Thursday, 28 July 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I'm going to talk about celebrities now, and what they have been doing for the past few days. Unfortunately this won't be a particularly uplifting Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup but I promise to try and keep it cheerier than the real news has been the past few days...

1. RIP Amy Winehouse.

Talented, wild, enigmatic, iconic, intelligent, unique; Amy Winehouse was all of those things. Unfortunately, as everyone is now fully aware, she was discovered dead in her flat in her Camden flat on Saturday at just 27 years old.

When I first heard the news on Saturday I was too numb and shocked to really feel anything. Lots of people have remarked that this is the news "we all saw coming" but truthfully there was always something about Amy Winehouse, a sparkle in her eye when she performed, that gave you the impression that no matter what scrapes she got herself into she was smart enough to get herself out OK in the end. I genuinely thought Amy Winehouse was invincible, and clearly she did too. Unfortunately, it turned out this was not the case, and there were some lows that she could not climb her way back up from.

It was only when, presumably like most of the rest of the people in Great Britain, I put on my copy of her album Back To Black on Saturday night that it really sunk in what a talent we'd lost. Back To Black could truthfully not be by any other artist than Amy Winehouse- its frank honesty, witty lyrics and even the way she clearly means every word she's singing (and that's not bullshit "she got hurt isn't it sad" stuff, I mean even when she's singing about how she doesn't need treatment on Rehab or frustrated about someone smoking her weed on Addicted she sounds as affected by it all as the breakdown of her relationship on You Know I'm No Good or Love Is A Losing Game) are all typical of Amy.

There will never be another Amy Winehouse, and the music industry is worse off without her.

Also, she winked at me once. Did I ever tell you that story? Amy Winehouse. Winked. At me. Brilliant.

2. Kelly Osbourne threatens to leave Twitter.

It hasn't been a good couple of days for poor old Kelly Osbourne. She was one of several celebrity attendees of Amy Winehouse's funeral on Tuesday, along with producer Mark Ronson and the singer's parents and brother.

However, while Osbourne mourned the loss of one of her closest friends, her ex-fiancé Luke Worrall was berating her on social networking site Twitter. While Kelly herself famously took to her Twitter a year ago when the couple split up to reveal that Luke had been cheating on her (with both men and women, apparently, the dirty dog), this time it was Luke's turn to get the digs in at Kelly, choosing to "lol" at remarks made about her by others:

OUCH. Needless to say, Kelly did not take these remarks lying down and instead responded in her own furious tweets:

After the whole of Twitter took sides in "Luke vs. Kelly 2.0", Kelly decided enough was enough and between the death of her friend and humiliation from her ex-fiancé, that she was going to pack the site in for a bit:

TOO much evil, Kelly. There is TOO much evil. Let's take a trip down memory lane and remind ourselves of Kelly's finest moment on Twitter...

NAR MAN. It was obviously when she called Dannii Minogue the devil.

SERIOUSLY. Dannii Minogue. The devil. That will never not be funny. Or is it already not funny? I forget.

3. Nicki Minaj does something very naughty in Jamaica.

All these months I've been going "listen to Nicki Minaj, listen to Nicki Minaj, she's brilliant" and I'm going to assume a vast majority of you have gone "pffft I'm not having you tell me what to do, I'm not listening to that shit" and continued to hate her for "ripping off Lady GaGa" or whatever it is that people hate her for when they have no good reason to.

Anyway, I bet every time Where Them Girls At or Super Bass comes on you have a right old bop, don't you? And are you finally starting to get it? I bet you are. So can we finally accept, after all these months, that Nicki Minaj is absolutely amazing? Thank you. Anyway, I'll tell you what it is she's in trouble for.

Basically, she's been fined J$1000 for her performance at a concert in Jamaica which contained both expletives and "obscene" dance moves. I'm not sure how much that is in our own English pounds but I presume it won't exactly have broken the bank for one of the world's biggest rap stars (UPDATE: I have been informed that Nicki Minaj's fine amounted to £7.13. That'll teach her).

This is not exactly a surprise, one of Minaj's signature tunes includes the line "I'm a bad bitch, I'm a cunt" while her set on Lil Wayne's "I Am Music" tour saw her pull someone from the audience to lapdance before perfecting the "helicopter" move with a nearby dildo, a move I myself have been known to attempt when I've had a couple of drinks down me (not really, folks. There is not enough gin in the world for me to get my cock out in a night-club environment) (unless someone fit requests it, obviously) (not that that is every likely to happen) (I can dream though, can't I?) (too many brackets?) (Perhaps).

And that's that, folks.


  1. Me and my friends put Amy's album-Frank on every Saturday night when we were getting ready to go out from the ages of 17-20. I'm as devestated as you can be about the death of someone I have never met.
    If anything every happens to Morrissey I don't know what I would do.

    Are you watching Candy Bar Girls?

  2. Top round up as always Dan. Thnks