Friday, 25 June 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.


I'm single again. Here is the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup...

1. A ginger does a rap. (Digital Spy)

Gingers don't rap.

There is nothing so awkward as when someone thinks they can rap and they just can not. We've all sat through an awkward rap at some point or another, and if you haven't then I promise it is just around the corner. The only thing that could make a shite rap even worse would be if the person performing it was ginger. Because ginger people simply aren't made to be rap, or even be involved in rap music.

The Harry Potter theme park opened this week and Rupert Grint got up and entertained the crowd with a Beastie Boys number alongside his co-stars whose names I neither know nor care about. Reports say that- presumably because the performer onstage was ginger- the rap was awkward and uncomfortable, with members of the crowd left covering their ears with their hands.

Let this be a lesson to you, ginger readers of my blog. We downtrodden members of society need to stick together. But you are not meant to rap.
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2. El Biebero wants a woman with a brain in her head. (Perez Hilton)

Idiots need not apply.

Good news for teenage girls and sexually confused teenage boys, Justin Bieber is still single! In an interview this week he dished the dirt on what kind of girl he's looking for, and Bieber ain't after no stick insect with no brain.

"What's the point of having a nice looking girlfriend if you can't talk to her?" asks Bieber. And he's right. Of course similarly who wants a girl who's going to start chatting on about quantum physics or the rainforest when all you're trying to do is finger her? No one, that's who.

As well as girls with no brains, El Biebero prefers his women with "no make up", insisting that some women look much better without makeup. We'll see how much he's eating his words this time in 5 years when he's fucking Paris Hilton.
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3. Helen Mirren gets her tits out. (Holy Moly)

From Helen with her Oscar...

No, unfortunately you did not misread that; Dame Helen Mirren was photographed this week with her tits out. The photoshoot for New York magazine sees the 64-year-old lying in a bath with her bare nipples clearly on show.

Now I don't want to be hypocritical here after defending Madonna as much as I have in the past, but surely there should come a point in every woman's life where she takes off her top, looks in the mirror and says "it's time to stop posing with my clothes off". Unfortunately for Helen Mirren, that day is yet to arrive. And, because I want to gross you out, here is the photo:

...to Helen with her not so Golden Globes (uncensored picture here, if you dare).

I didn't think it was possible, but looking at that picture has actually made me more gay. I'm all for her comedically getting them out in Calendar Girls but come on now. You're 64 now, Dame Helen. Time to cover them up.
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4. Kylie Minogue is gonna do Glastonbury. (NME)

Pretty.

Even I thought there was something wrong when I heard the news that Kylie Minogue is reportedly gracing the stage at Glastonbury this weekend. Surely she has a mediocre music video she could be filming, a toxin she could be pumping her face full of or an idea she could be stealing from Madonna somewhere?

However, it's not as it seems. Kylie's mate Jake Shears has invited her to join he and his band Scissor Sisters during their set at the festival for a performance of her not-number-1 single All The Lovers. I hope she wears her rain mac as she will no doubt be bombarded by bottles of warm piss. How unfortunate for her.

Speaking of Scissor/Kylie crossovers, Scissor Sisters performed All The Lovers on the Radio One Live Lounge this week and I thought it was an absolute load of bollocks. What do you think?:



What an absolute shower of shite.
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5. And finally... (Mirror)

HELLO? HELLO? I'M IN JAIL! HELLO???

Lady GaGa fell over in an airport this week. How funny. If only there had been a photographer nearby :(

OH WAIT THERE BLOODY WAS!!!!:

That was your Silly Old Daniel Cheap Laugh Of The Day.

And so ends another Celebrity Roundup!
Yee-haw, bitches!

2 comments:

  1. When did Jake Shears turn into Robbie Williams?

    ReplyDelete
  2. They've actualy always had similar voices when he's doing the falsetto vocals my mam's always said that :p x

    ReplyDelete