Thursday, 24 March 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It's been a while since I've done a little Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup, so here is one. It's so late it's early so I'm off to bed now because I can barely keep my eyes open. ENJOY...

1. Chris Brown is pissed right off.

So as if we needed reminding, Chris Brown proved to the world once again that he is not one to be messed with (you'd think the message would be clear enough what with him pure smashing Rihanna's face in, but apparently not).

Yeah so this week he was getting interviewed for Good Morning America to promote his brand new album F.A.M.E. (which, for those wondering what it stands for, spells "fame"), but unfortunately the interviewer just wanted to talk about Chris's ex Rihanna, more specifically that time when he grabbed her by her hair and smashed her face against a car window just for shits and giggles.

Needless to say, Chris wasn't really willing to talk about all that business, insisting it was a part of his past and that the reason he was there was to promote his album. This wasn't enough for the (relentlessly and stupidly fearless) interviewer, who persistently tried to bring Rihanna back into the conversation, despite protestations from Chris himself.

Presumably as a way of showing the world just how under control his rage is, and that he no longer needs to smash things up to vent his anger, Chris then stormed backstage to his dressing room and smashed it up to vent his anger. He broke a window in the backstage area of the TV studio, before rushing out into the street with no top on (not sure why he had no top on but it's not my job to analyse, just to report. Actually it's my job to pull pints and be nice to old women in the hope they'll let me keep the 5p change from their drink order), but thankfully he did have trousers on so his comically over-sized penis wasn't trailing the floor.

However, he didn't seem too fazed by the incident as later that evening he headed to the launch of his new album where this photo was taken:

Chris Brown: still violent and still a misogynist. Excellent.

2. Who wants to hear a probably made up story about Lady GaGa?

Remember that time Lady GaGa showed up to the Grammys in a giant egg, then she sang Born This Way and it wasn't really anything special but because she entered in a massive egg she was still the undoubted highlight of the evening? Do you remember that?

Well Lady GaGa does, and she had such a brilliant time inside of that oversized egg that she wants to do it every single night in her home. According to reports, GaGa is having a similar design made for the bed in her New York apartment, because for the many hours she spent inside the egg prior to the ceremony it helped her gather her thoughts and "feel at peace". Wow.

Now I'm not being funny but imagine you're on a third date with Lady GaGa. OK, last time you saw her she showed up in a dress made of rotten meat, and so what she's sitting across from you right now using big words she clearly doesn't know the meaning of as an attempt to sound smart. She's giving you the look; tonight is the night. Then imagine getting back to her apartment only to find that she wants you to do it in a giant fucking egg. No chance.

I'll tell you what though, at one of her Monster Ball Tour gigs the other night (how in God's name is that tour still going on?? SURELY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAS SEEN IT AT LEAST ONCE BY NOW), she did a fantastic acapella version of Born This Way which really brings home the point that at the end of the day it is the music that is most important:

It's times like this I'm embarrassed to be a Britney Spears fan.

3. As long as people are still talking about Rebecca Black then I'm going to keep writing about her.

Rebecca Black is still trending on Twitter. Surely this must be some class of record? The video for her single Friday has reached almost 40 million views on YouTube, surpassing the videos for Rihanna's S&M, Lady GaGa's Born This Way and B*Witched's C'est La Vie (which has a mere 63,000 views but that's hardly surprising because Blame It On The Weather Man was clearly their best hit), to name but a few.

It seems that as Rebecca's Internet popularity (or notoriety) soars, it seems she's got herself quite a few celebrity admirers herself. For one thing, Simon Cowell has been quoted as saying that he wishes the teenager all the success in the world, and that he'd love to meet her.

"I love her," he says (steady on, Simon), "and the fact she's getting so much publicity. I think it's hysterical". Let's not forget this is the man responsible for unleashing Rowetta, Jedward and Andy The Bin Man onto British society, though. Rebecca Black will probably be one of the rumoured US X Factor judges now, since every other fucker who comes near Simon Cowell is on the "rumoured" list. In fact, look! I've started a rumour myself:

Meanwhile, Lady GaGa herself took valuable time out from having her bed turned into a giant egg to say that she thinks "Rebecca Black is a genius" in an interview with Google this week. Of course, this is a woman who also buys her clothes at Dicksons (the butchers, not the electrical appliances shop, although I daresay she wearing an outfit made out of dishwashers and iPod speakers wouldn't exactly be out of character for Lady GaGa), so her idea of what is genius often differs from the rest of society.

Finally, in her own Good Morning America interview, Rebecca revealed that she felt she was being cyber-bullied, with one YouTube hater telling her to get an eating disorder and die (bit harsh, like). She also confessed to a secret love of teen star Justin Bieber, and openly begged the singer to do a duet with her. Later, Justin took to his own Twitter to post this:

"Sunday comes after Saturday? Weird..."

It's unknown if this is a reference to the lyrics of Friday, or if Justin Bieber has finally got round to learning the days of the week and is struggling to put them in order. It's thought that shortly after her Good Morning America, Rebecca Black ran backstage, punched a producer in the face and did a poo on her dressing room floor. That show brings out the worst in everyone.

Well, it's 3am. To help me (and you, should you find yourself tired) sleep, here is the aforementioned B*Witched number, Blame It On The Weatherman.
Nanight everyone!

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