Thursday, 21 July 2011

#vmanominationfailure

The MTV Video Music Awards are notoriously brilliant. They are responsible for some of the biggest moments in celebrity history, and that is not an exaggeration. Without the VMAs, we wouldn't have had this...


...or this...


...or this...


...or this...


...or this...



...or this...



...or even this...


So evidently the VMAs are a big deal. The nominees for this year's ceremony were announced earlier today and immediately this began to trend on Twitter...

Let's find out why, shall we, as we take a look at some of the supposed injustices from this year's MTV Video Music Awards...


THREE NOMINATIONS FOR ADELE'S "ROLLING IN THE DEEP"

Back in the day, Westlife used to be criticised for their live performance where they would all sit down and sulk. They were mocked because the most exciting point of their performances would be when the key changed and they got up off their seats. In the clip for Rolling In The Deep, however, Adele can't even manage that simple task. I'm not going to criticise the song because I think it's an amazing, stirring song and no one can dispute that Adele has one of the best voices (if not the best) in the current music scene.

However, to reward this four-minute nap of a music video with three nominations in this years VMAs is ridiculous, the woman can't even be arsed to stand up for the filming of her own music video, Christ knows how long it'll take to get her to the stage if she wins she's so unaccustomed to walking anywhere.

AND BEFORE YOU ALL START that I'm being unfair to Adele because of her size, all you have to do is watch the video for Beth Ditto's I Wrote The Book to see that you don't need to be a size 6 to make a stunning music video.

NO NOMINATIONS FOR RIHANNA

Fans of Rihanna are up-in-arms about a total lack of their idol's presence on the list of nominations, apart from her collaboration with Kanye West All Of The Lights which truthfully she would be completely forgotten about in were it not for her fantastic breasts. She's also been nominated in the Best Male Video category for Love The Way You Lie, though I doubt taking home an award for "Best Male" is really going to be much consolation for our RiRi.

Members of the Rihanna Navy are complaining that since the last VMAs Rihanna has released some of the most memorable music videos around. While I'm not sure Only Girl (In The World) and What's My Name are really worthy of being award-winning, despite their loveliness, I'm surprised not to see her efforts from 2011 Man Down and in particular S&M which- apart from being one of the most controversial music videos of the year- is also completely stunning regardless of its controversial nature.

Her outfits in it are memorable and iconic (the "censored" crop top, the all-in-one latex thing she wears while eating the pink popcorn, the classic "lady" outfit she has on while she walks Perez Hilton around on a leash), and it has a poignant message in it about the almost sadistic relationship between celebrities and the paparazzi.

However, the video's overall direction and colour scheme were criticised by David LaChapelle for being a ripoff of his work. I strongly suspect that S&M's absence from the nominations could have something to do with MTV having some class of loyalty to LaChapelle, whose own videos for artists like Christina Aguilera, No Doubt and Avril Lavigne have all been VMA nominees in the past.

Either that or MTV are just adamant that the "Best Female Video" award should go to a video of someone sitting in a chair and pulling faces.

WHERE THE EFF IS JUDAS?

Remember when Judas first came out I was falling over myself telling anyone who would listen that after the absolute heap of shite that the Alejandro and Born This Way videos grimly turned out to be that Lady GaGa was back making proper, brilliant music videos? Well I stand by that, and I still maintain that Judas is one of the best music videos of the year. It's well thought-out, it's intelligently done, the choreography is great, the costumes are great and the woman even directed it herself!

Little monsters (and me) were therefore greatly unhappy to see that Judas only appears on the "professional" categories. The Judas video really is how it should be done, and the thought of Adele waddling home with the "Best Female Video" award for a video where she sat in a chair and whinged on in place of GaGa whose video had a story arc, a dance routine, symbolism and, most importantly of all, CATHOLIC SHITE then I will not be a happy man at all.

BRITNEY AND HER UGGS

I'm sorry, folks, but I'm going to have to be unpleasant about Britney Spears again. Me and Britney are on good terms now, despite her choosing to come to Newcastle on the day my school holidays end and I have to go back to Nantes. However, her video Till The World Ends has been nominated for a few awards and I just don't think it should have been.

For one thing, Britney has never looked so out-of-it in one of her videos as she does in Till The World Ends. She looks more responsive in the clips for Gimme More and Piece Of Me, and she was going through some pretty turbulent times when those were being filmed. Minus points for lack of enthusiasm.

Britney was determined to prove that Till The World Ends would be the video where she really proved that she was still capable in the dance stakes and she quite simply didn't. The choreography was OK, but it was by no means anything mind-blowing, and during her MTV documentary I Am The Femme Fatale she revealed that for any shots where her feet weren't featured she wore her Uggs. SHE WORE. HER. UGGS. Do you think Madonna has ever worn her Uggs for choreography before? I do not. And she's got a good 20 years on Britney.

My other quarrel is the fact that, if rumours are to be believed, Britney used a body-double for a lot of the choreography meaning that the only award the video should really be eligible for is "Best Special Effects". I've said this before and I know it might seem a bit hypocritical since this is the type of music I support frequently, but if the vocals are all AutoTuned and the dancing is done by a double then exactly what about this song makes it Britney's?

The same thing stands for the video. If you ask me, the fact this video crops up a few times on the nominations list is a bit of a slap in the face to other more hard-working artists BUT STILL AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SPEND THE ENTIRE VIDEO SITTING IN A BLOODY CHAIR LIKE SOME OF THE NOMINEES I COULD MENTION.

REBECCA BLACK SNUBBED

Someone, somewhere should have won an award for these amazing special effects:


IT'S LIKE SHE'S REALLY IN THAT CALENDAR. Thankfully, some justice has been done, as Katy Perry's Last Friday Night, which features a cameo from Rebecca, has been nominated for "Best Pop Video" which, along with Nicki Minaj's nominations for the amazing Super Bass in the "Best Female Video" and "Best Hip-Hop Video" categories are the greatest justices of the night.

You can vote for your favourites here. If I hear any of you voted for Adele sitting on her arse I will come after you.

3 comments:

  1. I totally agree with your comments about Uggs. They are the most unglamorous things ever!! No woman worth her lipstick would even admit to owning a pair.... And before you ask, there are most certainly NO uggs in my wardrobe...

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  2. Hahaha. I've been feeling similarly about the Adele vid for a long time. Frankly it's bizarre; the amount she appears to be straining makes it look like she's trying, desperately, to get up and the whole thing's either a metaphor for extreme laziness or... Paralysis. Or it looks like she's taking a shit, which is what I actually thought the whole thing to be about when I first saw it when I was truly hammered. Keep up the good work... Adele... X

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  3. 1. I must admit I don't think Uggs are that bad, and was quite tempted to get a pair myself when I saw Joey Essex wearing them on TOWIE. HOWEVER, you cannot go wearing them for dance routines when you're as big a star as Britney Spears, it's just not on.

    2. Dionysus23- I could not agree with everything you have just said more.

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