Friday, 12 February 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Welcome to another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup where you can remind yourself of the week's biggest celebrity stories as seen through the bitchiest eyes in the North East. In case you don't spot the hilariousness for yourself, the lyrics are all Lady GaGa lyrics. I AM A BLOODY LAUGH RIOT.

Our survey says...

Continuing in a long line of famous men who cannot just go home and do their wives and have a good old time being monogamous, it was revealed this week that Vernon Kay has been sending obscene texts to glamour models.

The actual contents of the messages, which he has apparently sent to four or five different Page 3 models, are unknown because The Sun newspaper refused to print them, claiming they were too filthy. Too filthy. This is the same newspaper that greets you with a pair of bare breasts as soon as you open it, I can only imagine they included lines like "Can I trouble you for a soapy tit-wank" and "I want you to smear me with your shite and whack my ball-sack with a pillowcase full of doorknobs". The dirty perv that he is.

I just feel bad for Tess Daley. I mean it's bad enough she's completely uninteresting, but now even her ridiculous husband has lost interest. I'll never watch Family Fortunes again. Not because of moral outrage or anything, just because it's a load of shite. (Daily Mail)

Leona "Loose Cannon" Lewis

If I say the name Leona Lewis to you, the chances are you'll take a little nap. I once was like you, until I learned how hardcore she was about her vegetarianism and the defence of animal rights. She once turned down £1million to open The Harrods Sale because they sell fur.

This week she's been kicking up a fuss because The Brit Awards were planning on selling Foie-Gras to those who attended. This rubbed Leona up the wrong way, apparently vegetarians don't like the idea of Pixie Lott and Taoi Cruz chowing down on a bloated duck's liver, so she kicked up a stink and it's since been removed from the menu. However, even though the foie-gras is no more, Leona claims that the menu is "still not cruelty-free".

Good for you, Leona, fighting for your cause. Give us a smile though, eh? (Twitter)

Back on, is it?

Despite certain reports that they had split up (*ahem*), Madonna is in Brazil with Jesus Luz her supposed ex, but then again you don't go jetting off with ex-boyfriends do you? IT'S JUST NOT THE WAY TO GO ON. So we can pretty much assume that they're back on again. If ever they were split up.

The loved up/split up pair were seen partying at a Brazillian club on Wednesday night, apparently regretting their decision to give gay night in Sunderland the night before a miss. It all got a bit steamy as they got dancing, what with her being the best dancer in the universe and everything, and Jesus decided to take his top off. This was a wise decision, because he is absolutely gorgeous. Yes. Indeed. (Perez Hilton)

4. Rihanna has a new video. If you like it you can watch it on your video phone.

Oh, to be that zebra.

Rihanna's new video for Rude Boy was released this week, and it is a lush 'urn which sees her onto of a zebra and doing reverse cow-girl on top of a lion.

I could sit here and describe it to you till the cows come home, but that is boring as sin when you can see it for yourself right here.

You can say you don't like it if you want but that would mean you are full of shite. You need to sort your life out if this is the case. Alright? (Popjustice)

5. Britney Spears-- could we fix you if you broke?

I love Britney Spears way more than I love you.

It was all looking a bit suspicious for Britney Spears the other day as she was spotted at an LA hospital (on a side note, her hair is back to that manky brown colour again. Apparently, the whole thing was for a "routine checkup" but Britney was accompanied by her two boys (you know, the career ruiners) and a police escort.

Fair enough, when you're Britney Spears you cannot be nipping out to the doctor's without some form of security or you'll have all kinds of mad fans pestering you, demanding autographs from you and pissing up your leg. However, a police escort seems a little severe especially if it was only for a "routine" checkup.

The plot thickened this week when she headed back out to the doctor's with Jayden James (or Career Ruiner #1 as he is affectionately known within the Britney fan community), though this time without the police. The question on everyone's lips: What is going on at Camp Spears. The answer: I do not know.

This does not qualify as news. It has not been a good week in the world of celebrities. I apologise. (Monsters and Critics)

And so concludes another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

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