Friday, 23 April 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

It's Friday, it's 2.53pm and I have just stumbled out of bed. That can mean only two things:

a) It was a late one at Powerhouse last night (even with only approximately ten people there) which culminated in Catherine jumping into my arms following a successful performance of the Bad Romance routine.
b) It is time for the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup where we look back over the last seven days of celebrity gossip through the bitchiest eyes in the entire of the North East...

1. Ke$ha has a new video for a song that is far from shit. (Facebook)

She's not pretending to be drunk-- what more do you want?

I'm not very shy in my love of Ke$ha and I'm usually the first to spring to her defence when people are taking the piss out of her and calling her fake when in fact the only reason people think she's full of bullshit is because she sings pop music and we still live in an unfortunate world where we cynically assume that anything "pop" is completely artificial which is a pile of balls if we're honest with ourselves which the Bible says we should be.

Anyway, this week on Ke$ha's official Facebook page, pictures from her upcoming music video Your Love Is My Drug (which is, incidentally, the best song on her album and possibly the best song of 2010) where she is seen cavorting with a bearded man in what appears to be the desert. Another bearded man? Really? However, the last line of the song is "I like your beard" so she cannot very well be roaming around with Justin Bieber, can she?

The rest of the Loose Women were busy, but Colleen Nolan always has time to make a cameo in a Ke$ha video

Other photos from the video show Ke$ha under a UV light covered in tribal-inspired fluorescent paint, a theme she continued with when she performed the song on Saturday Night Live. Something I cannot defend Ke$ha for, before we see the clip, is her live singing which seems to get more and more atrocious every time I see her. Oh dear. Let's watch, eh?:

Oh dear.

2. Grace Jones is so alternative and different she doesn't even like Lady GaGa! SOMEBODY STOP HER SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!!! (Guardian)

Nice accordion.

Irrelevant popstar Grace Jones has obviously been to the Boy George school of getting into the headlines just by mentioning certain topics. You might have noticed that it's been a good two weeks since Lady GaGa was actually in the news for doing something herself, it seems that most news stories about her these days are simply people mentioning her in interviews. That is because, unlike people like Grace Jones, she is too busy performing a sell-out world tour to sit around in interviews and slag other people off.

The first time I ever watched an interview with Lady GaGa she listed her two biggest influences as David Bowie and Grace Jones. She talked so highly of Grace Jones, she admired the way that if she walked through a wall "you just know the exact shape she'd leave". It seemed she really looked up to Grace Jones. She had actual admiration in her eyes speaking about her. That's right, folks, human feeling!

When asked what she thought of Lady GaGa, there was less warmth. "I don't really think of her at all. I wouldn't go to see her." She also revealed that Lady GaGa had approached her to do a collaboration but she turned how down, saying "I'd prefer work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me, actually".

Now here's what's wrong with Grace Jones slagging Lady GaGa off. I'm 19 years old and I have never heard a Grace Jones song before. There was an interview with her in Attitude magazine where she was given the opportunity to get young people interested in her music again, but instead she came across as a raging bitch so I just disregarded her. A few months later I heard GaGa speak about Jones in several interviews and how much she's influenced her as a performer. So I decided to check out some of her music. What a load of old shite. The point is, it's through Lady GaGa that thousands of people will have been moved to listen to Grace Jones's terrible, terrible music and if you ask me Grace Jones should be thanking GaGa, rather than using GaGa's fame to get herself back into the headlines for an extra minute and a half on top of the fifteen that Andy Warhol promised.

Still, if Grace Jones doesn't want to work with people who are "just copying" her, I don't think we'll be seeing the "Rihanna, feat. Grace Jones" single any time soon...

3. Agyness Dean is channelling Britney circa February 2007. (Heatworld)

Work, work, fashion, baby, work it, move that bitch crazy

I used to fucking hate Agyness Deyn. Proper hated her. I don't really hate that many famous people, but she was definitely on my list. But look at her! She's shaved her bloody head! And I love it!! I've always had a bit of a thing for girls with shaved heads (I am thinking more Natalie Portman than Britney Spears here, though, folks) because- as someone who has taken clippers to his hair for the first time in about six years in the last twelve months- I know it takes some balls to watch all that hair falling around you.

Either way, Agyness Deyn looks absolutely fit with her new 'do, which she showed off for the first time at the Coachella Festival this week. She was also pictured walking around in Doc Marten boots- does she just want to be me or something??

4. Vickers ryhmes with knickers. Write the headline yourself. (Daily Mail)

Diana Vickers is just delightful.

Like Agyness Deyn, I used to proper hate Diana Vickers. I thought she was a ridiculous human being. However, since her solo material debuted I have had a total turnaround and now count myself as a big fan of hers. She's doing a promo tour at the minute, trying her hardest not to pull a Joe McElderry and that took her to perform at G-A-Y this week. Knowing she'd be performing for hundreds of gays, Vickers obviously decided to look at gay icons of the past and dress like them to entertain the homos and homoettes in the audience. Perhaps this is what prompted her to pop on this horrible number:

Dirty Diana.

Nice crotch. Pictures like this do not really go with the nice girl image she's got going on, and I would really hate for Diana Vickers to become the next Pixie Lott-style slag where her music is geared to make her look younger than she is to fulfill everyone's filthy jail-bait fantasies, because unlike Pixie Lott, Diana Vickers is actually a very talented lady. And so, Diana, no more leopard print numbers that show off your cootchie when you crouch down. Please?

5. Kylie Minogue has a new album cover and there is nothing boring about it. (Popjustice)

Put it away, pet.

Christ is it "news about people I didn't used to care for" day? Kylie Minogue put a notice on her website that "big news was coming soon" and to say that Internet went a-flurry would be an overstatement. In fact, no one cared. Because it's Kylie Minogue. And she is largely uninteresting unless you are a gay man of a certain age.

However the big news was the details of her new album, which is nothing short of incredible:

In bad news for Kylie fans, she also released a teaser of her new single All The Lovers and things are not sounding good. Let's have a listen shall we:

I think Shiny and New say it best describing the song as "either a mosquito doing opera, or a botox-filled helium balloon slowly deflating through a small orifice. Should be good."

And that, folks, was the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.
Yee and, indeed, haw!


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    Not wanting to appear like a massive stalker but I’ve pretty much read your back catalogue and it’s so interesting to read another gays opinion on life and stuff.

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  2. Aw thank you :) MY DAY HAS BEEN MADE x