Monday, 25 October 2010

Big Gay Monday: Cheryl Cole.

The most famous woman in Britain right now is Cheryl Cole. We watch her on The X Factor, we listen to her music and we gossip about her personal life. We've seen her smacking a toilet attendant and we've seen absolute tramps shagging her husband. We've seen her climbing Kilimanjaro and we've seen her on her potential death bed. Everyone has an opinion on Cheryl Cole, and if you ask me she's bloody fantastic. Because it's Big Gay Monday, I am now going to tell you why. As if you don't already know.

First off, Cheryl Cole makes up 20% of Girls Aloud, who have probably contributed more hits important to the gay community than any other British act in the last 10 years. I was once off my face at my ex-boyfriend's house and could recognise Cheryl's sharp intake of breath at the start of Sexy! No, No, No even though he'd turned it over by the time the vocals had started, such is the importance of Girls Aloud in the gay community. Neil Tennant wrote a song for them, Paul O'Grady cannot praise them enough and they got their own Attitude cover after the release of their most recent album. Think hard about it, though. Wake Me Up. Biology. Untouchable. None of those gorgeous pop songs would have been possible without Cheryl Cole. In fact I once got off with a beautiful boy at Powerhouse while Love Machine was on and drunkenly told him "you're so fit you should be on Hollyoaks". This moment would have been not even half as magical had it not been for the musical accompaniment by Cheryl and the girls.

Similarly, since the hiatus of Girls Aloud, Cheryl has been behind yet more hits in gay bars all over the country. Just days ago I had a euphoric "arms in the air" moment during Joe McElderry's Ambitions while my friend Kate argued with a DJ who wouldn't let her sing into his microphone, and who was behind that song at the end of the day? Ms Cheryl Cole and her good mentoring. Can you tell me that you don't love Alexandra Burke's Broken Heels? All Night Long? BLOODY BAD BLOODY BOYS?? Once again, you've got Cheryl to thank for that. After all, had Louis Walsh been mentoring Alexandra Burke, Christ knows what kind of shite he'd have had her singing. Let's compare Louis Walsh's past X Factor alumni- The MacDonald Brothers, Jedward, Wagner- with Cheryl Cole's- Diana Vickers, Alexandra Burke, Cher Lloyd. No contest, really. People go on about Cheryl Cole as if she is silly and that her contribution to the world is minimal, but realistically Fight For This Love was probably the best song released last year, and she is just a fantastic popstar. Her album got kind of slated, but I bloody love it.

Let's get personal for a moment. There's all these campaigns about "real" women. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. If you ask me, fuck the size debate, they don't come any more real than Cheryl Cole. We've all seen the rough times she's had in her personal life but Cheryl- until the Piers Morgan interview which aired on Saturday night- had remained in dignified silence and not given any magazine interviews about her life falling apart. Contrast this to people like Katie Price and Kerry Katona who can't wipe their arse without telling OK! magazine about it. The girl is not from the best background, she's had to work hard to get where she is today. Cheryl Cole isn't some airhead who sits down and shuts up. Last year Dermot O'Leary asked how she felt that her act had been sent home she muttered "The fact that Rikki [who?] is going home and John & Edward [phwoar!] are still here..." before Dermot interjected. Even when married to Ashley she refused to associate with the other "WAGs" and is on record saying she hates the title.

It's not just mild feminism that Cheryl promotes though. In an interview with Attitude magazine she lauded Chris Moyles for having used the word "gay" in a negative way, claiming it's only going to make it harder for young boys to come out of the closet. Or as Cheryl herself said: "How fucking disgusting. DICK". She's not stuffing it down our throats like certain popstars would, but Cheryl loves her gays. And the gays bloody love her. And why shouldn't they? She's beautiful, she's articulate and if someone started on you in a bar she'd clock them in the mouth for you. And that's that.



  1. completely agree. Although I wish you had used a different picture for the last one as it just reminds me of that VILE TATTOO ARGH JUST GET IT REMOVED CHERYL PLEASE. xx

  2. Right, I hate the tattoo as well. It's cheap and it's nasty. But at the end of the day, she used to be the biggest charv in all the land. And I like that that minging tattoo is always there to remind her of her time being a tramp in Newcastle xx