Friday, 26 November 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Before I go any further, I'd just like to draw your attention to a response to my most recent Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup, which featured the watery new videos from Cheryl Cole and Joe McElderry:

Amazing.

So anyway Friday used to mean only one thing, it was time to look back over the past seven days of celebrity news. Due to a strange mix of laziness and eagerness, celebrity roundups are now a free-for-all that I'm shooting out at the rate at which Holly Willoughby shoots out babies (ie. You never know when there's one coming and all of a sudden there's another one), and so let's have a look at what those crazy famous folk are up to this time...

1. Is this still funny? Yes? Excellent. (The Sun)


Gillian McKeith is still unknowingly destroying what little credibility she had with her stint on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here with her erratic, frustrating and sometimes quite frightening behaviour. I'm still not watching the show because insects and worms and kangaroo testicles knock me sick, but you can't swing a dick these days without hearing someone talking about Crazy Gillian.

Since last we spoke about her, she's fainted about a hundred times which has prompted people to claim she's faking as she's fine a minute later. Now I'm going to share a story with you all. One time I fainted in Biology and about a second later I felt fine. So to avoid people thinking that I was faking the faint (which I wasn't) I decided to, you know, milk it. Ironically, this is one of the few things I've ever done that wasn't for attention, instead I didn't want people to think the initial faint was faked, so ironically I decided to fake the aftermath. No one has ever questioned whether or not the faint was genuine so I must have done alright with my lies. My point is; it is possible to faint and then feel fine immediately afterwards. Shame Gillian wasn't as smart as me, really, now she's got everyone talking about her.

The main reason she hit headlines this week was because, after being put in the "Jungle Jail" Gillian threw a proper strop and told producers she had to return to camp because WAIT FOR IT she was pregnant. What a dick.

She was also reprimanded by producers of the show this week after it was revealed that she had smuggled various contraband food into the camp in her Marks and Spencers briefs. Apparently she stitched all kinds of stuff including spices (how exotic) to the lining of her knickers in order to keep her sustenance up while on the show. What a bell end.

2. A year on and Kanye West continues to make things worse for himself. (Perez Hilton)


There should be a member of Kanye West's staff employed to follow him around and say "shh" in the style of a school librarian every time he is about to land himself in hot water. I swear the man goes out of his way to make himself disliked. It seems Kanye West is sick of looking like the bad guy with regards to the whole VMAs 2009 incident (where he grabbed the microphone off Taylor Swift and announced to the crowd that she didn't deserve her award and it should have gone to Beyoncé) so rather than leaving it in the past and giving us something new to talk about, he's making it his mission to re-write history.

Apparently, the rapper was disappointed that Taylor never once tried to defend him whenever she was quizzed about the incident. Instead, he felt victimised by the teen star, and told the crowd at his surprise gig in New York last night he thought she "rode the waves and rode it and rode it and rode it".

Really, Kanye? You're wondering why she didn't leap to your defence? Perhaps it's because she was a 19-year-old girl at the 2009 VMAs, living her dream- and you made her face go from this...


...to this...


Really, Kanye, no one is ready to forgive you yet. If I were you I'd keep schtum about the whole thing. Of course if I were you I'd never have grabbed Taylor Swift's microphone off her, but I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree about that one as well.

3. Prossie nana is not ashamed of anything. (Daily Mail)


I feel really bad for Katie Waissel, you know. Her future in The X Factor is hanging by a thread, and suddenly the shameful way her grandmother has gone on has made the front pages. As I reported a few days ago, the Waissel family issued a statement saying they had nothing more to say on the matter. Unfortunately, the prostitute gran in question Sheila Vogel clearly feels she hasn't dragged her family's name enough into the mud, and gave an interview to The Sun newspaper saying she's not ashamed of anything and didn't care if she's ruined her grand-daughter's chances of success.

What's great about blogging as opposed to the news writing I do at Uni is that I don't have to be impartial here, which is fantastic because I think Sheila Vogel is a disgusting low-life. I'm not judging her choices, if she wants to sell herself for sex at the age of 81 then who am I to stop her? But to give an interview to a national newspaper saying "I love my job and I love sex" and that Simon Cowell is welcome to fuck her any time is pretty despicable if you ask me, knowing fine well the effects it will have on your family who have suddenly been catapulted into the public eye.

"I could go on for years yet," says Vogel, who also claims that being a prostitute keeps her young, "Why should I stop?" How about because you're embarrassing everyone around you, but most of all you're embarrassing yourself, you old slag.

Another reason to hate old people if you ask me. Katie's not the only X Factor contestant she's hurting with her refusal to give up prostitution. Poor old Chloe Maffia has practically no clients left. Meanwhile, she's left poor old Wagner penniless...

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.
Don't be jealous of my boogie!
Yee-haw!

2 comments:

  1. Today may be my proudest...I'm defo showing my mother this feature when I get home.

    Love the post, as ever!

    x

    ReplyDelete