Sunday, 9 January 2011

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It's Sunday, folks! And you know what that means? It's the Sabbath. I hope you've all had your daily bread (which, actually, you get weekly and therefore the Lord's Prayer should be re-written to "give us this day our weekly bread", but that doesn't really make sense). Because it is Sunday you can also click here to listen to Pride Radio, where Carla and myself are back presenting our first show of 2011. We're also counting down our Top 10 Hot Messes so expect some of this and some of this, and of course there's bound to be lots of bitchiness and banter. We're on 2pm-4pm so, if you're not doing anything, why not give us a listen, eh?

Before all that, though, I'm going to let you know some things about some celebrities because I absolutely adore celebrity news and, more importantly, you love it when I slag it off. Why else would you be here, eh? NO REASON AT ALL, THAT'S WHY. So sit back, take a deep breath and get ready for yet another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. Actually Cheryl I've decided I don't want to fuck you after all, because you are an old woman. (Digital Spy)

You might remember for months preceding his appearance on 2010's X Factor, Justin Bieber was running around telling absolutely anyone who would listen that he wanted to stick it to Cheryl Cole. He was practically shouting from the rooftops that he wanted to rest his pubeless ballsack upon her beautiful Geordie chin. Then he made a right dick of himself when, live ON THE TELEVISION, he made a phone with his hand and said "call me" to Cheryl, as viewers all over the country projectile vommed all over the place. (Cher Lloyd, of course, was just happy to have an excuse to be sick.)

Then Cheryl appeared on Alan Carr's chat show a few weeks ago and, apart from proving that she is a bit of a bore, happened to mention that she hadn't had any dick in absolutely ages. I feel her pain. Except actually I don't because she could have any man she wants, whereas a guy I was dancing with at Eazy Street on Friday night for Kate's birthday (where Kate and I finally consummated our love with the world's most awkward kiss) broke away from me mid-dance to "try it on with that guy over there". Nice.

So anyway, Alan Carr went on to suggest to Cheryl that, if she was looking for someone to fill the void (or, indeed, fill her fanny) she need look no further than The Biebs himself, but Cheryl seemed less than impressed saying she might be interested "if she were 16".

It seems that this public rejection has set El Biebero in a right foul mood, and when asked about taking Cheryl out recently in an interview with Heat magazine, he said: "That would be illegal 'cos she's, like, too old". So basically, The Biebs is trying to make it out like 28-year-old Cheryl is a relentless cougar and he is little more than a defenceless cherub, rather than a hormone-crazed teenager out for anything he can push his tiny erection into.

2. 2011 is going to be good if you like Nicki Minaj. (Twitter)


With photos from her future music video with Drake surfacing online recently, it looks like Nicki Minaj is back filming another big-name collaboration, this time with Princess RiRi herself, Rihanna.

The pair's duet Fly appears on Nicki's debut album Pink Friday (which is 90% amazing and 10% questionable) and it is quite good. It is not so good you'll shit your pants when you hear it, but it also isn't so bad that you'll want to kill your firstborn. It's comfortably in the middle, leaning towards good.

It also has quite good lyrics in the rap cos she goes: "I am not a girl who can ever be defined" and I just think "yes" when I hear that line.

LOOK WHAT RIHANNA PUT ON HER TWITTER THOUGH:


It's a photo from the set of the Fly video! It looks like Nicki Minaj is finally going to get herself a hit here in the UK when this one comes out, which is more than she deserves as she is an absolute star.

Rihanna, meanwhile, clearly cannot spell as she posted this Tweet, joking about rumours that she and Minaj had plans to move in together:

Rihanna has a point, Nicki's enormous breasts must be difficult to resist. Here's what she replied:



THEN RIHANNA REPLIED WITH THIS ABSOLUTE CORKER OF A TWEET:

Literally--- amazing. Rihanna is clearly hilarious. Then Kelly Osbourne said this:

AMAZZZZZZZZZZZING.

3. The country has decided to give Peter Andre an award. (Digital Spy)

For fucks sake. The people of Great Britain voted for David Cameron to be Prime Minister, then for Matt Cardle to win The X Factor and now this...Peter Andre has been voted the hardest worker in the music industry.

Apparently the way he's managed to juggle his public divorce with having a family and a career shows that Perfect Pete is the model hard worker. Fucking hell, he releases one mediocre single from each of the unlistenable albums he puts out and then does fuck all. Lady GaGa spent the entire of 2010 on the never-ending Monster Ball Tour, which has a stop in basically every country ever. It will probably be the first gig to travel to Neptune, such is the power of the Monster Ball. Not just that, she also chucked out two hour-long music videos and performed at award ceremonies here there and everywhere, each time outdoing herself in what she wore, culminating in a dress made entirely of meat that got the entire world talking.

BUT PETER ANDRE WROTE A SONG FOR HARVEY.

Fucks sake.

Right I'm done
Laters!
Don't forget to listen online: Pride Radio 2pm-4pm every Sunday!

2 comments:

  1. Every time you post that Kelly Osbourne tweet I literally go into hysterics.

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  2. This makes me happy. I'm going to try and include it in every blog of 2011 (not really OBV that would get old fast and people would see it coming) YOU KNOW ME I LIKE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE (hence why Im appearing in court next week) (not really) xxx

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