Saturday, 5 June 2010

...And I Liked It.

In this week's Celebrity Roundup I mentioned that Miley Cyrus had pissed me off with her "lesbian kiss" on Britain's Got Talent. I ended up getting so pissed off and irate that I thought Miley's "lesbian kiss" probably deserved its own blog post, which you're reading now. For those who gave it a miss, or just want to watch it again, here is Miley Cyrus performing Can't Be Tamed:

I put "lesbian kiss" in inverted commas because the kiss wasn't real. It was totally fake and designed to look as such. It was more an implied kiss than anything else. In which case, why bother? It's as if Miley wanted to show us that she was up for a spot of lesbian kissing, but we weren't going to get to see any of it. In other words, she was being a prick tease. And I find this sort of thing completely offensive. For Miley Cyrus, pretending to kiss a girl on the telly is a way of getting in the paper, and six weeks later everyone will be over it and she has to think of something new to BLOW! US! AWAY! with. But for thousands upon thousands upon thousands (upon thousands) of people, it's not something to be gazed at; it's not a performance; it's not attention seeking-- it's their life. And I am one of those people. And to be frank, I find it totally insulting that Miley Cyrus would use a fake same-sex kiss as a way of raising eyebrows and gaining exposure in one of the few countries in the world where she is not a total megastar.

What I suspect is that Miley saw the attention that Adam Lambert received for his same-sex kiss during a sexually provocative performance at the AMA music awards. Thing is, though, that was a totally different thing all together. For one thing, Adam is an actual out and proud gay man. I'm not going to be naive and say that Adam kissed that man and put on such a sexual show for any reason other than attention, but he did bring forward a really important issue via the backlash he received-- why are people so uncomfortable seeing a gay man expressing themselves sexually when young women do this sort of thing all the time. Nobody bats an eyelid when Pussycat Dolls writhe around wearing next to nothing, or Christina Aguilera releases a single drenched in euphemisms dedicated to her vagina. But two men kiss at an awards ceremony and suddenly the entire country is up in arms. Even if it wasn't his intention, Adam Lambert exposed a complete double-standard with his AMA performance, and I honestly believe future generations of gay men owe him one.

Nasty cigarette burn waiting to happen.

Similarly, Lady GaGa has been in the spotlight for kissing women in the videos for LoveGame and Telephone in another act of blatant attention seeking. But once again, this isn't a Miley-esque act of prick-teasing to get the boys too look at her. Look at the woman GaGa is kissing. That woman is, to use a word I utterly despise, a dyke. I've said it before, but I really think that with the Telephone video lesbian scene, Lady GaGa was giving same-sex kissing back to lesbians, after attention-seeking straight girls tried to pass it off as their own. The Telephone kiss scene is not wank-fodder it is meant to be down and dirty. And, more importantly, GaGa didn't pretend to kiss this woman. She opened her mouth and she went for it. It was meant to be realistic. Again, I think lesbians owe Lady GaGa a beer or something for that sort of thing.

People like Miley Cyrus have been thoughtlessly implying same-sex kissing as a way of appearing sexually liberated for too long now. It's almost two years now since Katy Perry set tongues wagging (pardon the pun) with her single I Kissed A Girl which tore the gay community in two as to whether or not Katy Perry was exploiting the gay community by glamourising same-sex kissing, or whether or not she was doing a good thing by encouraging people to be sexually liberated. Personally, I think there was a little of both going on. Beth Ditto, on the other hand, was much more critical. As a gay rights activist, she was insulted by the song and said: "She's [Perry] just riding on the backs of our culture, without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all." Which, tragically, is completely right. If we sit through the video for I Kissed A Girl we can see for ourselves that it doesn't even come close to actually showing any same-sex kissing, which I'm sure you agree is a bit weird-- could you imagine if the Umbrella video didn't have any umbrellas in or the Circus video was filmed on a rubbish dump?

"I kissed a girl once, you know. It was, like, totally hot. What? Kiss one now? Erm...maybe later".

Miley faking her lesbian kiss was the same idea as Katy Perry's kiss-free video: talking about and implying same-sex kissing is hot, but neither of them are willing to actually show us them doing it. They're putting the idea in our heads, they're describing it to us, "the taste of her cherry chapstick", "I can't be tamed", "soft skin, red lips, so kissable"...but when push comes to shove these girls are actually full of shite. I am more than willing to throw up my hands and say same-sex kissing is fucking hot and people are right to get hard over it, but don't pretend you're up for something when you're clearly not. Same-sex kissing might seem like a good way of getting your jollies, but Beth Ditto is totally right, these girls like Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry (or "boner dykes" as Beth Ditto colourfully nicknames them) are totally riding on the coat-tails of homosexuality. I can imagine them in a gay club, texting the "fag" to their "hag" or even at a pride event, punching the air and painting on their body glitter. But when their gay best friend's boyfriend dumps them, will they be there with chocolate and Bridget Jones's Diary? No, they'll be elsewhere because homosexuality, and therefore presumably gay people, are completely disposable to the "boner dykes".


  1. You already know how much I fucking hate Katy Perry - but that song seriously pisses me off everytime I hear it. Basically it's just an excuse for all the skanks to get off with each other for the benefit of the charvs they're trying desperately to pull. Grrrr.

  2. I love this post and completely agree. I thought I Kissed A Girl was completely retarded and I loved Telephone - a REAL KISS, how fucking awesome! But, like you said in another post, Katy Perry's faux-coyness is so fucking annoying anyway, in every way.

    P.S. Candyman is one of my favourite music videos ever! Thanks for the reminder. I wish Christina would really dye her hair red!