Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I am back from my holidays. Me and Kate had a properly lovely time in Tenerife, caught a lot of sun and had a lot of laughs. Back home now, where it's all suddenly got very serious as I thunder furiously towards my year abroad. It is basically now just over a month until I start my language assistantship in France. Scared doesn't even begin to cover how I feel, but it's very exciting as well so it's all good. Meanwhile, celebrities are doing stuff and some of that stuff is covered right here in a brand new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Amy Childs is hot then she's cold she's yes then she's no she's in the Big Brother house she's out of the Big Brother house and so on and so forth.


'Twas the night before Celebrity Big Brother and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. Except, as it turns out, creatures are indeed stirring because if rumours are to be believed Amy Childs has thrown a right spanner in the works for the reality show, which begins its first ever run on new home Channel 5 tomorrow.

The story goes that The Only Way Is Essex were refusing to let Amy pursue any extra reality TV projects, including the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother, which led to her deciding not to return for the third series of the show which begins filming later this year. However, Channel 5 have confirmed that one of the celebrities have pulled out causing "a major headache for everyone". It's widely believed the celebrity in question is Amy Childs, who tweeted earlier that she can't wait for V Festival which takes place over the time she would have been in the house.

While the official lineup for Celebrity Big Brother remains unconfirmed, one woman who won't be appearing is Katie Price who is fed up of rumours surrounding her appearing on the show (I had no idea there were any, to be honest, but that's another story), putting on her Twitter yesterday:





I decided to tweet Katie myself, just to find out THE TRUTH:

I am yet to receive a reply.

2. Michael Jackson tribute concert causes a right old fuss.


Breaking news, people. The King Of Pop Michael Jackson continues to be dead. You read it here first. Because clearly not enough fuss has been made already since the singer died two years ago, it's been decided that a tribute concert to honour the life of everyone's favourite chimp-loving, hair-setting-on-fire baby-dangler will take place later this year in (where else?) Cardiff.

The line-up for the concert is exactly what you'd expect for a tribute concert that's really taking place two-years too late, ie. people with nothing better to do such as Leona Lewis, but will also feature friends of the late star such as Smokey Robinson. Sounds lovely so far, yes?

Unfortunately someone made a right balls-up and decided to invite rock band Kiss to perform at the concert which had fans of Jackson up in arms. And why were they so angry, I hear you ask? Probably because in an interview last year when asked about Michael and his death, lead singer Gene Simmons was quoted as saying "there is no doubt in my mind that he molested those kids". Wow.

Needless to say, Kiss have since been removed from the line-up prompting Jermaine Jackson to speak out against the concert which he believes is "distasteful" as it's taking place at the same time as the trial to determine whether or not Jacko's former doctor Conrad Murray is guilty of "involuntary manslaughter". You know when Jermaine Jackson is calling a Jacko-related event tacky that it's time to put the breaks on it, surely.

3. One Direction have a right "laugh" filming their new music video.


For some reason, when One Direction came third in last year's X Factor they failed to fade away from the public consciousness like fellow third-place acts Eoghan Quigg and Ben Mills. Instead, here we are one year on still discussing their private lives and talking about them as if they're one of the biggest acts in the UK music scene right now when in fact they are yet to release a single.

Here are some things that annoy me about One Direction in no particular order:

1. TOUCHING EACH OTHER
They're always touching each other and it makes me a bit nauseous if I'm honest.

2. CHINOS
They look like Topman threw up on them. I'm all for popstars being "on trend" and that but they look like they've walked straight into the shop, seen what the mannequin was wearing and gone "yes I will have that please". CHINOS OVERLOAD, WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST.

3. NIALL
LOL

4. THAT ALAN CARR INTERVIEW
It was a right awkward mess wasn't it? You can't just go on a chat show with nothing to talk about, the very nature of a chat show is that you discuss, you know, upcoming projects you have and put right any rumours that may be circulating. Instead they kind of sat there going "Hiya we're One Direction and I suppose that warrants us a spot on this show".

