Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Heidi Hi.

Not quite the Living Doll Cliff had in mind...

In Swiss folklore, Heidi is the little orphan girl with a big heart. In real life, however, Heidi is the plastic surgery addict with the big tits. As a UK resident I don't have a lot to say about Heidi Montag. The Hills never really picked up over here like it did in America, and I didn't truthfully know anything about her until those post-surgery pictures of her were released to the public. The poor girl is only 23 and she's already a member of what Will & Grace's Karen Walker calls "the wax museum; where nothing every moves and people are always amazed at how lifelike you look". Sad sad sad she felt the need to do all this when she was perfectly fine before all the surgery. And, of course, anyone with a brain in their head can work out the one reason she did this: a man. While she's never outright admitted this, it's pretty much an established Hollywood fact she had all of her surgery to please her husband Spencer Pratt, who was essentially the Peter Andre to Montag's Katie Price.

I only just heard today that Speidi (Spencer and Heidi, gettit?) are getting divorced (I pride myself on being in the know with regards to celebrity gossip but, like I said before, Spencer and Heidi always manage to slip under my radar because I'm just not that interested in them) and for the first time since The Hills began, Heidi is keeping her personal life private. There's only one reason someone as fame-hungry as Heidi would do that, and that would be if she was genuinely heartbroken. And why shouldn't she be? She has changed her entire appearance for someone else, even her mother was "horrified" by Heidi's decision to alter the way she looks so drastically with Heidi claiming her mother barely recognised her anymore, and it was all for nothing.

The same thing happened to me, without the plastic surgery, when I was 17. I've gone on record several times as saying the one thing that pisses me off the most is when people underestimate me, or more specifically underestimate my intelligence. I'm not knocking down Mensa's door, of course, but there is a brain in my head and I'm not afraid to defend myself if people say otherwise (seriously; call me a faggot, call me two-faced, call me strange-looking but don't dare call me an idiot). This is why I made the decision to do an AS Level in Mathematics, I knew that years down the line when people were rolling their eyes when I brought Britney Spears or boys with nice bodies into the conversation I could follow it up with "so, let's talk calculus" and shut everyone up, their monocles falling into their Martini glasses.

However, once I'd finished my AS Level I knew in my heart that I'd had enough Maths and wanted to drop it in favour of English Literature. The boy I was dating at the time talked me out of it, as he had studied Maths, and said he'd be able to help me out as the year went on because he'd just finished it himself. Literally, a week later we were through and all I had left was a rebound gay and a schedule full of Maths revision. The lesson? Do what you want to do because at the end of the day when all is said and done, we're all on our own which is potentially quite a depressing notion, but you have to look for the positive in this idea and think "I am going to put myself first because at the end of the day nobody else is going to".

I mentioned in my last entry that I ran away to Leeds at the weekend. I was tired of thinking about everything going on around me and needed some time away from myself. Russell Brand has pointed out in his stand-up, and I am agreeing with him now, that this is a ridiculous idea because no matter who you try and escape from you're always going to be with yourself. Even in your must drug-riddled moments where you feel wrapped up in cotton wool and cut off from your surroundings (I do not speak from experience, just in case you're wondering I have never touched drugs because I'm off my fucking head enough as it is) you're always yourself no matter what. We can ignore our parents, ignore our friends, ignore our partners but the one voice we cannot ignore is our own.

So let's all learn something from Heidi Montag. We can try and live our lives for other people. We can try and change ourselves to make other people happy. We can go against what we believe in and compromise ourselves. But next time you find yourself doing all of this, take a step back, look around and ask yourself: "Why am I doing this?" Ask yourself: "What is it that I am gaining from all of this?" Next time you're doing something that makes you unhappy, shake your head and say "fuck it". And next time you're depriving yourself of something that will make you happy, knowing full well you deserve it, then just close your eyes, take a deep breath and go for it. Life is too fucking short to live it for other people, too many people in life make other people happy before themselves knowing full well there is no way the other person would do this for them.

I don't know Heidi Montag personally (obviously), and I know next to nothing about her. But I do know that her public mistakes are providing us all with an important lesson: don't let it get to the point where you look in the mirror and don't recognise yourself.


  1. I am in awe at how confident you are in yourself and your own abilities. I hope you feel better soon and I am always here if you need to chat to someone who is slightly removed from your life :) Take care of yourself! :)

    Maria xxx

  2. Daniel for PM! Very inspiring Daniel, it's great to see how amazing you've become! :)


  3. Christ imagine if I was bloody PM. After a week the headlines would read "UGLY PEOPLE BANISHED" lmao x

  4. I'm exactly the same. I hate being called stupid and whenever anyone dares imply it I throw my Maths A level in their face. I think self-validation is the only reason anyone would do Maths A level.

  5. a blog WITHOUT lady gaga, WITH russell brand? oh my.

  6. Here! I write a celebrity/gay-themed blog and she is the most famous woman and most relevant spokesperson for the LGBT community in the world at this moment in time-- leave my mentioning of GaGa alone! x