Thursday, 22 September 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

For those who are keeping track, it's now just four short days until I arrive in France. This time in four days I will (hopefully) be on the train from Lille to Le Mans, with my two giant suitcases in tow, probably listening to some kind of empowering diva song to stop me from crying alone and in public. Frightening. I'm not gone yet, though, so let's dig in to another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. All kinds of stuff is going on for that band known as Girls Aloud (unless, obviously, you're Nadine Coyle and you've stopped being invited to things).


Girls Aloud's century-long "year off" is still rolling along nicely with most of them going off and pursuing various projects in the field of performance art while Kimberley Walsh is currently flogging her own range of jewellery at Argos. OH, SHE'S LIVING THE DREAM.

Meanwhile, Cheryl Cole spent most of last week abandoning the world of mediocre pop music and being publicly elbowed in the groin by Simon Cowell and decided to take a relaxing holiday. And you know what they say- what better way to kick up your heels and unwind is there than a relaxing trip to the front line in Afghanistan??

The Geordie Princess flew out to the warzone to commemorate the fact that Britain's army have been in Afghanistan for the past ten years. And what a decade it's been, eh? The Sex And The City movie. The launch of crunchy M&Ms. The rise of Las Ketchup singing The Ketchup Song and then, of course, The Ketchup Song (Xmas Mix). Those poor soldiers have missed it all and so much more, so it's only right they should get a visit from Cheryl Cole as part of The Mirror's Pride Of Britain celebrations.

While she was there she took part in a mock gun battle, which is great because it meant we get to see Cheryl decked out in her army gear:


Lovely.

While she was there Cheryl also reportedly got her revenge on former boss Simon Cowell, when a dummy bearing his likeness was blown up by the army lads. Dearie me. She later, while on the frontline, heard a big explosion which she claims provoked "a few expletives". That's our lass.

Despite this, Cheryl had nothing but good things to say about the experience:


WISH YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM ALL HOME, EH? YOU KINKY BITCH.

When she returned to the UK she headed over to Nicola Roberts's house (as you do) with the rest of her fellow Girls Aloud singers, who posted this picture of them all on Twitter:


I wonder if the other girls even bother inviting Nadine Coyle to these things. Would you? Honestly? Trying to have a girlie night with someone incomprehensibly wailing Insatiable at the top of their lungs so you can't hear Bridget Jones's Diary...what's worse than that?

While we're on the subject of Nicola Roberts, the release of her debut album Cinderella's Eyes draws ever nearer, so to celebrate this she's premiered another song from the album, this time it's the closing track which is called Sticks + Stones and deals with the bullying she received from the British press when she first got started in Girls Aloud.

Before you listen, please heed this warning: Sticks + Stones is not a funny song:



"Funny how I was too young for so many things but you thought I'd cope with being told I'm ugly".
Bleak.

2. Madonna provides the soundtrack to the fight against homophobia.


Let's be honest, homophobia is unfortunately very much alive and well and more often than we'd like people in positions of power have less than open-minded ideas when it comes to the idea of people of the same sex making a life together, being in love or INDEED just having sexual relations with one another.

This is certainly the case with Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, whose family host a Christian counselling service which offers homosexuals the chance to turn their lives around by "praying the gay away". Wow.

When she arrived in California for some class of Republican party gathering, what she hadn't banked on was a welcome party from a group of angry homosexuals who, among other hilarious slogans, performed a flash mob routine to Madonna's controversial signature tune, Like A Prayer. Can anyone think of a better way to greet someone who offers Christian conversion therapy to LGBT people than a performance of Like A Prayer?

Well done all concerned. Keep fighting the good fight, particularly if the good fight continues to feature a Madonna number.

3. Rihanna further proves that she has singles coming out the wazoo.


This time last year Rihanna was busy promoting her single Te Amo from her Rated R album when suddenly- while the song was still in the charts- it was decided that less than a year after her last album was released she was going to be chucking a new one out and with it would be a brand new single. This single turned out to be Only Girl (In The World) which ended up giving Rihanna a much-needed solo number 1 single.

It seems she's up to her old tricks again because, despite the fact Cheers (Drink To That) has only been out about 5 minutes, and her collaboration with Nicki Minaj Fly continues to climb up the charts, that's not enough for the most ADHD woman in pop. You see, earlier this week she was asked when the follow-up to 2010's Loud would be released and this was her reply:


Since then it was announced that a collaboration between Rihanna and Calvin Harris would be coming very soon, and that is exactly what happened as it had its first play on Capital FM today. It's called We Found Love-- but is it any good? WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO IT FOR YOURSELF:



In other words: yes. It is very good. This will be Rihanna's sixth (SIXTH!) single release so far in 2011 (seventh if you include Man Down which ended up not being released in the UK), so between shooting music videos, featuring on tracks with Kanye West and Nicki Minaj, appearing in her film debut Battleships and performing on her Loud tour, I really don't know how Rihanna finds time to record ANOTHER album.

Her sixth album is coming this November, apparently. Rihanna is, I must stress, 23 years old.



Amazing.

If this is my last blog before I go abroad, then I will talk to you all when I get there.
Think good things for me, please.
Laters!

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for following me, it's a bit of a coincidence as i frequent your blog, you're so hilarious! x

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  2. Aw thanks very much-- I love your blog!! :) x

    ReplyDelete