Monday, 20 September 2010

Big Gay Monday: Morrissey.

I fucking love Morrissey, and have been wanting to write a Big Gay Monday about him for some time. However, as is often the case with my blog-writing these days, I couldn't be arsed. These Big Gay Monday things have to be planned, before I write them I have to sit down and think about why I think these things are so mint and give examples of how they're relevant to gay culture otherwise I end up writing an absolute pile of incoherent nonsense that people won't want to read, and I don't want that at all because on the contrary to what my laziness and nonchalance towards it may suggest, I really do love this blog and I like that people seem to enjoy reading it. Just a week ago I was proud to find that someone from school I rarely if ever spoke to had it in the bookmarks of her phone YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE (apols for being so drunk when we spoke, as well). But as I lie here on my bed, laptop on my knee, irritable from the heat of this house and the fact it's now 48 hours since I've been outside, I think it's time to chat on about why Morrissey is such an important candidate for Big Gay Monday. You might think he is quite an unusual choice, but hear me out.

You're not right in the head and nor am I and this is why I like you.

For starters, the indie scene may herald Morrissey as their leaders, wearing their battered Smiths t-shirts under their charity shop denim shirts (SOMEONE SOUND THE HYPOCRISY ALARM PLEASE) but the campness of the music of The Smiths (and, eventually, Morrissey's solo efforts) can not be lost on these people. The man sings non-stop of tragedy and melodrama in his life, he essentially follows on from Judy Garland and Édith Piaf. If he's not crooning about something, he's whining about something else and that's what makes Morrissey such an icon; he doesn't feel things by halves. He isn't sad, he's devastated; he isn't angry, he's fucking outraged; he isn't annoyed, he's bloody well disgusted. Of course this does mean that sometimes he says things he doesn't mean and ends up looking like a bell end, but such is life when you're an extremist. Truthfully, I wouldn't want Morrissey any other way, he's just a passionate guy. And isn't that what being a true gay icon is really about- passion?

Without wanting to pretend I'm someone who knows what he's talking about when it comes to music (I did just shell out £30 to go and see James Blunt in February), another reason I love Morrissey is his lyrics. I genuinely believe that, alongside Neil Tennant of Pet Shop Boys and Rufus Wainwright, Morrissey is one of the greatest lyricists of the past 30 years seemingly without trying. He expresses real emotion by saying, you know, stuff people actually say. There's no "oh baby yeah", no real poetry to mask what he really means, he just sings (presumably) what he's feeling, or at the very least what we're meant to think he's feeling when he performs. His music includes everything we gays like to revel in-- exaggerated romance, twisted humour and utter tragedy; and then there's This Charming Man which is just good to have a bop to.

I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does.

Alright, pretentious stuff aside it can not be denied that there is something very sexy about a young Morrissey. Maybe it's the fact that he always seemed so troubled, his moody expression and his sad eyes. And then he'll do a sort of half-smile as if he was only joking the whole time. MY LORD. I just love him. Maybe that's just me. And then when we delve into his personal life there's the fact that he's never confirmed or denied that he is gay, with songs like Hand In Glove and You Have Killed Me supposedly masking homosexual imagery. More intriguingly still, when The Smiths were at their height, Morrissey was celibate and told interviewers that he was "asexual".

One of my favourite things about Morrissey is that he has this absolutely grotesque sense of humour. He has that urge to shock people like the more flamboyant characters of Madonna and Lady GaGa, but just because he's more subtle doesn't make him any less of a provocateur. His recent comments about the Chinese people were clearly not meant with the maliciousness the media rehashed them with, I think Morrissey just wanted a few monocles to fall into a few cocktail glasses. More importantly, he's just a big bitch! He was once going on about Madonna and said: "I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that African boy she adopted into a coat and wore him for 15 minutes, then threw it away." How grotesque. I fucking love him.

Sweetness, I was only joking.

There's more, I'm just going to list reasons Morrissey is amazing. He sings songs about completely mundane things but makes them beautiful (something only someone from the North of England can truly perfect, again see Neil Tennant for more). He likes animals more than people and therefore doesn't hold back with his scathing remarks. People copied his hair (is there really a greater mark of a gay icon than that?) He's influenced artists you would never even have considered like Girls Aloud, Scissor Sisters and Lady GaGa. Russell Brand has a cat named after him.

Look, Morrissey is just the best. And if you disagree then fuck off, you're wrong.


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