Friday, 20 May 2011

Haiku This Way.

So it's just under a week until Lady GaGa's new album Born This Way goes on sale, but the whole thing is streaming live RIGHT HERE ahead of the release provided that you live in the United Kingdom. Inspired by the fact that I have not posted a blog in about a hundred years, I am going to give you a track-by-track run through of each song but to liven things up a bit I'm going to do it in the form of 14 haikus. One for each track. If you're a fan of haikus you should follow Abi on Twitter, we're always tweeting haikus at each other. WE'RE FUCKING BONKERS ON TWITTER, SO WE ARE.

What a fucking awful album cover.

Marry The Night
All the way through it
She says "I'll marry the night"
Bit repetitive

Born This Way
You already know
I'll review it anyway
I really like it

Government Hooker
It's very noisy
And sounds like cat-walk music
Quite good I suppose

Judas Juda-as
I properly love this song
It has not sold well

Sounds a bit like this
It's not a criticism
Because I enjoy it

Nought to do with Veet
It's not my favourite song
But it's not awful

These haikus were meant to be funny and so far none of them have been. Shall I even bother doing anymore? I've started now I might as well finish, eh?

She's speaking German
Hope she's not taking the piss
Without me knowing :(

Half-way through a blog I thought would be quite funny but it isn't. To lighten the mood, here is a picture of Ellie Goulding's scary Madonna arms:

Bloody Mary
Think this is my fave
It's a little bit creepy
And dead Catholic

Bad Kids
Trying a bit hard
But still has a nice message
Fly your freak flag high

Highway Unicorn
I was bored by now
So I'd stopped listening
Might be good...might not.

Heavy Metal Lover
The same as before
I was not listening
Make up your own mind

Electric Chapel
Listened to this one
A catchy little number
But wait till you hear...

Yoü and I
Very 70s
But also very modern

The Edge of Glory
It's properly sad
But also really happy
Kerry Katona

And so...?

It seems that we've come
A long way from Boys Boys Boys
It's six out of ten

Overall, Born This Way is everything I thought it would be. It did not live up to the hype, but that is only because it simply could not. If an album actually lived up to the hype that surrounded Born This Way then it would be an album so good that the entire world would collapse in on itself. Most of it is worth listening to, particularly her more personal songs like Yoü and I and current single The Edge of Glory.

I must admit, though, I am largely disappointed that the one thing that seems to be missing from Born This Way is what Mary Poppins describes as "an element of fun". I know GaGa is trying to use her power for good in the world, which of course can not go unpraised because songs like Born This Way will make a lot of teenagers feel good about themselves, no matter how cynically you look at it. But there's nothing wrong with a few songs about enjoying yourself, while you're at it. The sad thing is, we know how hard Lady GaGa worked on this album, and there is nothing about the content to suggest that she's enjoyed any of it.


  1. I agree, great album but she has taken it all far too seriously. I have very important news... someone has borrowed the Paris album!!

  2. i could have sicked up a better album cover than that.

  3. Kerry katona!!! Hahaha :o)

  4. Ofc it wouldn't live up to the hype. She set the standards far to high far to early. Let's be honest, nothing she does now is going to top Bad Romance. I gave it a 6/7 but it gets better after a few more listens. My favourites are You and I, Edge of Glory and Heavy Metal Lover. I'm not disappointed in it because I wasn't expecting it to be anything amazing. So it's alright.

  5. Gem - I will be doing a Paris Hilton album followup blog very soon.

    Laura - you are brilliant. If I ever do an album I'd love you to sick me up a cover.

    Hannah - I am pleased you found that funny. That was my hope :)

    Sam- You are right with everything you said. Apart from Heavy Metal Lover which is potentially my least favourite song on the album. Apart from Marry The Night which must have literally taken a minute and a half to write.