Monday, 4 April 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I was thinking, you know, and I went out with Kate last Monday night, and I have just remembered that she had to talk me out of posting a blog from my iPhone entitled "Big Gay Monday: Gin" because I was so in love with the gin I was drinking at the time. It was a thing of beauty. So this particular blog is dedicated to gin-lovers everywhere. Because Kate is no fun. She is a good singer though so while I'm mentioning her have a listen to her on YouTube because she is a talented young woman, and it won't kill you to support unsigned talent, will it?

Back in the day she used to post videos of her singing and there would be a bra hanging over her wardrobe door in the background but upsettingly she's since taken these videos down and created a new YouTube account. How upsetting. I have seen Kate in her bra a frightening number of times, though, so I am desensitised to all of this. So anyway, right, because I am bored here is a Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Rihanna opens up to Rolling Stone.


Usually when you hear the words "Rihanna" and "opening up" you just assume she is talking her legs and will head down the usual conversational route of having a good shag. However, in this instance, she was interviewed for the music magazine Rolling Stone. Rihanna is following in the footsteps of stars like Lady GaGa, Britney Spears and John Lennon by appearing on the front of the magazine, which notoriously uses controversial covers which tend to let the reader know exactly what the star is all about. Here's John Lennon being arty:


Here's Kanye West being controversial:


And here's Rihanna with her arse out:


Seriously though, within the magazine Rihanna discussed some pretty sensitive issues. When talking about lifting the restraining order against her ex Chris Brown, she insisted that it absolutely did not mean they would be getting back together, or even that she would ever speak to him again. Instead, she said she simply didn't think it was fair for him to be banned from things like awards ceremonies or performances they would both be attending, and keeping the restraining order would affect his career negatively. Personally, I don't think it's fair to grab someone by their hair and smash their face into a car window, but I suppose some people are more forgiving than others.

Rihanna also discusses acting in the upcoming film Battleship, and reveals that after the Chris Brown incident she had a period of putting up a hard front, determined not to let anyone see her cry, which is reflected in some of the songs she wrote for her Rated R album.

Needless to say, she also talks extensively about being shagged.

2. Nicki Minaj is bossed up.


I'm not sure I've mentioned this before but I proper love Nicki Minaj. I think she is so fresh and beautiful and talented. I'll tell you what, though. Lil Kim doesn't like her at all. In fact, it's safe to say that Lil Kim actually thinks Nicki Minaj is a massive twat, though many of you reading this would say the same thing. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

So basically, Lil Kim is not shy about sharing her opinions about Nicki Minaj with everyone, first she posted that rather distasteful album cover which featured a decapitated Nicki Minaj, then she released this (ridiculous) "diss" song from the imaginatively named album Black Friday:



So it seems that Lil Kim has made a name for herself simply riding on the coat-tails of Nicki Minaj's success, slagging her off at every available opportunity in a vain attempt at hanging on to her time in the spotlight while actually just coming across to most people as a jealous bitch. Meanwhile Nicki, not wanting to seem ungrateful for Lil Kim's contributions to the world of female rapping, has kept a dignified silence about the whole thing, and never explicitly retaliating to Lil Kim's "hating".

It seems Lil Kim has pushed Nicki's buttons for the last time, though, as a clip from the song Tragedy premiered online earlier today (unfortunately it is not a cover of the classic Steps number, which I would have much preferred). Believed to be a guest verse from Lil Wayne's upcoming album, the song makes fun of someone who has to resort to selling their album on PayPal, saying "you used to be magic... now you're just tragic":



RAAAAGGEDYYY...amazing.

I must confess to you all that Lady Marmalade did come on when me and Catherine were in The Bank Bar on Saturday night and I did think I was pure mint during the "we drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case, that's the meaning of expensive taste" bit. Please, if ever you meet Nicki Minaj, don't tell her this.

Meanwhile after being left high and dry by Enrique Iglesias five minutes after she announced they were going on tour together, Britney Spears is rumoured to be lining up Nicki Minaj as a replacement for him. CAN YOU LITERALLY IMAGINE THAT? My. Actual. God.

3. And now for my favourite celebrity story of 2011 so far.


You're going to like this one if you haven't already heard the story. It was Lady GaGa's birthday the other day, and while I wouldn't wish her any ill on her big day, I couldn't help but think to myself that Lady GaGa's birthday party would be one of the most tedious engagements I could ever envisage. A load of pretentious art types thinking they're far more interesting than they are, sipping whisky and discussing how avant-garde they are. ERGH. Makes my skin crawl. Thankfully I wasn't the only one who thought so:


This set mine and Abi's imaginations going:


Now before this Twitter conversation, I have never been a believer in cosmic ordering, but something in the universe changed and our tweets came to life! Admittedly, Ke$ha herself was unfortunately busy on that fateful night, but thankfully Adam Lambert was at hand to stand in for her.

The story goes that Adam wasn't actually invited to GaGa's party, he was simply there as a guest of Jake Shears, who is supporting Lady GaGa on her never-ending Monster Ball tour. When Adam arrived at the party he was already mortal drunk, and things just got worse as the party ensued. According to witnesses Adam accidentally punched a hole in the low-ceiling of the La Cita restaurant where the party took place.

