Tuesday, 1 February 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

If truth be told, I dropped my laptop on Thursday afternoon, and was greeted with a lot of lines on the screen. Needless to say, the air turned blue around me as I swore like I have never sworn before. I dropped it in at the Apple Store in on Saturday and got it back just hours ago. How quick a repair was that, especially considering I utterly lied about how the laptop became broken in the first place.

You see, I thought if I told the Apple Store the truth about dropping the laptop then it might not be covered in my Apple Care. That is, until it turned out my warranty was up anyway, and I'd be forced to pay ridiculous amounts regardless of how the damage was done. Unfortunately by this time I had told too many lies to go back on myself and I had to nod along inanely as the Genius suggested the problem could be damage caused by liquids getting into the system. So yeah, I can not recommend the Apple Store in Eldon Square enough. They fix the problem even when they don't know what the problem is, because the customer is a bloody great liar.

So anyway, I've been without a laptop for quite some time now, I'm sure you've all missed my bombardment of tweets and so-hilarious-you-piss-your-pants-before-the-page-is-even-loaded blogs. But while I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear that my laptop is now in full working order, I'm a little rusty with my celebrity gossip. However, the best way of getting back into the swing of things with a brand new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. The cogs in the Cher Lloyd machine, they are a-turning...

Love her or hate her, X Factor diva Cher Lloyd is not going anywhere for a long while yet. She's home from a whirlwind tour of Los Angeles which saw her hanging out with gossip blogger Perez Hilton and rapper Lil Wayne and to say she had a welcoming committee would be an understatement.

When the teenage singer landed in London, after recording tracks for her forthcoming album, more than 500 screaming fans were waiting in the hotel to greet her with open arms. I was not one of them, although had I known there was going to be a fuss I'd have been all over it.

The shock has prompted manager Simon Cowell to insist that the miniature rapper be given 24-hour security, which is understandable as Cher Lloyd is probably the most easily breakable popstar in the world, unless you mean emotionally in which case Britney Spears takes the biscuit (obviously this biscuit is a metaphor, as if Cher Lloyd was anywhere near a biscuit this in itself would be a news story).

It's looking like Cher Lloyd has had a pretty productive time in America, though, because as of this week her album is officially available for pre-order in the UK on Amazon. It's anticipated that the CD, featuring productions from RedOne and will.i.am, won't be available until the Summer, although the album cover was revealed towards the end of last week:

Now I don't know about you, folks, but that logo is looking awfully familiar. I wonder where Cher Lloyd gets her inspiration from...?


2. Madonna is not going to accept irrelevance yet.

She might be millions of years old but Madonna still knows how to keep the younger side of her audience entertained if she heads back out on the road.

After last year's "The Power of Madonna" episode of Glee proved successful, re-introducing a whole generation of viewers to the Queen of Pop's vast back catalogue and reminding older viewers why we ever loved her in the first place, reports are claiming that Madonna is keen to get the cast of the show to go on tour with her next time she goes globe-trotting.

It's unknown exactly what Madonna has planned for 2011, apart from the release of the second film she directed (because the first one was met with such critical acclaim, obviously), but a new tour would be simply fantastic, although having the cast of Glee onboard as support act might be a bit risky as you'd end up with tons of "gleeks" crashing the party and then leaving before Madonna even took to the stage.

However, if the rumours turn out to be true then the Glee cast will be joining a long list of impressive acts who have opened for Madonna in the past including Robyn, Beastie Boys and... Peter Andre. Yes. Really.

3. Ding-dong, it's "New Video O'Clock".

Good music videos are like good men, you wait and wait and then two come along at once. Of course, if this were true about men I wouldn't be sat at home writing this blog on a Tuesday night I'd be on all fours being spit-roasted by the two "good men" who had come along at once, but it certainly is true of music videos as two of my favourite popstars in the world have unveiled their new clips in the past few days.

The first came from the woman of the hour, Rihanna, whose S&M video made its debut online just this morning. In the video she's seen wearing a dress made out of genuine articles written about her (which, let's be honest, Lady GaGa must be pretty gutted she didn't think of first), whipping anyone in sight with a riding crop and suggestively eating a banana in a manner that would even make her bezzie Katy Perry blush.

There's also a shock cameo from Perez Hilton who walks around on a leash and rolls over for Rihanna to rub his belly like the dog he is which, following his opening video for Britney Spears where he ponces around dressed as Queen Elizabeth I, further proves Perez Hilton will do literally anything so long as there is someone taking his photo. LET'S WATCH THE VIDEO:

I'm sure I've seen that hairstyle somewhere before...

Meanwhile, my other favourite human Nicki Minaj also has a brand new video for her new single Moment 4 Life, which features fellow rapper Drake. The Moment 4 Life has a brilliant fairytale-inspired introduction scene where Nicki talks to her fairy godmother Martha who speaks in the world's second most ridiculous British accent (I think we all know who has the top spot in the stupid British accent chart) and has a full-on SNOG with Drake. Let's watch that now, shall we?:

Well done Nicki Minaj for winning the "Most Ridiculous Facial Expression of 2011 So Far" award:

Of course, nothing will beat Dannii Minogue and her "Best Face of 2010":

Amazing stuff.

Reet that's it for another Celebrity Roundup.


  1. Things I loved about this blog:

    1. Of course, if this were true about men I wouldn't be sat at home writing this blog on a Tuesday night I'd be on all fours being spit-roasted by the two "good men" who had come along at once




    If only you'd put in Kelly's tweet about Dannii being the devil, this would have been perfect.

    I adore you.

    x x x

  2. Mrs H, the shoes and the bump are just loving it!! Xx