to on the "Crylan Clark" scale, though, folks..?

Loreen - Crying Out Your Name
Out now

For those in need of a bit of context before you listen to this one, Scandanavian lovely and part-time Jade Ewen lookalike Loreen was the winner at this year's Eurovision song contest. WAAAAAIT DON'T GOOOOOO---- before you start having images of Scooch or Andy the Bin Man, Loreen was representing Sweden, the birth place of good pop music, which means that her music is actually worth listening to.

The followup to her winning song Euphoria is called Crying Out Your Name and continues in its predecessor's dark and moody club. However, unlike her previous single where she was singing about a euphoric feeling of "going up, up, up, up, up, up, uh-up", it seems like this time around Loreen is coming down, and feeling more than slightly mental about it all.

"I've emptied out the mini-bar", Loreen sings like a right mentalist in the opening line to the song before going on to say she's "about to go and key his car". SOUND THE CRAZY BITCH ALARM.

To get a listen to Loreen in all of her mental glory, then feast your ears on this...

Seriously, popstars just aren't called Loreen anymore, are they? It's like Mavis, a name which is unfortunately dying out. Imagine if one of Little Mix was called Mavis? UHHHHMAZING.

Where does Crying Out Your Name fall on the "Crylan Clark" scale, though..?

Seriously...shall we have one more little watch of Rylan Clark crying? Go on. Let's.

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