Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Do you like my hair?

Twitter is full of all kinds of bell-ends. There are super-fans of Lady GaGa and Justin Bieber who'd happily scratch the eyes out of your head if you say anything uncomplimentary about their beloved idols. There are people like myself who naively believe the world wants to hear that they're pouring themselves a glass of water, or that they can't decide what shoes to put on.

More elusive than those, however, are the real jewel of Twitter: minor celebrities. These celebrities who fill your news feed with nonsense that, if they weren't famous, you wouldn't give a flying fuck about. More importantly, these celebrities often feel they are doing people a great service by posting the goings on from their mundane lives for their "fans" to read, when in fact the only people who read their tweets are sites like Digital Spy who are desperate for a tweet interesting enough that they can turn it into a news story.

My own dalliance with minor celebrities started a long time ago when I randomly sent a tweet to one of my favourite popstars Darren Hayes and was shocked to receive this reply:


What a thrill to receive such a compliment from a celebrity- especially one I held in such high esteem. Flattered, I eventually got over this brush with fame. But it was not to last. If you follow me on Twitter you'll have noticed that spamming celebrities to find out what they think of my hair quickly developed from a past-time into a sport, and finally into a full-blown obsession. This is my Twitter profile picture:


It all started innocently enough when I saw that former Big Brother contestant Makosi was tweeting about Jesus. "Twitter isn't the place to be bombarding people with religious beliefs", I thought to myself. I decided that, as a way of making my followers laugh, I would ask Makosi- in response to her religious tweet- what she thought of my hair. I was surprised when I saw Makosi's reply pop up in my timeline:

"What a fun idea," I thought to myself. I'll ask minor celebrities what they think of my hair. The first few replies, from Michelle Heaton, Holly Valance and X Factor guest Sinitta, came relatively easily:


I quickly learned that if a celebrity didn't reply the first time you asked them, you could simply pester them into replying. At this point I knew there was no going back, and that spamming celebrities into telling me what they thought of my hair was slowly taking over my life. But I simply could not be stopped:


However, soon enough the celebrity-baiting began to go to my head, and not everyone I asked was quite willing to join in the fun, such as former Big Brother winner Brian Dowling, who was less than impressed when I asked him what he thought of my hair:


Thankfully, though, most celebrities were more than willing to indulge me, even if their reply was less than flattering:

News about my celebrity-stalking began to spread over Twitter and I developed quite a name for myself:

Now I will admit that this blog started out as a rant about how Steve Brookstein, winner of the first series of The X Factor, refused to tell me what he thought of my hair. In one night I asked him about ten times what he thought of my hair, and to no avail. I planned to get all of my blog readers on my side to spam Steve Brookstein into telling me what he thought of my hair. It was going to be epic. The next morning, however, I awoke to this tweet:


Admittedly, he later went on to confess he was less than interested in my hair, but I got a reply nonetheless which blew my plan out of the water. I needed a new celebrity to target specifically, so I could retire from the asking-minor-celebrities-what-their-opinion-of-my-hair-is-game gracefully. The question is: which minor celebrity would be good enough that a reply from them would mean I could step out of the world of celebrity-harrassment feeling I'd had a good run. And then it hit me...

Nadine Coyle.

In order to get this most elusive minor celebrity opinion I will need your help, my beloved blog readers. I know I haven't been there for you recently, with my bitchy comments and snide remarks, but I do still love you and I need you- as Bonnie Tyler once said- more than ever.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP ME
1. Follow Nadine Coyle on Twitter. Perhaps you do already, in which case the plan is already complete. If you don't you can find her here (there is also a hilarious parody account of her here which I also recommend).
2. Sit patiently until she tweets something. This part of the plan requires 0 effort.
3. The second she tweets ANYTHING ask if her she likes my (@sillyolddaniel) hair.
4. Ask her again just for good measure.
5. Encourage others to do the same. Basically we're going to spam the shit out of her.

I have forgotten what the point of this was, but as soon as I get a reply from Nadine it will be my last celeb-stalk for a long time (truthfully I think what started out as a joke has developed into a monster, and we all know how much I hate running jokes) so let's make this a good 'un, shall we? YES WE SHALL.

SIDENOTE: While I have your attention it may interest you to know that I'm now hosting my own radio show every weekday afternoon 12pm-2pm on Pride Radio. It's basically an extension of this blog with celebrity nonsensical chit-chat, camp classics and chart tunes. It is, literally, a right laugh. You can either listen to it online here or, if you're in the North East area, tune your radio into 87.9FM. I love being a part of the station so if you're a fan of the blog then I guarantee the show will be up your street and it would be great if you could listen :) CHEERS!

7 comments:

  1. I already ruined it with my stupid old Twitter account...

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  2. Pleased to have people on board :p xx

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  3. DANIEL I DELETED MY TWITTER AND THEN I JUST SAW THIS AND NOW I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT MY LAST TWEET WAS ASKING NADINE COYLE ABOUT YOUR HAIR

    You were the best person on Twitter by miles. I will miss you, stalk your blog incessantly and perhaps even read your tweets without even following you.

    I HOPE YOUR LIFE IS GREAT YOU REALLY DESERVE IT

    :(

    xx

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  4. What the eff are you doing deleting Twitter you stupid bitch?????????? xxx

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  6. I tried to write a post explaining but it all felt so silly! I don't know, taking over my life/I was getting sick of most of the people on it. It's sad! I will still read & comment the blog though! Perhaps you should use this as an incentive to BLOG MORE x

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