Wednesday, 15 December 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It might interest you to hear that I am blogging naked today. I have just got out of the shower, you see, and it seems as good a time as any to write a Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup. It is.

1. Matt did what we all wanted to do. (Heatworld)

So a few days ago I blogged about what I thought was the most interesting part of Matt Cardle's winning performance, Harry Styles whispering in Matt's ear about how much "pussy" he was going to get, but it turns out even more hilarious shit than that was going down. When Aiden Grimshaw made a dick of himself by running onto the stage and grabbing Matt for a big ol' hug (there must have been some class of mixup wherein Aiden actually thought Matt was me), Matt accidentally clocked his mentor Dannii Minogue in the face.

"Aye right", you're saying. "As if that would happen".

Yeah well, it did. Would you like to see a video of Dannii Minogue being clocked in the face? The obvious answer is yes. Bring it:

Good job it wasn't Cheryl Cole, she'd have whacked him right back. Of course, if you want to see this year's X Factor's best punch, look no further:


2. Miley Cyrus provokes a boost in drug sales. (NME)

So after the Miley Cyrus video leaked last week loads of people were umm-ing and ahhh-ing about how Miley was a bad influence, and if her young fans saw her experimenting with drugs they might be provoked to do the same. And the general response was "kids aren't that stupid, leave poor Miley alone she's a young girl enjoying herself". Her rep was quick to add that the drug she was taking was salvia, which it turns out isn't actually illegal.

Thing is, though, since the video leaked online last week sales of saliva have gone through the roof, which just goes to show that stars like Miley Cyrus really do have more influence than we think, and need to be careful about what footage of themselves gets leaked to the media, because people do copy them. Drug farms in LA are even reporting that customers aren't even asking for salvia, but rather "whatever it was Miley was smoking", which I find really disturbing.

Drugs aren't cool, kids. Have an apple instead.

3. Aye so it turns out Cher Lloyd is a proper bitch. (OK!)

So after the series ended over the weekend, the contestants from this year's X Factor got together to throw the wrap party. Imagine an X Factor Christmas party. Mary Byrne chasing John Adeleye round with mistletoe; Katie Waissel getting pissed and flashing her tits to get attention; members of One Direction awkwardly waking up in bed together...

It turns out not everyone was having a jolly time at the party though, as fourth place contestant Cher Lloyd was apparently in one of her strops. I've taken stories about Cher having an attitude with a pinch of salt, because I know people don't like her which means the papers have to cater to haters (spitting rhymes, me) and make up shit about her. But apparently at this party when approached by Louis Walsh, the teenager said "The series is over, I don't have to talk to you anymore so fuck off". Between Matt Cardle punching his mentor in the face and Cher telling Louis to fuck off, it wasn't a good night to be an X Factor judge. Next I'll be hearing that Nicolo Festa did a poo in a box and sent it to Cheryl Cole, while Diva Fever cut the brakes on Simon Cowell's car...

So anyway, I just assumed this story was a load of shit, until Louis put this on his Twitter yesterday:

Amazing. Am I the only one who can't wait for next year's X Factor, especially with no Big Brother to bridge the gap? Probably not, you all have lives, don't you? :(

That's your lot.
I'm still naked.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know if they can top the gorgeousness of Aiden and Nicolo next year. I hope they don't do another UK one and we just see the more global one in the US that is on the cards. Bit bored of it all now.
    Cher makes me want to vom.