Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Trüly mental.

On the 15th day of July 2011, the popstar known as Lady GaGa took to the social networking site Twitter to reveal some news to the world...


"Just days?" we all thought. "Goodness how exciting."

ONE BLOODY MONTH PASSED and she finally put the video for her latest single Yoü and I online yesterday. I'm a big fan of the song so it was all very emotional as I prepared myself to watch the video, particularly after hearing rumours about everything from GaGa dressing up as a man to her walking all the way from New York City to Nebraska in the name of true love. Not to mention the mysterious "Yuyi" message she included in her tweet, believed to be the name of her mermaid alter-ego. Surely one video couldn't contain all of this, could it?

Well, folks. The truth is that the video is a positive smorgasbord of GaGa's disguises and alter-egos in a twisting, frantic series of disjointed scenes which is not so much "blink and you'll miss something" as "you are left so bombarded with confusing imagery that you are left unable to blink". As she put the video online, GaGa treated fans to a brand new message on her Twitter in order to explain the concept of the video:


So, for those who haven't yet seen the video, Yoü and I is all about GaGa introducing us every part of her, and the various personalities who inhabit her. Let's see just how many of those we can count in her latest music video...

1. "I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT) (UNLESS BY 'THAT' YOU MEAN WALKING ALONG A ROAD IN WHICH CASE I WILL DO THAT, ESPECIALLY FOR LOVE)" GAGA

"It's been a long time", she says, "But I'm back in town". Always nice to have a re-union and a catch-up. This side of GaGa is clearly an old romantic here to re-kindle an old romance. And how's she doing that? By walking along a dusty old road, of course. She has not chosen the most sensible footwear to do it in, though, which in hindsight was quite foolish as she could have got some comfortable trainers from JJB Sports and not ended up with feet like this:


She's going to need a Ped-Egg for those heels I'm telling you now.

2. "LOOKING QUITE PRETTY AND SMILING NICELY" GAGA

No matter how hard she tries not to, GaGa can look pretty sometimes. It does not last long, though...

3. JO CALDERONE (aka. "LOOK I'M A BLOKE" GAGA)

After spending the past three years of her life trying to convince us that she doesn't have a penis, "HELLO MY NAME IS LADY GAGA AND THERE IS NO PENIS ON ME" it seems she has regressed and decided to dress up as a man. Inspired. She is looking good, although someone wants to tell her that if she keeps smoking those cigarettes her lungs will turn black and she'll have to sing Poker Face through a hole in her throat on her next tour.

It seems that this pretty alter-ego and the bloke (Jo Calderone, his name is as for some reason he is one of the personas lucky enough to be given a name) are in some class of a relationship as look at them here...


Jo Calderone clearly has everything he needs right there in that cornfield, doesn't he? Cigarettes and the love of a fine woman. And loads of corn, obviously.

4. "THIS BUFF MAN IS OPERATING ON ME OR SOMETHING" GAGA

To be honest I'm not sure what is meant to be happening at this point in the video, and that is where Yoü and I starts to have more in common with Alejandro and Born This Way than her greats such as Telephone and Judas-- if a video is complicated enough that its scenes require in-depth explanation than it fails in its mission, really. No one is going to channel-hop through Smash Hits or The Box or MTV Hits and go "hmm what I really need right now is a music video I need to sit down for five minutes afterwards and think hard about", are they? No they are not.

5. "I'M BENDY AND MY HAIR IS TURQUOISE" GAGA

Because the video isn't nonsensical enough by this stage, GaGa pauses for a dance break and puts on a turquoise wig. I'm sure GaGa will tell you that this dance break has a heavy, underlying message but sometimes- to paraphrase Jerry Springer: The Opera- you just wanna fucking dance, don't you?

6. YUYI (aka. "I WANNA BE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE I WANNA SEE WANNA SEE THEM DANCING" GAGA)

Yes at this point in the video Lady GaGa becomes a mermaid. It is a lovely visual, I will give you that, and I know it will make a lot of fans happy who've been wanting GaGa to feature herself as a mermaid in one of her videos since she shot the clip for The Edge of Glory. Personally I think by this point in the video we've seen enough character-changes and it's all a bit overwhelming, which I suppose is the point of the video but by this stage it all gets a bit hard to keep track of.

7. KATHY BETH TERRY

Wrong video. I apologise.

7. "I'M A CORPSE GAGA"

Right so this is the point in the video where GaGa is dead and wrapped in some class of a sheet or something and it's all completely irrelevant and I wish she'd just go back to being in the corn-field. In fact I wish she'd just go back to the Love Game video and sing about fame and sex instead of shoving shite like this which means nothing in our faces. Beautiful, Dirty, Rich was shallow but it meant something, you know what I mean? This is just "HIYA I'M A CORPSE NOW".

8. "BRUNETTE" GAGA

Look! She's brunette! Obviously the way her fringe covers her forehead symbolises the part of us we all refuse to reveal when we enter a relationship, forever masking our true feelings or true behaviour. Or whatever. Is this even still funny? I'm quite bored writing it if I'm honest. Just to keep you entertained here is a video of Rachel Adedeji falling over on The X Factor two years ago:



Back to GaGa.

9. "IS IT IN YET?" GAGA

So this one isn't technically a new alter-ego, she's actually still playing Yuyi but she's having sex with a man with wings tattooed on his back (how very Mila Kunis in Black Swan, I'm sure you'll agree). I'm not exactly sure how this particular sexual act is going to work as Yuyi would technically lay her eggs for this man to spunk all over in another room, what with fish having no internal genitals so Christ knows the mechanics of it all, which reminds me of this moderately funny someone once posted on my Facebook:


Perhaps Lady GaGa herself saw this video and, after already detailing the plight of homosexuals and transgendered people in her song Born This Way, decided to take the opportunity to give a voice to sexually confused mer-folk with the Yoü and I video, as it is such a taboo subject in today's world. That's probably it.

10. "WELL SOMETIMES I GO OUT BY MYSELF AND I LOOK ACROSS THE WATER" GAGA

We all know Lady GaGa was moved by Amy Winehouse's death, so it seems right she should pay tribute to her in this video, more specifically her legendary appearance on Never Mind The Buzzcocks...


Beautiful stuff.

The one thing that can be said for the Yoü and I video is that it lets us in on Lady GaGa's romantic life and shows us once and for all the person she really loves the most...

Herself.

Watch the clip for yourself here...



And when you're done with that you can ponder to yourself how we got to this mental place when THIS is where we started...



Lunacy. Or, indeed, lünacy.

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