Tuesday, 16 October 2012


I am cutting straight to the chase today because something amazing has happened. It's NMEeeeeeh. New music - eeeeeeh!

Girls Aloud - Something New
Released 19th October

Sound the alarm. This is not a drill. Girls Aloud are back.

I repeat. Girls. Aloud. Are. Back.

A few days earlier than initially intended the Girls Aloud comeback single has leaked online. It's called Something New. And it is fucking brilliant. I've so far only actually listened to the song twice (it's since been taken off YouTube) but what I can say is that it is exactly what a Girls Aloud comeback single should sound like. It's unmistakeably Girls Aloud, yet it doesn't sound like anything they've ever done before. The lyrics are empowering and make suggestions to taking back their spot at the top of the charts, without actually explicitly acknowledging the time they've been away. Frankly it's a right fucking racket but in the most glorious way possible.

I think @MrNickLevine said it best on Twitter when he said the song "really does give your ears a good, hard shagging", and that's all I can compare the song to. The first time I played it I was so excited I couldn't actually take in any of the details or the specifics of what I was listening to, all I could do was float along and enjoy it. When it was over I was left feeling exhausted, but with the distinct knowledge that what just happened was wonderful. If that's not comparable to a good shag, then I don't know what is.

I've had to link from Perez "Not The Devil Anymore But What A Tedious Individual" Hilton, so apols for that. THE GOOD NEWS IS HERE IS THE TRACK:

UPDATE: It's now on YouTube, which is good:


The question is: how many One True Voice members out of five has the song managed to score..?

Surprising to no one I'm sure.

Steps - Light Up The World
Released 22nd October

Speaking of long-awaited comeback singles from pop groups, the band who essentially provided the soundtrack to my childhood Steps are back with their first single in over a decade, the title track from their upcoming Christmas album Light Up The World.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, I'd say that if the Girls Aloud comeback was exactly what I was hoping for from the ladies, this is the total opposite of what I was hoping for from a Steps comeback. It's obvious what they've done, as time has moved them along they've decided they're not as young as they once were and would rather churn out an OK-at-best, mid-tempo track with nice harmonies and vague connotations to Christmas to prove their worth as vocalists rather than trying to re-hash their former dance-floor glory.

Thing is: Steps are more than capable of a decent ballad. Think back to past hits such as It's The Way You Make Me Feel, Heartbeat and even When I Said Goodbye, they're all fantastic songs. And this new one quite simply isn't. It's a total nothing. And given the rest of the album consists of covers, mostly of Christmas songs, I don't exactly have sky-high hopes for the future of Steps.

Mind you, you don't have to take my word for it. Get a listen to it yourself here:


I'd make a joke about it being such a "tragedy" if I wasn't so genuinely disheartened. Hopefully it'll grow on me. Perhaps I should remember that the last time Steps released a single I was only 11, and probably more easily impressed.

Where is it on the One True Voice scale, though?

Melanie C, featuring Emma Bunton - I Know Him So Well
Released 11th November

Before we go any further, let's forget completely about context. Forget about who's singing this song, or who's sung it in the past. Forget about the Spice Girls, and the constant reunion rumours that crop up whenever they're mentioned. Forget about Emma Bunton's lovely smile, her weird cover of Downtown where she kept alluding to her fanny in the video, and forget about how unpleasant Melanie C has become over time in her quest to be taken seriously as a musician.

The fact of the matter is: I Know Him So Well is a fucking tune, and if Jimmy Savile himself was revealed to have recorded a version of it dueting with Margaret Thatcher, I'd still be inclined to give it a listen, such is my deep love of the song (the definitive version for me is, if you're interested, the Steps version, but that is neither here nor there).

What's Melanie and Emma's version of it like, then?

Well it's alright. It's basically exactly what you'd expect Emma Bunton and Melanie C singing I Know Him So Well would sound like. It doesn't add anything to the original, but then why should it? And what was it going to add anyway? A dubstep breakdown? A guest rap from Nicki Minaj? A shocking extra verse where they reveal that in fact they don't know him very bloody well at all?

What really surprised me, listening to the song was Emma Bunton's vocal which, given that she's only the featured artist, is probably a bit of a kick in the tits for Melanie C: whose own "LOOK AT ME! I'M SINGING" vocals are actually quite grating by the end of it all.

Still. It's good. Annoyingly I can only embed a preview unless you wanna head over to Perez bloody Hilton's site over here. Your call:

Seriously, man, I Know Him So Well is a TUNE. Where does this version find itself on the One True Voice scale, though?

Not bad at all, ladies.

Shall we just have one more look at One True Voice before they're never mentioned by anyone ever again..?

How in the name of arse were these lads ever expected to beat Girls Aloud in the charts???

Well that's all for now.
It's my boyfriend's birthday today (for, like, a few more hours) so happy birthday pet.

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