Monday, 27 December 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

So I've literally just posted the first part of my End Of Year singles countdown. Hope you're all enjoying reading that. If you're not then fuck you. If you are, fantastic news. My friend Sophie found my most recent Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup boring. To make it more interesting, here is a photo of her pissed:

This is known as "teaching someone a lesson". Celebrities have been doing stuff and here is some of that stuff:

1. Will and Grace are going skiing. (The Mirror)

So I was telling you about how Cheryl Cole had snubbed Derek Hough and gone back home to Newcastle for the holidays. Who can blame her, eh? Wonder if she was in the mad Eldon Square sale today? I can just see her in the stampede to break down the door of JJB Sports, can't you...?

Well anyway, to make it up to Derek reports are saying that the two of them are off to a private villa in the Rocky Mountains for a romantic skiing break. That is, it would be romantic if they were a couple. Which presumably they aren't, because Cheryl doesn't have the right equipment AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SKIING EQUIPMENT. I'm talking about having a dick. Because that's what Derek wants.

Can I just say, I am so hypocritical about the way I go on about Derek Hough, I go on and on about how sexuality doesn't matter and if someone says they aren't gay you just have to accept they aren't gay, and to be honest he isn't even that camp, is he? In the new year I am going to turn over a new leaf like Perez Hilton did and start being nice about celebrities. However, 2011 isn't here yet, so I presume this is what Cheryl and Derek will be like, getting ready to go away to their ski lodge:

2. Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd Cher Lloyd... (Perez Hilton)

I bet you've got an opinion on Cher Lloyd. I bet it. You know them people who go "I'm like Marmite, you either love me or you hate me" and you look at them and go "actually I couldn't give a fuck about you, mate"? Well Cher Lloyd is not one of those people, she was put on this Earth for you to form an opinion about her and discuss her.

Some geeks somewhere have done up the totals and it turns out Cher Lloyd is the most discussed new celebrity of 2010. This is hardly surprising, for the last six months I've done nothing but talk about her, and it seems that people on social networking sites, blogs, YouTube and the written press can't keep their opinions to themselves about her either. Pretty impressive, especially given that she beat the actual X Factor winner Matt Cardle to the post, but that's not exactly difficult as he's so devoid of personality it's practically impossible to form an opinion about him, isn't it?

3. Here is another news story about Cher Lloyd. (Twitter)

To prove the point I just made about Cher Lloyd being discussed constantly over 2010, let the cat out of the bag on Twitter this week that he and the 17-year-old have already recored a collaboration together. As you can see, it's a smasher:

Wow. A smasher. Presumably it's not a cover of My Humps as Cher's starvation diet has already wasted away what could be described as "lady lumps" leaving behind the body of a ten-year-old boy and the face of a sixty-year-old man. I am kidding, of course, I adore Cher Lloyd.

Mr. I.Am then went on to tweet that the day after this year's X Factor final, the two went into the studio together in London and "made a mega smasher". I hope he is talking about a song, rather than a giant poo, that's all I can say.

And now for a North East special...

LOCAL NEWS: Could Joe McElderry be the Eldon Square tramp? (Twitter)

In a spot of local news, for those of us who come from the great North East, it wasn't just who was spilling the beans over Twitter today, as Joe McElderry did a post revealing more than he might have intended:

Now I don't know about you folks, but there's only one thing I associate with Eldon Square. And that's the Eldon Square Tramp. You know who I mean. Broad. Bearded. Overpowering odour. And suddenly Joe reveals that he's been donning a disguise to blend in around Eldon Square... could it be that Joe McElderry is the Eldon Square tramp?

Let's consider the fact, we know little about the Eldon Square Tramp's backstory. They're both local celebrities. And have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? No you haven't. Mind you, even if Joe isn't the Eldon Square Tramp, he could well be the next best thing the way his album's bombed...

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

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