Tuesday, 12 January 2010


I don't want to turn this blog into an exposé where I talk frankly about personal things and make everyone cringe a little bit for my lack of respect for my own private life. I respect also that there were only a handful of people continuing to read the kiss-Lady-GaGa's-arse spectacular that I called my beloved previous blog and more power to you I say, because it had become an absolute pile of complete and utter wank. And why is that? Because that is exactly what my life has become (not strictly true, but we'll continue in this manner for the sake of this particular blog which has already got you reading this far).

I went out with Katie on Friday night and already broke my one and only New Year's Resolution for 2010 (stop getting off with people I'm not interested in at Powerhouse) when we went to Powerhouse and I got off with not one but three people I couldn't tell you the first thing about. It is too late to claim this remains a New Year's Resolution because I broke it on Day 8 of 2010. This is, admittedly, a disgrace. So I am going to pretend that the last 10 days of my life were a dry run for 2010 and tomorrow, when I head back into the reality of Sunderland Uni for the first time since before Christmas (*Sigh* remember Christmas? Feels like ages ago, innit? Shame we've still got the bloody snow but never mind, eh?) I am going to be a changed man.


1. For every time I write something upon this, or any, blog about a celebrity, I will write something about myself. It is filler, and I am not doing MAC136 like the other people who aren't doing a Combined Subjects degree and I need the practice at writing otherwise I will be even more likely to finish this course and end up with no job.

2. I will pass my driving test. This means that when my instructor is telling me how to do something, a three-point turn, for example I will listen intently. I will not switch off mid-explanation and start thinking about, for example, which producers Madonna will get in for her new album (probably Paul Oakenfold and David Guetta, I'm praying she stays away from RedOne because if she doesn't she'll become just as predictable as everyone else in the music industry and that, my friends, will be a sad day) only to tune back in just as he says "any questions" and I'm left to admit to him, sheepishly, that I was not listening and will need the entire demonstration again. This is not good.

3. I will stop being so horrible to my customers at the dog track. They walk in, innocently wanting a pint, and I am horrible to them almost immediately, rolling my eyes and swearing under my breathe as if I'd been working there for the past 20 years of my life. Conversely, I will stop taking shit from drunken idiots taking the piss out of me just because I am a faggot.

4. I will stop shouting randomly at my parents, even though this is, admittedly, the way we all speak to each other in this house.

5. Each time I think to myself "Uni is shit", "I want to drop out of University", "I'm fucking sick of Uni" or "University? What a load of old shite" I will picture this image in my mind...

...and it will remind me of what is important and what is not important, and that sometimes you have to actually work to get the things you want which is a sad truth but something we all have to come to terms with at some point or another. More importantly, I will become more studious and put my all into every article and feature I write from this point on. I will also stop arseing about and actually do some work for French.

6. I will stop slagging everyone off just for the sake of hearing my own voice. It is not the way to gain people's trust, is it? And usually people have done nothing wrong, have they? Perhaps it does make people laugh to take the piss out of someone for the sole reason that they haven't bothered themselves to be there, then make a vast list of their irrelevant faults. As far as I am concerned, from the moment I click "publish post" everyone is starting afresh with a blank slate and if you are one of the, literally, hundreds of people that I have slagged off over my relatively short life than I am very sorry. Feel free to make fun of my enormous chin next time I am not there.

Do you know what? It's only been 10 days, fuck it...

7. I WILL STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP getting off with anyone that I am not interested in. I've hardly been a slag in the past, waking up in bed with two illegal immigrants I don't even remember the names let alone the nationalities of, or anything drastic like that. But this...

...really is not the way to go on, is it? The boy in the glasses is really not one you would take home to meet your mother, is he? He is off his face and he is easy. And those are two ideas of me that I do not want people to have because, on the contrary to the drunken version of Daniel everyone holds close to their hearts, I am an old-fashioned boy with old-fashioned values. Behind my stupid fringe thing and DM boots there is someone just waiting to be loved (I say "waiting" because I am truly in no hurry). I am a big believer in monogamy and fidelity and long-term relationships and all that shite.

However, I am hardly wearing these ideals on my sleeve getting off with every Tom, Dick (steady on) and Harry (OK, not every Tom, Dick and Harry perhaps I am overestimating my own pulling skills there) shaking their arses to Telephone under the shining disco balls of Powerhouse. I'm hoping (secretly, though, don't tell anyone) that this might be the year for a grand romance, so perhaps a slight change in lifestyle might be the thing.

And so- here's to the next 12 months, and let's see how long this new-found studious and moral way of life lasts. Of course, judging by the fact that Catherine's taking me to Powerhouse tonight (the night before our French oral I might add), my guess is not as long as I might have hoped...

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