HOWEVER, good news for fans of the boys (which I was when they were on X Factor but this wilderness period that's followed has pissed me right off) as the wheels are about to start a-turnin' for the release of their first single What Makes You Beautiful *gags*. I haven't heard the song yet because for some reason it seems that the world media haven't yet realised my blog is practically the world's go-to blog for all their celebrity needs, but from what bloggers who actually matter have said it sounds like it's going to sound exactly like you'd expect it to.

As a sure-fire way of making sure the song is a hit, the lads will be taking their kit off in the accompanying music video and frolicking about in the sea. I IMAGINE THAT AT THE SAME TIME THEY ARE CASUALLY TOUCHING EACH OTHER UNNECESSARILY AND TURNING MY STOMACH WITH RAGE. Today some shots taken when the boys were "chilling" on the set of the video have been released, and you can see them right here. They aren't even a little bit staged, why would you say that?:


All I can say is that this was clearly not filmed at South Shields beach. If five chino-wearing teenagers whipped a guitar out and decided it was as good a time as any to have a sing-song at Shields beach they'd be chased into the sea by dog-shit-throwing chavs faster than you can say "syringes in the sand". What a ridiculous photo.


It wasn't all serious guitar shots in between filming though. LOOK WHAT THOSE RASCALS HAVE GOT TIME FOR NOW. In what can only be described as NOT STAGED IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne are throwing Harry Styles in the sea!! BLOODY HELL THOSE LADS ARE OUT OF CONTROL. Not staged.


Speaking of completely genuine things that definitely happened without provocation and therefore aren't staged even a tiny bit, look what those CHEEKY boys have gone and done now--- they've bloody well buried Zayn up to the neck in sand! BLOODY HELL HE'LL BE PICKING SAND OUT OF HIS CREVICES FOR WEEKS TO COME NOW. They're so badly behaved, but not in a hooligan-esque way so you could still bring them home to meet your mother, couldn't you? OF COURSE YOU COULD. Not staged.


This is my favourite of the pictures because it says so much while actually saying so little. Here is what I imagine the conversation went like shortly before this was taken.

Teenage Girl: Hello there I am a teenage girl and these are some of my friends. We all fancy you and would love to get a picture with you.
Liam: Well that sounds like a lovely idea. Especially since none of us are gay, we obviously fancy you all too.
Louis: That's right, we're not gay.
Zayn: Not gay.
Harry: I love boobies.
Teenage Girl: I saw you burying Zayn in the sand earlier, you're so badly behaved but in a non-threatening way that means I could probably still bring you home to meet my mother.
Zayn: Exactly-- did you see me turn down that alcohol on Alan Carr's chat show-- even though I'm 18.
Teenage Girl: I did. So Niall, would you mind taking this one?
Niall: Well actually if you look there's someone over there with a professional camera so really there's no need for me not to be in the photo.
Liam: ...
Louis: ...
Teenage Girl: ...
Zayn: Maybe you should just take the photo, Niall.
Niall: Oh. OK then. Say cheese everyone.
Everyone: CHEEEESE
Harry: BOOBIEEEES
*girls walk away giving phone numbers to everyone except Niall*
Niall: *writes sad song on very serious acoustic guitar*

That's all for now.
Laters.

5 comments:

  1. I hope Katie price does go in the bb house :o) either way, it's always fun pissing her off on twitter :o)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also, do you think Rebecca Ferguson (age like 30) will be jeal about zayn all over that girl that looks about 15 (his age)? :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sure Rebecca Ferguson is too busy stealing crisps off her grandma to care, if the new Walkers advert is anything to go by.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know I'll hate myself forever for this, but yeah, the One Direction song is good. For me, it is more 'One Direction' that Swagger Jagger was 'Cher Lloyd'. I desperately want Cher to go for 'Do it Like a Dude-style' Jessie J, not 12-year-old Avril Lavigne-type rap stuff. /end rant.

    Also - SATURDAY. This is the day when I no longer care because there is NEW BLOOD.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know it doesnt seem like five minutes since the last bunch were on and now there's a whole new panel and everything--- exciting stuff! x

    ReplyDelete