Tuesday, 23 March 2010

An Open Letter To Myself

Dear Daniel,

We've been together for nearly 19 years now, so I think it's time for me to have a word with you, since no one else seems to want to. It seems that no matter what you do these days, you seem to jump into things without particularly considering the consequences and making a complete dick of yourself. This can not continue, because I can not continue with you making a dick of the both of us. You have a birthday coming up, so I am very much of the opinion that it is time for you to change your ways.

You’ve spent the past year and a half telling anyone that will listen that being single is the best thing in the world, that as single people we can do what we want when we want and don’t need to ask anyone for permission. That we’re independent and glamorous and completely in control of our own lives. Words are brilliant, pet, but before we go any further down the road of your life, you are going to have to start believing your own spiel. You are too neurotic and emotional and obsessive. I know, bless you, that in your mind you think this makes you look endearing and loveable and Carrie Bradshaw-esque. The sad truth is, though, you simply look mental, needy and desperate. And I cannot have you roaming any further down the road of your life with you making me look desperate. I know you well enough to know that, in fact, you are not desperate.

Boy-folk. You do not need them. You have lots of lovely people in your life. Chasing after people is not the way to go on. You have always preached at people for chasing others around, and it is now time to stand by that practice because, at the end of the day, if someone was worth chasing- would it even be necessary to chase them in the first place? No, they would not.

You are a nice enough person, lovely, so there is no need for stalker-like behaviour. Nor is there a need for slag-like behaviour. Nor are you at a place (anymore) where you will fall at the feet of anyone just because they have paid you a compliment. You are not 15 years old with stupid hair and crooked teeth anymore-- you do not need or owe anyone anything. You do not need to melt just because someone smiles at you. So stop going on the way you do. For the love of God.

To sum up, Daniel. Get your shit together. I’m not having another year where you constantly make a tit of us. Our street cred is not exactly soaring, and you’re not really pulling your weight to get it up there. And so, for fuck’s sake-- get it together, you look like a dick.

Yours,
(Silly Old) Daniel x

My name is Daniel Welsh and I am never going to let any man make a dick out of me ever, ever again.

1 comment:

  1. I still love you :)
    Don't change too much. I need someone to be neurotic with, and accept my drama queen moments. :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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