Tuesday, 12 October 2010

An Open Letter To Gay Teenagers.


Hello, I don't know how you found this blog. Perhaps you stumbled upon it when trying to access gay pornography, or looking for a light-hearted read about celebrity gossip. Usually I'm very accommodating with that sort of thing, but there's something pretty rubbish going on in the gay world right now, and I'm gonna have a bit of a serious sit down moment if that's alright with you.

In the past few weeks, just to my knowledge, at least five young gay people have ended their lives because they couldn't take the pressures on them for being gay. Some of them were being bullied, some of them were scared of rejection from their families and peers, some of them just couldn't accept it themselves. It's absolutely shite. It completely knocks the wind out of me, I'm absolutely sickened that this sort of thing is still allowed to go on. The worst thing is that it's something that I, and so many gay people, can relate to. The chances are, we've been there ourselves.

I didn't fit in at school. I wasn't popular and for a long time I'm ashamed to admit I hated myself. I don't really like to talk about it because...well why would I? But it's safe to say that in my Catholic school in the North East of England I was not exactly welcomed with open arms and I didn't have many friends. And truthfully, I got hounded quite a bit. I'd remember times where I would walk from one end of the schoolyard to another and count the number of people who approached me just to take the piss out of me. It was really, really awful. And it is the sort of thing that stays with you. A few months ago someone who used to mock me and call me a faggot came into my work and chatted to me as if everything was OK, and nothing had gone on between us at all, and literally I felt like I was a limp-wristed 15 years old in my PE shorts and braces on my teeth again. And it is the worst feeling in the world.

The worst of it is, back then I felt like I had no one to talk to. I didn't know any other gay people, and I couldn't talk to my parents about it because then I'd have to tell them I was gay. So I had to keep all of this sadness and anger and resentment inside. I remember coming home from school once, crying and crying and crying, and I couldn't tell my mam why. And when you keep all that in, it starts to point inward, and you start to hate yourself and blame yourself for what's going on. If enough people make you feel worthless, you start to believe it. And so you feel angry. You feel embarrassed. You feel silly. And that's what's happened to these poor teenagers all over the world who feel like the only escape from it all is killing themselves. Thankfully, I admit, things never got that bad with me, but they could have.

So if you're reading this and you're one of those poor souls who feel like you have nowhere to turn, and the whole world is on your shoulders and you can't take the person you seem to be turning into then I have news for you: it gets better. It's a cliché, of course it fucking is, but I promise you it does. I assure you, folks, the sooner you accept the person you are the sooner you can learn to love your life. One day you'll walk away from it all a stronger person, and the people who took the piss out of you will look at themselves and see what fucking losers they are. The whole thing is a test, and once you pass it and it's nothing but an ugly memory, I promise you'll look ahead and wonder how such lowlives could ever make you feel bad about yourself.

And if you're reading this and you know in your heart that you've given someone a hard time because of who they are, then take a good hard look at yourself. What the fuck is wrong with you? To you it's a joke, it's banter, it's something to make your friends laugh. But what about the person you're degrading and humiliating? Just think carefully before you act. You fucking loser.

Back to you, beautiful gay boys and girls. If some arsehole is making you feel shit, you don't have to put up with it. It might feel like you're powerless, and right now you might be, but the more you listen to the people telling you you're worthless the more you'll start to believe it's true, and I fucking promise you it isn't. What's happening to you isn't your fault, you aren't bringing it on yourself, all you're doing by keeping going is showing how brave you are. Please, though, before you do anything stupid, please talk to someone. If you're comfortable enough to talk to one of your parents about it, then go for it. If not, think of someone else. A close friend, one of the cooler teachers-- even if worse comes to worst and you really feel like there's no one, there's always a professional you can talk to at the other end of the phone. Please, before you do anything stupid, please keep in mind what I'm going to say now.

I once stood where you are now, and I'll admit it's not always easy. But you do come through it, and right now I wouldn't want my life any other way. I have great friends who understand me, I get to go to the best clubs and dance to the best music. I get to know that I'm a better person, and that if life decides to rain shit on me I can just put up my parasol and stay there until it's clear. My classmates are Alan Carr and Joe McElderry and Gok Wan and Adam Lambert and Ellen DeGeneres and Jake Shears and Darren Hayes and Neil Tennant and Jane Lynch and Lady GaGa-- and let me tell you they've all gone through it and come out stronger at the other side as well. I promise you- it does get better.

I put this on Twitter a few weeks ago, and I echo it once again:


Show those fuckers what you're made of. Chin up. We're beautiful and better than the fucking lot of them :)

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9 comments:

  1. Oh, so that made my cry. It really did.

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  2. Your blog frequently makes me cry. Just not from my eyes. xx

    SERIOUSLY THOUGH THANK YOU FOR THAT LOVELY COMMENT.

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  3. Oh my god. You are an amazing writer. Fuck Catlin Moran you should be up for a stonewall prize.

    That was beautiful.

    Xx

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  4. Beautiful stuff babes. Love youuuu xxxxx

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  5. Brilliant blog, i'm proud of you for embracing this topic daniel as so many people are too scared to even think about it never mind talk about. XXX

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  6. Beautiful Daniel! This is fantastic, and thank you so much for speaking up! xx

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