Friday, 5 February 2010

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

Time for another roundup of the week's biggest celebrity stories as seen through the bitchy eyes of Silly Old Daniel...

1. Jordan marries Alex Reid while he's still famous. Ish.

Alex Reid with his top off. A rare sight.

It seems that Katie Price is one of those people who can't be without a man as she got married to boyfriend Alex Reid after just seven months of going out, during which time they have had one break-up and appeared on two reality TV shows between them. The couple got married in a shock Las Vegas ceremony with no cameras and only a few guests, not including any of Price's three children (good riddance, I say, nothing ruins a wedding like screaming kids), It was all a bit of a shock though, as Katie Price only officially split up with Peter Andre less than a year ago. Lord. (Perez Hilton)

And on that note...

2. Peter Andre makes a tit of himself on the telly.

Oh mercy make it stop!

For those of you who had forgotten, as well as doing documentaries and marrying lasses with massive jugs, Peter Andre is a singer. He sings songs about things that happen in his life. Unfortunately it sometimes happens that a singer's personal life can overshadow their music, which happened to poor old Peter Andre when he arranged for an afternoon interview on Sky News this week only for the questions to revolve around his ex-wife's new marriage rather than his new album or tour (which, obviously, no one is actually interested in).

It all got a bit much for the poor dear when the interviewer suggested that Alex Reid may want to adopt his children, as he wanted to adopt Dwight York and Katie Price's son Harvey when he was married to her and he ended up bringing the interview to a close, seemingly bursting into tears. Surely someone's got a nice, stable woman they can set Peter up with. You can watch the interview for yourself here.

Raw stuff. (The Mirror)

3. Jesus Luz wakes up and smells the menopausal woman.

RIP Madonna and Jesus (2009-2010)

A dark day for gays everywhere, Madonna and Jesus Luz have decided to call it a day. After nearly a year of going out and fabulous 28-year-age-gap shagging, the couple have decided to split. Apparently it all came about because they had nothing in common. Of course, when your boyfriend is a 23-year-old Brazilian model with a body like this I personally can't imagine why you would let something pathetic like having absolutely nothing in common get in the way of what I can only assume was truly fantastic shagging. It's always a shame when gorgeous people break up, you just assume it's only us unlovables who have to deal with break-ups.

I can only hope that fucking a dinosaur like Madonna has helped Jesus Luz climb the modelling ladder high enough that his career may prosper, so that there can be more photoshoots like this and this even though the relationship is no more. Now then, Madonna. Isn't Sean Penn single again? (The Sun)

4. Beyoncé and Lady GaGa plan to destroy the load of shite known as The Brit Awards.

Guns are not cool. Lady GaGa is, though.

The Brit Awards have a reputation for being shite. If you wish to consider just how shite they were, last year's awards were hosted by Kylie Minogue who performed her biggest (7 year old) hit alongside backup from Mat Horne and James Corden. It was LOL-tastic. This year, though, things are going to change because after Lady GaGa tore it up alongside Elton John at the Grammys, it looks like Beyoncé and GaGa are storming the stage for this year's Brits. I'm not sure I can handle such an explosion of fierce-ness. Hopefully they won't sing Video Phone because that song is utter bollocks. Complete. Utter. Bollocks. If you disagree, that's fine, but you are wrong. Good video, though.

I'm praying they'll sing Telephone, which they've been filming the video for this week. We'll see, shall we? Also playing at the Brits are JLS who could very easily stand onstage and do this without singing a note and would still receive a standing ovation from me. Not in any place you could see, though. (MTV)

5. Rihanna does not need a man to take her to the Grammys. No she does not.

Rihanna is lush. If you don't think so then you are wrong and I hope you suffer.

Oh hello there. In case you're late to the party, I'll bring you up to speed. Rihanna is incredible. She is lush and she has cool hair and wears nice clothes. She cannot really sing but in these days of AutoTune and lip-syncing that really isn't important, if we're being honest. A while ago some dick hit her, remember? It caused a big hoo-hah. She's over that now, though, and this year she won a Grammy for singing in Jay-Z's Run This Town. If we're all being honest and throwing our hands up like good, honest, Catholic folk we could just call a spade a spade and say that Run This Town is the worst song of Rihanna's career, but that is neither here nor there. What is indeed both here and there is the fact that Rihanna went to the Grammys on her own. She is a single woman and does not need anyone to escort her to award ceremonies and such. God on you, Rihanna, for being a successful, independent woman and not feeling the need to have a man trailing along behind you. GOOD. FOR. YOU. (Digital Spy)

And so ends another Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

1 comment:

  1. Daniel!!!! My magazine says that Madonna and Jesus are trying to find a surrogate to have a baby for them!!! Start some investigative journalism, get onto Perez and find out the truth!! lol