Friday, 28 May 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Would you like to read some words that relate to famous people? Would you??? Well you're in luck, because it is time for some Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

1. Sarah Ferguson is an idiot. (Hello)


It's no secret that Sarah Ferguson, while she was quite looked up to and respected in her day, but in these tricky celebrity times of 2010 that we live in she is seen as nothing short of a hot mess (I hope never to run into Princess Eugenie out and about in Newcastle...) who would probably flash you her tit for a fiver (only one, though, she is a lady).

Either way in what can only be described as arse-clenchingly embarrassing, Fergie (not not that one, no not that one either) was captured on video by News Of The World journalists accepting half a million pounds to grant them access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew. I think she's been a bad, bad girl, GaGa! Let's have a look, shall we?

Oh my!

2. Lady GaGa is an idiot. (Us)

You've been a very, very bad, bad girl.

If we are especially close, you probably know that I've gone right off Lady GaGa as of late. Not so much her, actually, just the fans who think that the sun shines out of her perfect, perfect arse. If one more person on Twitter accuses me of not being a genuine GaGa fan I will swing for them.

One thing I not agree with, though, is when people start making ridiculous claims just to raise eyebrows when they know fine well that millions of teenage girls would jump off a bridge just because their idol told them to. Fair enough, as Adam Lambert said "I'm not a babysitter", but conversely he is not half as successful as GaGa.

Anyway, in an interview this week about drugs GaGa said that while for the minute she is totally clean, no doubt due to the never ending Monster Ball Tour, "a little MDMA once in a while never killed anybody". Now that is all well and good, GaGa, but you're actually quite wrong there. This girl died after taking Ecstasy. So did she. So perhaps you should really think before you start shooting your mouth off, you daft bint.

3. Is Justin Bieber an idiot? (Female First)

Eeeh Justin Bieber, man. Amazing.

Regular readers of the blog will know that I have an increasing (platonic) fondness for Justin Bieber. I think he is absolutely mint. Therefore I am hoping that these stories are merely false reports used by online gossip sites to draw in readership. But if these reports are to be believed then Justin Bieber is an actual royal dickhead.

This week it was revealed that in Australia, a floor manager was showing him where to stand when he performed on the breakfast TV show Sunrise when Bieber turned around to him and said "don't ever fucking touch me again". How unfriendly from someone I think always seems like a sound lad. A bloody sound lad. What a disappointment.

It doesn't stop there, though, folks! The bell-end-esque behaviour of El Biebero continued when at the Radio 1 Big Weekend when Fearne Cotton, who is admittedly a massive bell-end herself, asked him a question about his much discussed tattoo to which Justin stormed off! What a little diva! However, in his defence, his manager has already banned journalists from asking about it because it's something personal between he and his father, so really Fearne Cotton should just do her research.

Still, though! More nice stories about Justin Bieber please, world of journalism!


4. Christina Aguilera tries to stop you thinking she is an idiot, but it is too bloody late. (Digital Spy)

Close your eyes and repeat: "I am not Madonna...I am not Madonna".

Christina Aguilera is a very talented lady, and she's getting a pretty rough ride from people like Perez Hilton at the minute so I will keep this short and sweet. A few weeks ago I wrote about the new Christina Aguilera video which was essentially a montage of about four different Madonna videos.

X-Tina, meanwhile, kept schtum about the whole thing in an act of what can only be described as burying her head in the sand hoping it would all go away and people would think she was groundbreaking again. It didn't, and they don't. So she decided to take matters into her own hands and claim that the clip is an homage to Madonna's Express Yourself video. This would have been a brilliant thing to do, for example, a few days after the video was released. But almost a month has passed now, bitch. The damage is done.



5. This story has nothing to do with being an idiot if we're honest. (The Mirror)

Madonna's vagina lands her in trouble. Not for the first time and certainly not the last.

It may be more than 25 years old, but Madonna's Like A Virgin video is still making headlines. You may remember Like A Virgin it's a song about fucking someone who's so good it makes you forget all the crap people who've come (literally) before. It was very ironic that Madonna should have released it, because by that point in her career she'd shagged so many people in the music industry there was no chance of anyone making her feel "like a virgin". They probably didn't even touch the sides anymore. They certainly don't nowadays.

Anyway, you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise when she's wearing that lovely, clean dress but Madonna was actually on the blob when she filmed the video for Like A Virgin. Flow was in town. She was on the rag. Her uterus lining was bleeding out of her vagina. It turned out this was pretty dangerous, because she was dealing with a live lion in the video and what producers at the time did not realise was that lions can detect...menses. And so, to cut a long story short, Madonna was nearly eaten by a live lion during the filming of the Like A Virgin video all because she was on her period.

If that is not the greatest sentence I have ever typed on this blog then I don't know what is.

And so ends the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup!


  1. Hahaha, this was bloody brilliant!

  2. Fantastic! :D Poor leaky Madonna. And who the hell is this Justin Bieber fellow? I've heard his name so many times but never heard what he actually does... if anything.