Friday, 13 August 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.


You there! Would you like to hear about some famous people doing some things you might have heard about already but you may well not have? Seven days have passed since the last Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup and now it is Friday again and it's time for some more, innit...?

1. Britney Spears has gone out with no knickers on. (Perez Hilton)


You probably know that I am as big a Britney Spears fan as you are ever likely to encounter. I love her music, she is a beautiful lady and I would absolutely love to meet her. I think she's inspiring. That said, we can all pretend we live in a world where everyone has good intentions and pure thoughts, or we can all be honest. I'll go first: Britney is far more interesting when there's horrible shit going on in her life.

There are generally symptoms that Britney is going off it, and Britney's issues all stem from control. There aren't many things in Britney's life she actually can control, she sees her kids when the court says it's OK and she goes out when her dad says it's OK. So what does Britney do when she feels she's losing control? She goes out with no undies on...


Well would you look at that, it's Britney's arse hanging out of a shirt/dress. I'll tell you one thing, though. Her legs are looking mint. I would. Seriously, folks, we all love it when Britney is doing well and looking fantastic, but it's white-trash behaviour like this that really fill my heart with BritBrit love.

2. Rod Stewart's spunk is far from redundant. (The Sun)

Do You Think I'm Sexy?

The chances are that unless you are my friend Kate, you probably wouldn't fancy having sex with Rod Stewart. I'll tell you what it is, though, somebody must be up for it because he is about to become a father for the eighth bloody time. Jesus Christ, Rod. If Jeremy Kyle were here he'd tell you to put something on the end of it, so he would!

This week Hot Rod and his gorgeous wife Penny Lancaster announced that she is carrying the 65-year-old's baby. The baby is due this March which will precede Penny's 40th birthday (that woman does not like 40, good for her).

Watch yourselves, though, ladies. It seems that Rod Stewart is the most fertile man since Steve from Big Brother, it's more than likely you can get pregnant by him just by being in the same room. I saw him live in May, as it happens, and I had to treat myself to a ClearBlue afterwards. I'm not saying what the results were, but what I will say is that I have lower back pain and tender nipples...

3. Robbie Williams's bridesmaids are utter dogs. (Hello!)

He's loving Ayda instead...

After a lifetime of shagging nonstop desperate women from Geri Haliwell to Nicole Appleton, someone has finally made an honest man of Robbie Williams as he got married this week.

We all know Robbie isn't really crazy about the media (ironically, the media may be the only thing Robbie is not crazy about because he is seemingly more mental than a box of frogs) so as a little tease to the press, Robbie and bride Ayda Field only publicly acknowledged the ceremony the day before it took place. In fact, to prevent guests spilling the beans to the media, they were told they were attending a James Bond-themed wedding until hours before the ceremony took place. This also meant that no stag do took place, which is probably for the best seeing how Robbie is addicted to everything under the sun, and we there's only two ways to have fun without alcohol, and that's either Scrabble or wanking.

The wedding also contained a rendition of Robbie's hit Angelswhich, truthfully, is bad enough at anyone's wedding but is coated in an extra layer of tack considering it was his own. More unconventionally still, the couple decided to opt out of having a best man (Jonathan Wilkes must have been past himself) or bridesmaids, with Robbie and Ayda's eight dogs preceded the couple down the aisle. The idea of having dogs as bridesmaids had previously been used by Katie Price at her wedding to Peter Andre, where bridesmaids included Kerry Katona and Michelle Heaton...

4. Teri Hatcher is proud of her aging face. (Perez Hilton)

EXCLUSIVE: Click here for the unairbrushed version of this photo...

You might think that Teri Hatcher is famous for having one of the most unmoving faces in all of Hollywood thanks to a certain Vitamin Bo. But she is desperate (get it?) to prove to you that this is not the case.

Teri took to her Facebook page this week (naturally) and posted photos of herself to prove that she was not full of botox. She insists that she's proud of her wrinkles and is no longer a user of Botox, which everyone from Dannii Minogue to Katie Price have admitted dabbling with in the past. Would you like to see aforementioned pictures...?

Lovely. I dunno what people are talking about, anyway. Teri Hatcher is full of facial expression. Let's see her looking shocked:

And perplexed:
And sad:
And angry:
GIVE THE WOMAN AN OSCAR!!

5. Oh, George. (BBC)

Sort it out, mate.

Taxi for George Michael! And I mean that quite literally, because it seems like every time the singer gets behind the wheel all Hell breaks loose. I'm not known for my good driving, speeding around corners in fourth gear and crawling down the streets of Hebburn at 10mph, but it's good to know that I'm not the worst homosexual driver in the UK as George Michael could be facing up to three months in prison for possession of cannabis and driving under the influence.

Come along, though, it's not like he hasn't had his share of warnings, surely it's about time he actually paid the price for putting members of the public at such high risk, after he crashed his car into a branch of camera shop Snappy Snaps (LOL!) last July.

Dear George,

You're making the rest of us look bad. Next time you feel the need to stick a spliff in your mouth, find something else to suck on (but do it in the privacy of your own home, please).

Love,
(Silly Old) Daniel xx

George Michael wouldn't be the first celebrity to go to jail for DUI this year, as fellow hot mess Lindsay Lohan previously served a 13-day sentence for driving while absolutely off her face. Maybe the two of them should get together for a coffee, provided the whole thing wouldn't turn into a game of Wacky Races...

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup
Yee-haw!

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