Thursday, 19 July 2012

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

A lot of shit has gone down since I last blogged. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are now an official couple. He is mega-talented and she...well...she has a big arse doesn't she? Good for her, many people have flat, saggy arses but hers is rounded and high. You could balance a pint on it if you wanted to. I don't think she'd be best pleased with that, though. Feminism and that. Meanwhile Chantelle Houghton has squeezed Alex Reid's baby out. The papers reckon they're not together anymore, because she's sick of him trying her tights on every time her back is turned. Not sure how true that all is. And, of course, who could forget the patron saint of putting on a brave face Miss Britney Jean Spears who can't sit still at the X Factor long enough to have her makeup applied and keeps randomly walking off mid-audition. It's a good job she's not getting paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to that job she's clearly barely capable of, isn't it?


Take my hand and let's walk into the light of celebrity gossip that has happened in the last couple of days in a brand spanking new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Madonna should be put into a retirement home, apparently. With all the other women in their 50s.

OK so cast your minds back a few weeks now and Madonna, the actress who starred in Shanghai Surprise and that dead good H&M advert, was doing a concert in Turkey for her MDNA tour. Rather than taking the more traditional approach of "singing a few songs and doing a dance here and there" she decided that after performing her song Human Nature she would lop her tit out onstage to prove a point about the suppression of women or something. I forget, to be honest. Either way it caused quite a stir. Here is a photo from the aforementioned concert TASTEFULLY CENSORED OBVIOUSLY SINCE KIDS COULD BE READING THIS BLOG OR ANYFINK:

Here at Silly Old Daniel it's class all the way (to see the uncensored photo, click here) (to see the uncensored photo on a hilarious and strangely appetising-looking cake, click here) (it is photos like that of Madonna's bare breast piped onto a cake that remind me why I got into celebrity blogging in the first place).

Predictably, this titty-flash caused something of a stir because Madonna is 53 years old. To put things into perspective of just how ridiculous the media reaction was, even Denise Welch said on Loose Women she wanted Madonna to put her bits away and act her age.

As something of a reaction to this, Madonna was performing in Paris this week and caused controversy when, for the second time so far on this tour, she chose to let one of her knockers fall out of the bra she was wearing. In the interest of symmetry, however, this time she opted for her left breast.

How did the people of Twitter react to Madonna's act of age defiance? BY CALLING HER OLD OF COURSE!

Now, @superdimple. Madonna, of course, cannot be described as young. She is almost 54 years old, after all. But let's be honest, most nursing homes I'm aware of don't take in people in their 50s. Particularly if they're going to walk around defiantly flashing their tits at everyone. That sort of behaviour is not standard nursing home protocol. Surely it's better she do it on stage for people who've paid to see her in concert, rather than people stinking of piss who just want to sit around and wait for death without having a popstar's bare breast shoved in their visage?

I definitely agree with your first point, @gaagaaliiciiuus. Nothing beats a cheeky flash. I would say "the stuff dreams are made of" was slightly hyperbolic, but of course you're entitled to your opinion. Where I lose you is your second point where you say "except when it's 53-year-old Madonna". What precisely is the problem? Is it the fact that it's Madonna herself, and you personally would prefer not to see her breast in particular? (On a side note, if we take a look at @gaagaaliiciiuus's background on Twitter we can probably guess she's not much of a Madonna fan:)

Or is it the fact she's 53 that bothers you? Which brings me onto my next tweet:

I have a question for you, @itsMonsalazar. At what age is one too old to flash ones nipples? 45? 31? 27?

The fact of the matter is that as long as people tell Madonna she's too old to do something, she is going to fight against it. You can say she's past her peak and you can say she's no longer irrelevant but at the end of the day as far as I can see Madonna is continuing to do what she's always done: the exact opposite of what she "should" be doing. 

And I for one say as long as she's happy to flash her tit then I'm happy to see it.

2. Marilyn Manson is a fan of some unlikely music.

If you thought Madonna's tit was scary then brace yourself because here's Marilyn Manson:

Yeah so Marilyn Manson has been chatting on with some people about music that he likes. It turns out that despite having collaborated with underground indie songstress Lady GaGa in the past, he isn't actually a massive fan of her music and says he has "a hard time liking it" (bit awkward really since GaGa once said that Marilyn Manson was her "ideal type" for a man. It's all fun and games till you wake up at 4am and he's sacrificing a goat, GaGa).

However, he was keen to make it clear that just because he didn't like her music, "that doesn't mean I don't like her". Which is good, because I'd hate to think something would come between Marilyn Manson and Lady GaGa's friendship. This is the sort of thing a boy loses sleep over.

Meanwhile, Manson also claimed that he does like some pop music, saying that musically he would prefer Justin Timberlake to GaGa and then bewilderingly going on to out himself as a fan of Kylie Minogue "sometimes". Is it just me, or is it hard to imagine Marilyn Manson jamming to this golden oldie..?

(mind you it is a fucking tune)

1. Can't Get Your Knife Out Of My Head
2. Better The Devil You Worship
3. I'm probably not going to be able to top Better The Devil You Worship, am I?
4. Nope
5. How embarrassing.

3. Olly Murs falls down some stairs.

That is, quite literally, the top and bottom of it. Olly Murs was performing at Guilfest 2012 and he slipped on some stairs which were unfortunately wet due to what can only be described as a piss-takingly high amount of rain we've had this July.

Would you like to watch a video of him falling down some stairs?:

Not terribly mature, but I need to take some of the humiliation off myself. Earlier in this blog, after all, I did suggest that Marilyn Manson's favourite Kylie Minogue song could be "Better The Devil You Worship". Truly embarrassing stuff.

Still. Not as bad as Olly Murs falling on his arse.

Let's watch it again.


I apologise my blogging is so half-arsed these days. I will try harder.

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