Thursday, 31 March 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Hello everyone, I hope you've had a nice week. While I have your attention I'm just gonna remind you of some stuff. I'm still writing stuff for Spark magazine which I am sure you will enjoy if you like the stuff I write on this here blog, except I have to not be as CRASS on the Spark site, so you can even tell your mam HIYA MAM READ THIS IT'S DEAD FUNNY and she'll go GOD YES IT IS WHAT A GENIUS YOUNG MAN HE IS.

ALSO, my lovely Carla has actually been a grownup (good job one of us is) and got a job, so I'm going to presenting the Pride radio slot on my own for a while. This means I would appreciate listener-type people more than ever, what with me sitting in a studio on my own for two hours every week, so if you're not doing anything this Sunday then tune into 2pm-4pm. It is literally "quite good", particularly if you are looking for ways to procrastinate on a Sunday afternoon.

Let's talk celebrities. They're still doing shit. Here is a summary of some of that shit in the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. What do Enrique Iglesias and Calvin Harris have in common?

If you answered to the above question "Daniel would have sex with both of them", then you would be correct although Enrique Iglesias is the guy I would have my eye on all night, only to pussy out and end up getting off with Calvin Harris because he is less intimidating. Sad but true. They've also both abandoned plans to support pop princesses on tour.

You see, Britney Spears made an appearance on Good Morning America this week to promote her newly released album Femme Fatale (it's OK, if you were wondering, I was going to do a whole blog about it but truthfully don't feel strongly enough about it either way to make it an interesting read) and perform some of the songs off it (and, of course, by "perform some songs" I mean "lip-sync the whole thing and swish her rancid weave about the place).

She also announced dates for an American tour she would be heading on with Enrique, though hours later it was revealed that Enrique had backed out of the plans. While his reasons for doing so are unknown, it's rumoured Enrique initially thought they would be co-headlining the tour, while Britney merely wanted him to be her opening act. How embarrassing for all concerned. It's easy to see both sides of the story if this is the case, Enrique is simply not as big a star as Britney Spears, but then she and Enrique do go back a long way, as can be seen in what can only be described as MY FAVOURITE YOUTUBE VIDEO EVER:

If that's not going to make you want a Pepsi then nothing is.

It wasn't just Enrique Iglesias who left a damsel in distress this week, though, as Katy Perry was clearly left fuming by Calvin Harris after he pulled out on her the week before he was due to support her on the UK leg of her California Dreams tour. Warning her fans on her Twitter page, Katy said:

So Calvin tried his best to defend himself:

But Mrs. B was having none of it:

So Calvin grovelled a bit...

...And then tried to lighten the mood with a joke...

...which went down like a cup of cold sick...

Funny to hear Calvin pulling out on Katy Perry, last I heard it was Ke$ha he was pulling out on IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.

2. Check out Nicki's bush.

She's not exactly known for her shy and retiring nature, but last night Nicki Minaj proved just how good she is at sticking to a theme. At the "Green Auction: A Bid To Serve The World" in her home of New York Nicki arrived in a green wig.

Unfortunately, the rapper was then photographed in front of a giant hedge which more than slightly resembled the hairstyle she was rocking that night, and as you can see it looks a lot like she's going for the camouflage look. I'm surprised she hasn't got leaves stuck to her dress and a birds' house ontop of her her head.

Meanwhile her latest single Girls Fall Like Dominoes was released to UK radio stations this week, and it seems like Nicki has big plans for the video, from the looks of her tweets:

For those who've not heard the song, she references several "bad bitches" including American stars Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé and Madonna, and reports indicate she's trying to get them all in for a cameo in the video. Could you literally imagine a video with Madonna and Nicki Minaj in??? AMAZING.

3. The Only Way is Essex spills over into the real world.

I am yet to mention it on this blog, but I simply can not get enough of The Only Way Is Essex. My favourite is the new girl, Chloe Simms, whose facial features look so artificial and detachable she gives Mrs. Potato Head a run for her money.

So basically, the picture above shows Mark Wright and his moose fiancée Lauren Goodger (on the right). They got engaged a couple of weeks ago, after having an on-off relationship for the past 9 years. On the left we have Sam Faiers, who is only my age but looks like she is in her early 30s, who told Mark the other day (on the show at least) that she is in love with him and she could no longer keep it to herself anymore.

While promoting the DVD of the first series of the show, Lauren decided to have a word with Sam, which apparently culminated in a large-scale fight with the two lasses having to be pulled off each other. Unfortunately I seriously doubt any of this will end up in The Only Way Is Essex, which is a shame because it would make a welcome change from all the vajazzling that goes on. I swear you can't look directly at half of their fannies without being blinded by crystals.

Well. That's that.


  1. ahh your blog is too funny! and im glad im not the only one who calls lauren a moose! that girl just needs to away!

  2. Aw cheers!

    Both of the Laurens on The Only Way Is Essex are utter mooses (moose? mooses?) but the worst is that Chloë! Her face should be in some sort of text-book she's so peculiar!