Thursday, 24 May 2012

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I've officially been back in England for three weeks now, and things are starting to feel like they're getting back to normal. So much so that I am actually going to be back on Pride Radio this weekend, for the first time in 2012. So if what is essentially an audio version of this blog is something you think you might be interested in, then you can tune in this Sunday at 2pm. In fact tune in any time you like, it is usually definitely worth a listen regardless of who's presenting, but if what you specifically want is my dulcet tones then I shall repeat THIS SUNDAY AT 2PM. HERE.

MEANWHILE if you thought THAT was exciting, wait till you hear what this bunch of celebrity bell ends have been up to in an all-new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Geri Haliwell isn't giving up yet.

What do you think, folks: is former Geri Haliwell going to let a little thing like the fact no one's paid the blindest bit of attention to her since the Spice Girls re-union tour 5 years ago stop her from trying to get her name in the newspaper? Of course she bloody isn't.

In fact the singer, who once frantically locked herself in producer Richard X's car until he would let her record the song Some Girls as her comeback single (it, of course, ended up going to Rachel Stevens only for it to become her signature song), was out in full force in Liverpool yesterday, promoting her appearance as a guest judge on the upcoming series of The X Factor.

Following the departure of Kelly "Sick Day" Rowland who decided sitting on a panel with Louis Walsh was only worth doing once when you're mates with Beyoncé, the singer is yet to be permanently replaced as a judge. 

While the aforementioned Louis Walsh will be returning along with Tulisa and Gary Barlow, it's been decided that for the audition stages of the competition a series of guest judges will stand in, reportedly including Rod "Hot Rod" Stewart and Robbie Williams.

At yesterday's auditions, Geri made a grand entrance by climbing on top of a parked vehicle and addressing the waiting crowds with a megaphone. This was most likely to let them know exactly who she is, as when she guest judged on X Factor two years ago she ended up being booed by a bewildered crowd, many of whom were too young to remember her glory days in Spice Girls.


Current rumours seem to indicate that Geri will eventually be instated as a full-time judge on the upcoming series, which would seem to show a pattern in Simon Cowell employing sufferers of "crazy bitch syndrome" following on from Britney Spears and Demi Lovato.

2. Chris Brown has got a new mate.

I tell you what, for someone who goes on about what a nobhead Chris Brown is I can't quite seem to stop mentioning him, can I? If this were the playground, I could easily be accused of actually having a crush on him. Unfortunately, I've learned over time that having a crush on Chris Brown can occasionally lead to him smashing your face in, and then complaining when people seem to hang on to a violent image of him, so I can tell you now that this is not the case.

Someone who seems to dislike Chris Brown a lot less than me is pretty much everyone in the world because he is horrible occasional singer and OK! magazine staple Peter Andre who tweeted that he'd been hanging out with Breezy in a studio in Los Angeles. While apparently the two of them didn't actually collaborate (thank Christ), Pete did post this picture of the two of them having a whale of a time on his Twitter feed:

Jesus wept.

Reportedly after posting the picture, Peter was inundated with tweets saying "what a pair of tits", the first time he had heard this expression without it referring to his ex-wife.

Do you get it?

She had massive knockers.


3. Things are happening within that band I like.

After reporting that they were back in the studio recording new material, it seems like it's full steam ahead for that collective of human females we've come to know and love under the name of Girls Aloud.

Kimberley Walsh, who I'll admit has taken some unfair grief from me in the past simply because she's the dullest of all dull dullards (soz Kimbo), performed for the final time this week in Shrek: The Musical where she'd been playing the role of Princess Fiona. Has she decided not to continue with her acting career to make more time for the Girls Aloud re-union? For the sake of this blog let's say yes she has.

As a treat for her last performance, Kimberley was no doubt thrilled when her girls came out to see her and pictures of them together appeared online, such as this one where she is with bandmates Nicola Roberts and Sarah Harding:

Fellow Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole also surprised Kimberley by showing up to support her friend in her last night onstage:

Cheryl had been photographed at the Cannes Film Festival earlier that day, as part of her role as spokeswoman for hair giants L'Oreal. Cheryl has a cameo role as a reality TV judge in new pregnancy-themed comedy What To Expect When You're Expecting. However, it seemed she'd let the message of the film go to her head and had chosen an outfit that paid tribute to fertility itself by dressing up as a bloody tampon on the red carpet:

Oh dear.

The more observant among you may have realised this is not a complete Girls Aloud set, and may be wondering where Nadine Coyle was during all this:


Aaaaaaaand that's that.

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