As the party went on he apparently became LOUDER and MORE ROWDY, which culminated in Adam drunkenly SINGING to Lady GaGa. I've heard it all now-- SINGING at a party, he might as well have just started shooting heroin there and then. Unsurprisingly, Lady GaGa eventually had Adam thrown out of the party for his nuisance behaviour (singing at a party, indeed, I just can't get over it!), because having fun at Lady GaGa's birthday is simply not allowed. Now SIT DOWN, DRINK YOUR WHISKY and TALK ABOUT WHAT A PROFOUND INFLUENCE ANDY WARHOL HAS HAD ON YOUR WORK.

Just so you all know, speaking of celebrations, it is my birthday on Saturday. I am turning 20. I hope to fucking God that no one shows up and starts SINGING. Can you imagine it WHAT HAVE YOU STARTED, ADAM???


Take a bow, Adam Lambert, you fucking legend.

That's it.
Laters!

20 comments:

  1. This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time and so right on. How dare he, really...hilarious. Thanks!

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  2. LOVE IT - and I promise to sing to you for your birthday. You knows I have such a beautiful voice.

    I'm surprised you didn't mention the most important Rolling Stone cover EVER, however:

    http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/18/1870/TWX8D00Z/posters/schoeller-martin-the-vines-rolling-stone-no-905-september-2002.jpg

    Ahhhh I miss all those bands being relevant.

    SRSLY though I'm surprised you didn't have a picture of the Britney/Tinky Winky cover! ;DD

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  3. To be honest I thought it would be hypocritical to show the Britney one and then slag Rihanna off for wearing no clothes but to be honest the best Rolling Stone covers (Britney, GaGa, Megan Fox, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera) have all been based around nudity. It's practically pornography LOLZ

    And as for your singing...best to just stand at the back and mime, eh? WHEEEY. xxx

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  4. Daniel,
    I loved your coverage of the LGG B'd party incident. I laughed entire time I was reading it. You ROCK! Oh and yes singing should never be allowed at a birthday party. Hey wait I heard Adam was actually singing Happy Birthday to the birthday girl. Wow that's really terrible. Adam I'm gonna spank u little devil

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  5. your list made me remember adam lambert's rolling stone cover, not nekkid but the crotch snake will never not make me lol.

    http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2009/06/Adam-Lambert-Rolling-Stone-1.jpg

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  6. I forgot about Adam Lambert in Rolling Stone-- that was his official coming out interview wasn't it?

    I've just remembered my favourite Rolling Stone photo-- Janet Jackson with her boobies out (not for the last time, eh?) xx

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  7. This is so f'ing good! "Take a bow, Adam Lambert, you fucking legend" << is about to go down in Lambert history as one of the best catch phrases ever. lol Thanks for the laugh :)

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  8. HAHAHAHA. This is the only answer to flagrantly pretensious gatherings.

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  9. Hah you have a helluva lot of Adam fans loving this right now! #takeabowadamyoufuckinglegend A+++

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  10. THANKS ADAM LAMBERT FANS :D

    *prays hasn't said anything awful about him in the past so you will all come after me in a scary Glambert mob*

    x

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  11. silly old daniel: yep that was adam lambert's official coming out interview in rolling stone but since he'd been out for years and the internet was full of pix of him gloriously tonguing his ex boyfrond, that part mostly consisted of him going "duh" lol.

    my fave part of the rolling stone interview was the story about him deciding he needed to go on idol after some apparently epic shroom tripping at burning man. lulz. these latest shenanigans at gaga's party remind me why i have such a soft spot in my cold cold heart for the dude.

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  12. Hell yes he'll be a legend. As someone else said on a different blog: You go Adam, give that bitch taste of her own meds.

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  13. This time next year it will be US kicked out of Lady GaGa's party, mark my words! She probably won't be famous anymore by then though and it will be at Mecca Bingo.

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  14. Daniel, if we ever bumo into each other we will have so much to talk about. I love Adam Lambert and I thought his antics were hilarious!
    Lil Kim's face is a tragedy
    x

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  15. Made my day! Not completely accurate (Actually Adam wasn't shown the door.) but by far the best take on the Adam/Gaga Saga yet. Here in the states it's being reported as if this was the most inexcusable behavior heard round the world! Thanks for the laugh. As a huge Adam fan, I've had it up to here/there with all the moralizing!

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  16. Crap, I shouldn't have read this in the library. I'm sitting here, I read "I've heard it all now-- SINGING at a party, he might as well have just started shooting heroin there and then," and now I'm trying to bottle up the guffaws and everyone's looking at me like my brain is broken.

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  17. Hahaha, Adam singing Happy Birthday at a birthday party, being drunk, exuberantly fist pumping in Gaga's honor at her party when she's playing with her anatomically correct blowup doll birthday gift feeling no pain and rolling on the floor with her bf? get the handcuffs! Hope they put a frame around that hole in the ceiling and build a shrine to it! Thanks for the laughs, Daniel! To quote you, Adam "It's not that deep!" Rock on you sweet, lovable bad boy! funbunn40

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  18. Loving that bad boy Adam Lambert more and more everyday, he is a sweetheart and super talented guy. I would love to party with Adam. Thanks for the laugh,"take a bow, Adam Lambert" you are too funny for words. Thank you from another Adam Fan...indigo.

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  19. Cheers for the nice-ness, Glamberts :) x

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