Monday, 1 March 2010

Big Gay Monday: Catherine.


Christ it's been a while hasn't it? Sorry, it seems I'm out of practise with this whole blogging thing. I go through spells of writing loads and then writing very little. It is much like a menstrual cycle, except with no bleeding uterus lining to make people like myself go "I'd rather die than stick it up one of them" and become homosexuals. Nasty.

It's Catherine's birthday on Wednesday, she will be 19 (Christ aren't we getting old? If you're reading this and you're older than 19 then apols, obviously it is far from old but some mornings I still wake up, look in the mirror and expect a 15 year old with crooked teeth and tickets for The Confessions Tour to glare back at me). Because she is such a friend to gays, and because I need to write something quickly having forgotten all about the Big Gay Monday thing I said I was going to start writing which I admit may well be over before it's even started, today's Big Gay Monday will be devoted to Catherine. How lazy touching.

If you need help in recognising that Catherine is lush then there is something wrong with you.

REASONS WHY CATHERINE IS A FRIEND TO GAYS EVERYWHERE
1. She gladly lets hoards of lesbians fall over themselves to light her cigarette for her.
2. Her hair is purple, which is the official colour of bisexuality. Catherine herself is not a bisexual but it's good of her to show her support to them.
3. Catherine's breasts are brilliant. Gays love tits.
4. Catherine likes to get drunkiedrunkiedrunk and go to Powerhouse.
5. She enjoys watching drag queens with the obvious exception of the drag queen at The Bank Bar who doesn't know the words to Bad Romance.
6. Catherine knows the Bad Romance dance (but can not do it as well as me. Neither can Lady GaGa, though.)
7. When Catherine is drunk she puts a scarf on her head and pretends that she is Bald Britney.
8. She is doing PR at University making her a fabulous Samantha Jones/Edwina Monsoon hybrid.
9. If you're out with Catherine and she sees your ex-boyfriend she will shout abuse at him.
10. Catherine can randomly apply quotes from Sex And The City to everyday life.

I could go on and on but instead I will let this unflattering picture of me drinking and Catherine smoking do all the talking:

This image alone confirms Catherine's status as a gay icon.
I thank you.

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