Friday, 26 February 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

I'm sure you're well aware that Friday means one thing and one thing only, and that is the Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup. Time for the five biggest celebrity stories of the week as re-told by the biggest raging bitch in the entire of the North East:

1. Unremarkable popstar supports fantastic woman on tour. (4Music)

While I have been known to make fun of a celebrity or two in my time, there aren't very many that I actually dislike. I must admit that Pixie Lott is one of these celebrities. I find her completely uninteresting, her songs are standard post-Winehouse crooning and she herself is far too hypersexualised in my honest opinion (Oh but Daniel you're a Britney fan, how hypocritical; liberated woman; blah blah blah)-- no, to be honest with you I just think she's one of these jailbait teases that record companies throw out every few years (yes like Britney was but at least Britney had a fantastic song to go alongside it and perhaps ...Baby One More Time was not exactly groundbreaking but put it alongside Mama Do or Boys and Girls and you'll see what I mean).

Imagine my horrror, then, when it was revealed this week that- contrary to rumours of Cheryl Cole and Ke$ha- Pixie Lott would be supporting Rihanna on her 2010 tour. I'm all for Pixie Lott having a little spot opening for The Saturdays or Chipmunk or N-Dubz or one of those acts who can have all the Number Ones under the sun but they'll never quite be there, but Rihanna is Rihanna! Her stage is going to be all dark and steampunk and futuristic, and there Pixie Lott will be howling Cry Me Out in that way she's become famous for. Raging I am!

2. The Vengabus is coming. Again. (Twitter)

Really, any band with a sailor and a cowboy is alright by me...

We might as well be honest with ourselves, the Vengaboys had some tunes. Boom Boom Boom Boom. Kiss (When The Sun Don't Shine). We're Going To Ibiza. We Like To Party. It's all good. You can say otherwise, but why lie? Why deprive yourself of the joy that is brought around by the music of Vengaboys??

Anyone, it was revealed on the official Vengaboys Twitter this week that they were in London shooting the video for their new single!! New material from the Vengas! Are you ready for that? I don't think you are! Let's just hope it's more successful than the undeservedly unsuccessful Aqua re-union last year...

3. Kylie Minogue: "I really need to get out more". (Digital Spy)

Kylie Minogue trying in vain to be as interesting as Ophelia. FAIL.

Kylie Minogue has a new album coming soon. I'm sure it will blow your mind, she always has her finger on the pulse of British pop music and always knows what's coming up next. That's why she's chosen to work with the same producers as her last Number 4 album, X. Remember it? Of course you don't.

The poor lamb, though, insists that she has no life at the moment because all of her time is spent working! "It's work work work at the minute," she told Absolute News. Exactly what work she's doing is lost on me, I'm quite sure she has the same studio input on her music as Paris Hilton had on her album, except Paris Hilton would usually bring a man with her and have sex with him during the boring mastering process, before she'd have to go back and coo into the microphone. Obviously no chance of that with Kylie...

4. Robbie Williams thanks his fans by putting on a hideous pink thing. (Perez Hilton)

What the actual fuck?

I'm sure you remember watching the Brits and turning off Robbie Williams's snooze-fest of a performance half-way through (of course I had the pleasure of watching it drunk so I also heckled him a little bit. He was a professional about it though and just ignored me), but the reason the performance existed was because beforehand he won the Outstanding Contribution to Music award, previously won by the actually groundbreaking David Bowie and Pet Shop Boys.

As a way of thanking his fans, Robbie posted the above picture of himself onto his official blog, saying "what better way to celebrate than with an £8 Primark all-in-one". Personally I think he's working it. Only question is who in the real world would wear something as vile as that? Who indeed...? (I expect I'll be reading something about onesies on Messy Carla at some point in the near future, now that celebrities are wearing them and everything :p)

5. Cheryl and Ashley are no more. (Holy Moly)

Get yourself back to Newcastle, love. I'll get you good and pissed and you'll forget all about that twat.

"Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time.

We have no further comment to make."

Was I the only one who actually thought Cheryl and Ashley would go the distance? I know they had their problems and everything, but I honestly thought he could change. Obviously he could not and obviously he is a dick. There is only so many times you can turn a blind eye and I really respect Cheryl for giving it another try. I think while she's leaving people she should just leave Girls Aloud and put out a second solo album asap with all kinds of "I'm single and I love it" numbers on.

And so concludes another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.


  1. haha closest thing to onesies being in fashion at the moment are playsuits. or harem pants if you like the baggy crotch look.

    my mate has one of those onesies too. they rather terrify me, although robbie does look rather sweet. :)

  2. Wot! No Brangelina this week! Could you not have included a nice picture of a clean-shaven Brad, just to remind everyone what he would look like once more if he got rid of the scary bitch-witch?!?!?!