Wednesday, 24 March 2010

The animals came in two by two.


My friend David once joked that in a room with seven gay men, there would be six couples and me. At the time I laughed this off as a largely offensive joke. However, I am slowly beginning to think that more than a joke, David actually revealed himself as a prophet with that idea. It seems that, much like in a certain film I could mention, I have woken up in a strange place and need to step out of my house and follow the yellow brick road to ask The Wizard of Oz for a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to fear that when I get there the wizard will tell me that my house has crushed him, rather than a witch.

Ridiculous metaphors aside, when exactly did everyone pair up? It's as if someone shouted "Spring is coming!" and everyone got themselves a first mate? The past two or three times I've been out on gay-themed evenings I've been shocked at the number of people holding hands and looking tenderly at each other, instead of the more standard groping on the dance floor and blowing poppers into each others' mouths. It's quite troubling really, love seems to be some sort of epidemic that everyone is being infected by. And, much like swine flu and foot and mouth before it, it seems there are no signs of it coming anywhere close to catching me. It looks like I am, unfortunately, immune to it all.

Toto, I don't think we're in Powerhouse anymore...

Seriously though, folks. Look around you and I'm sure you'll see what I'm seeing. Practically all of my Uni friends are in relationships. Strangers in clubs are in relationships. It seems even people I was dating, like, five minutes ago are in relationships.

Thing is, folks, I am perfectly happy on my own. I love being single, and I really do mean that. I love that my friends are pretty much my everything, and I can do what I want and go where I want and wear what I want without having to think about whether or not I should. If you'd asked me this time, I dunno, four weeks ago whether I was happy with my single life I would have undoubtedly replied with an excited smile. It's only when other people come into your life and give you a taste of what you could be having, and then snatch it away from you (and then, you know, decide to have it with someone else *grumbles*) that words like loneliness and isolated and unloved come into my head. The solution to this? Everyone can actually fuck off.

That's right, it's other people and their charms and their games and their stupid hair that mess things up for you in the first place. So I am making a conscious decision to not go after anyone else. Being honest, if you're reading this and you're single and you're bitter about that, if you'd never had a bad relationship or a bad romantic experience you would probably never had thought twice about the single life in the first place. It is fantastic. Truthfully, if anyone is worth chasing after then you wouldn't have cause to chase them in the first place. Keep that in mind. And next time you fear that a tornado has picked up your house and crushed "the one" you just steal their shoes and head down that yellow brick road on your own. As long as you have a scarecrow and a tin man for company you shouldn't go far wrong.

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