Friday, 16 September 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I am moving to France in ten days. What a frightening thought. Don't get me wrong I am very, very excited but I do not feel at all prepared for this. I am scared my French is not good enough and I am scared that living in a foreign country is going to be harder than I am anticipating. I am scared that I am going to get walked all over by the French teenagers I'm trying to educate and I am scared that I am going to have no friends and come home miserable when it's all over.

Those are some things that I am scared of.

In the interest of keeping my mind on more pleasant things, I am going to do a Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup because it has been a while and I am sure you're all gagging for one. SO just what have those celebrities you love been up to..?

1. Madonna proves there is not enough botox in the world to freeze her sense of humour.

As of one month ago, Madonna is 53 years old. She has been alive for 53 years. This is a long time to be alive for. In this 53 years she has no doubt put up with a lot of bullshit. She's been divorced twice, her own brother stabbed her in the back by writing a tell-all book about her, and let's not forget the people around her constantly kissing her arse in the hope of getting something. A lot, a lot, of shit.

What generally happens when people reach this stage in their life is that they begin to stop caring as much what people think of them. While Madonna has never been one to consider the feelings of others, it seems this was even the case with her when earlier this month a fan appeared at the premier of her directorial debut W.E. to give her a bouquet of hydrangeas.

Madonna graciously accepted the flowers from the fan, who told her she was his "princess" (FOOL SHE IS THE FUCKING QUEEN). However, as the fan walked off, Madonna let her true feelings slide:

A lot of people have said that this video proves that Madonna is a bitch, that she is ungrateful and has no respect. But let's be honest, we've all been given presents we didn't want, haven't we? I know I have; when I was 6 years old I wanted tap lessons for my birthday. Do you want to know what my father bought me? A FOOTBALL GOAL FOR THE BACK GARDEN. WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST IS A YOUNG BOY MEANT TO DO WITH THAT?? I'd have loved someone to tell that I "loathed" football to, but alas I was just 6 and did not want to appear grateful.

Let us keep in mind, folks, that Madonna did not say "I loathe hydrangeas" to the fan, she said "thank you" to him. It's not her fault that the cameras picked up on what she said afterwards, and at the end of the day if the guy was really a fan he'd know not to give Madonna hydrangeas when a simple Google search can tell you that Madonna's favourite flowers are white roses, which she demands as part of her rider. He should have got her some of them. Idiot.

Unfortunately for Madonna the video later went viral with her faux pas spreading like wildfire across the interweb. Thankfully, in recent times it seems Madonna has stopped taking herself QUITE as seriously and posted this moderately funny rebuttal video on her official YouTube channel:

Oh, Madonna. Please never change.

2. Nicki Minaj does HAHAHAHA.

I'm pleased to note that Nicki Minaj's world domination seems to be ticking along nicely. She's won her very first VMA, been praise for photoshoots she's done for magazines as prestigious as Vogue, and she has more than 5 million followers on Twitter. Now she's gone one further and sparked a new online frenzy.

Yesterday Nicki took to her aforementioned Twitter page to post this easily-imitable out-take from a shoot she did with Glamour magazine, along with the message "Got milk?":

Fans of Nicki began taking their own versions of the photo in their own fridges, leading to a brand new Internet craze known as "fridging", which follows in the footsteps of "planking" and invites people to open their refrigerator doors, climb in and take a photo. So far Snooki off Jersey Shore is one of the few stars to take part in the trend, but as it takes off who knows which A-listers will climb in their fridges in the name of Twittertainment?

Alternatively, of course, it might die on its arse. We'll see, won't we?

3. 2011's most unanticipated duet has arrived.

Having previously been a featured artist on songs for the likes of Flo Rida, Taio Cruz and Britney Spears, it seemed like it was only a matter of time before Ke$ha performed on a track for rock singer Alice Cooper.

Well the day has finally arrived as the two have unveiled a duet they recorded together entitled What Baby Wants. According to Alice Cooper himself, and why would he lie for heaven's sake, Ke$ha plays the devil on the track who tries to tempt him and ends up always getting what she wants. What a frisky minx.

He also claims that in time the world will see Ke$ha as a rockstar rather than a "disco singer", calling Ke$ha an "old friend" of his. I find it slightly hard to believe that they would move in the same circles, but then again this is a world where Britney Spears has literally noshed Fred Durst off so I suppose anything is possible, isn't it?

The song itself is not bad at all, actually. You can listen to it for yourself here:

I am keen to see what this Alice Cooper/Ke$ha duet means for the future of pop music, especially considering that Marilyn Manson has already appeared on a remix of Lady GaGa's Love Game. I wonder...

Possible Duets We Could Be Seeing At Some Point In The Near Future
Ozzy Osbourne feat. Taylor Swift - Immammammamma Let You Finish
Courtney Love feat. Justin Bieber - It Was Suicide, I'm Telling You

Those are all that I can think of right now. Feel free to add your own if you're feeling more creative than me.

That's it.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, I didn't know Madge could be so snooty. Saw a funny parody of her snobbish remarks at the Venice Film Festival, by the way.